it's just too difficult to be happy...

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transformingcar
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28 Feb 2013, 4:03 am

I'm sure alot of others find it hard to be happy.... i have alot of reasons to never be happy, but i'm sure i'm not the only one. anyway, heres my problem, I'm sick of the same boreing things, all i can do is sit around and go to waste. bleive me i've tried everything. but I am forced to live in an awful town called Sunbury. so, i'm trying to find reasons to be happy. but the bizarre dreams i've had in the past few days or so, have seemed, slightly more emotional then usaull.
so, I feel I must list both reasons as to why i am sad, and seek help from this community to find reasons to be happy.

so, here are the reasons I am sad...
1. I am alone, never have had a girlfreind.
2. i don't have enough chances to leave the house. I like to go shopping for figures for my collection, but...
3. I am unable to work, as such i can't get a job, so my income is limited to ssi and foodstamps.
4. just so depressed... all the time...
5. I feel worthless...
So, I would like some help finding reasons to be happy. could someone help me out here?



transformingcar
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28 Feb 2013, 5:44 am

why is it that I feel like I am being avoided? it's just like everywhere else I go, I am shunned where ever I go.... but why?



sapphireblue
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28 Feb 2013, 7:28 am

see a Dr and talk about therapy and medication. you are probably depressed. won't make you happy but once you are out of your depression it will be easier to do or find things that will make you happy. people avoid negative people, it's a drain on their positive energy.



jagatai
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28 Feb 2013, 8:11 am

In my experience, a person will maintain the same level of happiness or sadness regardless of circumstances. Over the course of my life, I have had good and bad things happen to me and despite successes and opportunities, I still have a fairly negative outlook on my future. I suspect things could be quite a bit worse or quite a bit better and my emotional state wouldn't change that drastically.

Even if you found a reason to be happy, it probably wouldn't change anything for you.

But that doesn't mean that you cannot make changes in your life that lead to greater satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment. Passivity is both the cause and the result of depression. Doing nothing makes us feel worthless and encourages depression. And depression makes us less inclined to try anything.

I am a very "future oriented" person. Much of what I do in the present is based on a sense of how I might benefit from it in the future. Other people may be very present oriented; they may only enjoy doing things that contribute to their happiness in the immediate moment. Others may be past oriented and enjoy dwelling on their memories.

While I'm not always happy about things, if I feel I am working toward a future goal and building something that will pay off down the line, I feel more energized. Exercise may be hard when I am doing it, but I know I will feel better later. Learning a new skill might be frustrating in the present, but I will be able to use those skills later.

It might be helpful to think about what is most satisfying to focus on; past, present or future, and see if you can shape your present activities to increase your focus on whichever state you prefer.

As many have suggested, a bit of exercise can do incredible things to lift depression. It doesn't take much; a walk around the block can be enough to give just enough of a lift where maybe doing a little more doesn't feel so impossible. Be careful not to over do it or else you can injure yourself or tire yourself out so much that you give up before you get a good start. Pace yourself, but just do something.

There may be plenty of things in your life that you can identify as "reasons why you are sad". But it is very likely that if all those reasons were fixed right now, you would just find another set of reasons. Looking for reasons to be sad or reasons to be happy will not change the nature of your life. Only DOING things will make a difference.

Good luck.


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Joe90
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28 Feb 2013, 11:24 am

Unfortunately I haven't got much useful advice to offer because I'm in the same boat. The only things what make me feel quite happy momentarily are:-

Sunshine (we haven't had sunshine for ages, so it makes a lovely change and brightens up the day)
This week-end I have got off work

But I feel similar to you in general. I feel alone and can't get a boyfriend. I've tried some dating sites but I didn't really get on with it and I prefer to date somebody who is nearer and whom I have already met properly, not just on a screen. I do have a nice bus-driver that fancies me (no, I'm not some naive ret*d that is oblivious to the stereotype ''bus-drivers flirt with all women'', long story short he does fancy me), but now they've swapped all of them around and now I've just got these horrible old things or Asian things or other types that I would never fancy, which is very disappointing.
I have got a few friends but two of them are thinking of moving so that'd be two off my friends list, because neither of them drive so I bet I won't get to see them ever again if they move too far away. Having friends was a good way of getting me out of the house and a chance to socialise in comfortable environments.
I have a job now, but I was on unemployment benefits for over 4 years, and it wasn't very nice. I began to feel worthless, and I worried that my disability was going against my chances of getting a job, even if I didn't tell the employer I was still worried that they might have picked up on something odd about my body language or whatever at the interview, also I don't think I'm that approachable in my appearance, I am crap with styling my hair and all of that stuff.
I still feel depressed and worthless. I keep feeling afraid to go to work because I worry that other people at work think I'm weird because I'm quiet and have an unconfident, nervous way about me what seems odd in an odd way to them. God, I absolutely HATE being defined as odd or strange or whatever. Makes me feel even more bad about myself.

In order to help your mood a little (won't work miracles but is still better than nothing) is to think of little things that you enjoy. I don't mean a big social interest or anything like that, I just mean things as little as, say, going to bed or having a bath (if you like that sort of thing). For example, I only work part-time, and I'm glad when I have got a day off the next day, so usually when I have got a day off the next day I have a nice soak in the bath the night before, with a good book, and it relaxes me. Then I pick a good film to watch in bed and I look forward to that too. Also I love getting the bus (well, heh, :roll: they've changed the best drivers but I still enjoy the route), and when I'm on the bus I listen to my iPod, which also relaxes me. I often just try to focus on the small things that I can look forward to. Plus the summer is coming so I'm looking forward to the warmer weather because I am getting sick of this cold air and snow risks. Although these things might not be for you, there still must be some other things that you find you enjoy. It helps me a little.


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GoonSquad
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28 Feb 2013, 11:55 am

get off the hedonic treadmill.

You should really try this book.

A Guide to the Good Life (click)

...really. :)


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Toy_Soldier
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28 Feb 2013, 5:20 pm

I don't think happiness is something that comes to you so much as is something you must seek out and work in some form to attain. I don't necessarily mean 'job' work, because it may be instead the work involved with meeting others, helping someone else out, etc.

You post made me think about why they choose the wording 'persuit of happiness' in our Declaration of Independance.