Wish I could turn it off.

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I REALLY wish I could turn off my brain. For just a day. Let it rest lol.

Every time I think of something it triggers... ripples I guess I would call it. Like when you throw a rock in a lake...all the ripples. It's horrible, I am tired and just can't stop thinking.

Example: I would be driving down the road and see someone parked like a complete asshat and then it would trigger these ripples of different scenarios. Like oh What if I scraped his car with mine for blocking the road like that? Then I OVER think at that point. (NOT THAT I WOULD DO IT, BECAUSE I JUST CAN'T DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL) But, then I think oh they'll see the chips of paint from the scrape, see my car and know. Then I OVER think again and start coming up with ways of they couldn't hold the evidence against me. Like forensic style crap. That is just one example, but it just never ends.

I can't look anybody in the eye, because if I do, I feel they know what I am thinking, like the car thing or other things and won't know I WOULD NEVER do them and think I had done them.

Ditto, me too.

To tell you the truth, I gave up on meditation after trying it out once because my mind was wandering non-stop throughout the session, but do give meditation a try if your brain needs some rest.

I know what you mean. They start out as tiny ripples and soon end up as tsunami. And always for the worse.

My mind is always racing. My problem is that the neurotypical people I know can say what's on their mind free of reprisal, because everybody else thinks they're well...normal. I cannot, because people do not understand how my mind works. Everything gets built up inside my head. It is frustrating. I post statuses on facebook, sort of my "thought of the day" to alleviate this distress, but nobody else seems to understand my point. I've had friends of mine delete me from facebook or hide my posts because they find my posts offensive, and I don't understand why. When I ask people about it they only say that I am "different" and that it is not possible to understand my point. Now, I've given up on the facebook statuses. I'm the resident weird intellectual who gets straight A's, but whom nobody likes. I've pretty much accepted my place as Portia's "weeping philosopher". That is a Merchant of Venice reference, if one did not catch that. Great read, you know...for fiction.

I guess my point is that I totally get this "ripple" effect. Now I'm thinking about Shylock's portrayal and the treatment of the Jewish population in renaissance-era England...here it goes again...

My mind feels like I got a traffic jam happening with all the thoughts racing in it. They are usually the same things though, ruminating between two or three subjects, over and over. That plus the tinnitus drives me insane , plus the craving for chocolate

I think I understand the feeling you have. As you can tell by my name and my comment about the renaissance, I'm a huge history buff. Whenever I see or think things, my mind ponders the history of the item, where it was created, who it was created by, etc. My facebook posts about history and politics are an attempt to organize some of these thoughts and relax myself. I'm only self-diagnosed, but it is refreshing to learn that there are people who seem to understand me.

I also have trouble with eye contact. I can't quite explain it, only to say that it was always and still is more difficult to maintain eye contact with women my age than any other sort of person. As a child, I think I avoided eye contact because I didn't like to draw attention to myself. I think somehow I believed if I didn't look anyone else in the eye, they wouldn't notice me. I believe self-esteem issue have a lot to do with the issue as well. As a child, I never wanted to communicate my feelings, I guess because I was teased so much. I remember feeling somehow that if I looked into the eyes of someone it would communicate my feelings to them. This was especially true about girls I had a crush on, since my worst nightmare would have been someone finding out I liked them.

lol. I am so glad to finally find a place where people understand exactly what I mean when I say my brain just never turns off. Always going for the worst-case scenario, running through it over and over again, exploring every single possible outcome and running through each impossible outcome while I'm at it... zombie apocalypse? alien invasion? disaster scenario x, y, and/or z? what if I got in a car accident? what if I wake up late and miss work? what if I wake up late, and then get in a car accident on my way to work? what if the guy in the car I hit is just looking for a reason to kill someone? what would happen to my family if I got killed by some douchenozzle that was just looking for a fight because I accidentally crashed into his piece of crap douchemobile on my way to work after sleeping in too long? it goes on from there, each scenario playing on the next...

and then, there are times like this:
(warning: moderate swearing and other mildly NSFW content. watch at your own risk)
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bISPI4NjeVE[/youtube]

and as for the eye contact, I have never been good at that... I tend to look either straight past the person, or in a completely different direction when conversing. It's like it makes the conversation too intense or something... there's almost a tangible awkwardness attached to eye contact for me.

Avoiding eye contact is a typical aspie trait.

My mind races too. I was reluctant to admit this, but I think only medication will help me.

- I TOTALLY get that! I do the same thing as well...Well I used to. People just don't seem to care, and they think I'm weird that they don't care. BUT when they want ME to care about THEIR crap and I don't, I am weird and have no empathy.

I love history, mainly anything from say 1600's back, mainly England and so forth. It was a obsessive interest for a while, but I am not as interested in it as I used to be. But it kind of comes in waves. A few months here or there.



- Oh yeah, I get that! It's just so tiring at times, it makes me think of a computer or a pot or something that will just blow up or shut down when the thoughts just keep coming like that. BTW I LOVE Doug! He is awesome! Tells it like it is! Plus that voice... HOTNESS! I am a sucker for a man with a deep, gravel like voice.

I have tried meds, usually with VERY bad results, but to each their own. Sometimes it works for certain people, sometimes it doesn't. Just have to find what works for you I guess. I have tried about a half dozen or so and they didn't seem to help or in fact made it worse. I just try to cope without them. I am even thinking of trying a holistic approach to it.