My social problems have claimed another victem

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Sorry to just jump in with a lot of heavy stuff... In my other post I have been trying to deal with my wife leaving 2 months ago.

Tonight I went to go see her, I was so anxious all day that I could barely work and pretty much avoided interaction with anyone around me. I once again confessed my undying love for her, and begged for an other chance. Finally she started crying and then she told me "I love you, but I don't want to do this anymore. You rely on me, I need an equal partner in a relationship"

So... I'm getting divorced because I'm codependent and extremely attached to her. The most ironic thing is that even now she is the only person that can console me. That makes me 28 with one friend, no wife, one parent who actually understands me, and one whos still in denial. I thought she was wrong until I realized how many awkward pauses there were in our conversation. I'm not saying it justifies her leaving me, but I know I'm really getting worse as I get older.

So... yeah... I ran off my wife. Only she can comfort me, and seeing her sends me into an emotional hurricane. I really believe if I could just carry a conversation things would be so different.

It seem more likely that you're getting divorced because she's giving all of the emotional support and receiving none from you -- if you go by what you claim she gave as her reasons.

I could never keep a relationship going myself. I was thinking about this same thing today. The three I've had all ended, I would say, by my own hands. I guess, in a way, seeing how awkward I can be in relationships is keeping me from getting into another one. A lot of aspies are definitely cursed this way; that, and having extreme social phobias.

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. It's basically one of the things I fear the most. I'm married to an NT guy. He's basically my best friend, and I don't really have any other friends. If things went south with us I'd want him to console me too.

You might have one chance - GET YOUR BUTT INTO COUNSELING, together in marriage counseling as well as yourself!

Dig deep, dig hard - find out exactly WHY she feels this way - what you're doing, what you're not doing. Don't get angry about it - she's expressing what she feels. You be prepared to do the same.

If you need her this bad, DO THE WORK, not make promises.


I wish you the best of luck... I was once at the crossroads you are now but there was nothing I could do, she refused to talk to ANYONE.

Don't waste time... your window to do something is closing. Even if you fail, you can know you did everything you could...

Sucks she is leaving you.

I've been seeing a councilor weekly for 4 years as I'm also Bipolar (yeah... F*** my life). I've pleaded with her for 6 months leading up to this to go to couples counselling.
I'm afraid that window has closed, but I'm the one who stepped up and closed it. I finally signed and notarized the separation papers today. I can take fault when its due, but this isn't %100 me and I know it.
I might not be the best at carrying a conversation, but I've always been able to tell when shes lying to me and when somethings wrong. I handed her the papers, told her I'll always love her, and that she can lie to herself but not to me. I explained that something changed and shes not just unhappy with me, shes unhappy in general. I politely and sincerely suggested that she see a counselor for her own good, not for the sake of saving whats left of our marriage. The truth is, I hate that im so in love with her and that I still am having a hard time imagining life with out her. Dont get me wrong, I can take care of myself just fine, but everything I ever wanted for myself also included her. Yesterday when I agreed to sign the papers finally she told me that shell always be there as my friend. Sadly that's another lie I saw right through. If she couldn't offer support as my spouse then how can she offer the same support as a friend? It's no different and we both know that.

The only thing I'm still having trouble wrapping my head around is how fast this happened. In June we were trying for children, July/August celebrated our birthdays and went on vacation, sep I had a 2nd total reconstruction of my shoulder. Thats when she told me she wanted to take things 1 day @ a time, but still wanted children, beginning of October I went for the 1 month checkup on my shoulder. At this point she hadn't wanted to touch me for 2 weeks and would make an excuse to go out with her friends and parents constantly. two days later she found excuses for me not to tag along. Three days after that she left when we got home from our nephews 3rd birthday party, where she had been avoiding me all day long.

sigh... She just texted me as I was typing this and told me "counseling is for people with problems"

"Counseling is for people with problems"? No, counseling is for people who are not perfect.

I don't know if my interpretation of her words makes any difference, but I didn't take her quote to mean she's upset because you can't carry a conversation. She said she does everything for you and needs an equal partner in life.

Even if you are capable of maintaining a household, paying bills, cooking, etc. without her, did you do a lot of those sorts of things when you were together? If she was doing those things, did you regularly show interest and initiative about them? Like if she was the one who made sure the bills were all paid, was she also the one who handled it if something went wrong with a bill or the landlord needed to be called? Or did you often take the initiative to solve those sorts of problems when you saw them (before she asked you to)? Did you show interest in household or personal matters, even if you knew she was taking care of the situation- meaning, did you often ask how things were going with regard to a particular task she was handling?

You say you are codependent. Usually, the person you are attached to will feel a great deal of responsibility for taking care of you. They might also feel like there's no one to lean on when things get rough.

I am not trying to say any of this is your fault, I am trying to say there is another possible meaning behind what she said, just in case you had not thought of that before.

f**k!! This is the same as my ex-wife... rather than risk any possible stigma associated with counselors, or risk having to change themselves they'll throw away an entire relationship and/or destroy the marriage.

to her: Think of a counselor as a mediator in a business to help both sides come to an understanding... but no side is going to get everything they want because that's a totally unreasonable demand to have.

Sounds like she's moved on long ago and has no interest in trying to save it... but that's how very many (BUT NOT ALL) women work.

I just hate this throw-away society where it's easier to start another relationship than fix the one you have... maybe the next man won't require her to exert any effort? *barf*

Then again, has she been able to put into words what she wanted from you but didn't get?

Im sorry you had to go through the same thing as I am now. This feels like going to a loved ones funeral everyday, every time you see them you have to say goodbye again.

The best I've been able to piece together from what she told me is that she honestly believes that I will never be emotionally strong enough to carry half the support in a relationship. The tragedy is that I was never given the chance. She always turned to friends or parents 1st.

I was making the same throw away comparison last night. I always tended to view everything with her as a special experience. Something that only we could share. I'm ok for now, but when I ultimately see her with someone I know im going to break down again.