What the "peeeep" should I do?

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Rita__
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13 Mar 2007, 5:33 am

I have a friend which is feeling very sad. She is so down that she has been trying to kill herself. Now the doctors have locked her up in the hospital, cause she can't take care of herself, cause they know that she will try to kill herself when she returns home. And every time I visit her she allways tells me that nothin matters and that she wants to die. A couple of times I have asked myself "what the hell is the problem with me`" cause I can't see things from her point of view, i can't see what she is feeling (except for sadness and it is driving me crazy) and I can't really understand why she is doing that to herself?

what the hell should I do?
:(



Erlyrisa
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13 Mar 2007, 5:43 am

Stop trying to help!
Go in and be her freind - that is the best help that she will get.... a friend should be able to just be able to sit there, and maybe share some body language with the person.
A friend needs to understand, when to leave thier friend (of course just go out for a coffe/cake and bring one back for her - and do it in a way that highlights the fact that you don't care much for her condition, you care for more the cake, but you care enough about remmebering her (even in death) that you brung roses to her grave(the cake))

When the facial expression, and interaction is more forgiving,, then it is time to start just - wasting time ... you need to need to give the person reason for not thinking about thier state, and with any luck by the time they are going to bed, they will reflect on the time they spent with you as being worth, not having to have to die.



calandale
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13 Mar 2007, 5:44 am

s**t! Sounds like my wife. After she booted me, and began to wonder what the hell her life was about, she made a couple of attempts. They locked her up. Both of us always believed that a person should have the right to die, whenever they chose. It tore me in two to see her locked away. I tried to get her out, but also tried to make her promise not to try again - she couldn't do that. I then asked her to promise to at least allow herself to be put back in, if she had real feelings to kill herself - which she saw as a near ultimate betrayal. I tried to explain to her that I hadn't changed my feelings, but it was my own selfish needs which insisted that she not die. This helped a little. Maybe (but only if you really do mean it - and not some sort of, "gosh I'd hate to lose another friend to suicide" type of thought) you can tell her the same. But she has to be vitally important for this to make any sense.

What's she feeling? Misery. No future of any possible value. Whatever. There is no easy road back (maybe none at all). But, once some value becomes apparant, it will get easier, though saying this doesn't help. If she's like me, the thought that suicide stemming from depression is not the right way to go might help. I fool myself into thinking that life is my choice by telling myself that the only time to kill oneself is when one has reached an exalted state.


EDIT: Your use of "Peeeep" really triggered all of this.



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13 Mar 2007, 11:56 am

Have you tried asking her 'Why?'


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13 Mar 2007, 12:04 pm

The theory is...if you can get her to say Why (it might take you some tracking why to why to why), then you can get her to identify the underlying issue that is creating this hopelessness in her.. Issues, when revealed, tend to heal.

why? 'because I hate my life'
what causes you to hate your life?
"because I am depressed!"
what made you sad the first time? the second time? the third time? What makes you the most sad?
Find out whats eating her--even if it is your own misunderstanding and exasperation with her trauma.
Then she will know and you will know what is at the root of the problem. Then, spray root with poision. ie: distance her 'environment and contact' from the problem.

It's just a hypothesis really. I don't actually have the patience to deal with depressed people one on one. I have no friends. following my own hypothesis: all my closest friends died. I got depressed. to keep from getting that depressed again, I do not have closest friends. It's not ideal. But, I'm not depressed either. Who keeps locking her up by the way?


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13 Mar 2007, 1:55 pm

There really is not much you can do until your friend seeks out your help. Sorry to say, but it's true in most cases. Until then, just sit back and let the doctors do their job.


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calandale
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13 Mar 2007, 7:21 pm

SeaBright wrote:
The theory is...if you can get her to say Why (it might take you some tracking why to why to why), then you can get her to identify the underlying issue that is creating this hopelessness in her.. Issues, when revealed, tend to heal.

why? 'because I hate my life'
what causes you to hate your life?
"because I am depressed!"
what made you sad the first time? the second time? the third time? What makes you the most sad?
Find out whats eating her--even if it is your own misunderstanding and exasperation with her trauma.
Then she will know and you will know what is at the root of the problem. Then, spray root with poision. ie: distance her 'environment and contact' from the problem.

It's just a hypothesis really. I don't actually have the patience to deal with depressed people one on one. I have no friends. following my own hypothesis: all my closest friends died. I got depressed. to keep from getting that depressed again, I do not have closest friends. It's not ideal. But, I'm not depressed either. Who keeps locking her up by the way?


Yeah, and if you pull this crap long enough, she will begin to see you as an annoyance rather than a trusted friend. It has to be real subtle - not direct whys. In some ways, this kind of probing is best left to professionals - but it's obvious they're not getting through, so as a friend you can express your concern and lack of understanding. Still, I suspect that it's going to eventually end up with a wall, which makes no sense to her; an answer of just because. And if you push it, you'll just make her angry. The most important thing is to show that you care, and can be effected by her actions - hurt by them.