I don't want my son to live

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yes, I am saying this to the whole community. and i am sorry.

I have been trying to cast this thought away, to distract myself from it.. but I just don't see the point...and probably today I am having a breakdown. because I read something on this board and I felt the pain of this person so deeply. It was about Aspergers being a curse.
and just imagined that my little boy is going to suffer like this... it's unbearable for a mother to witness the pain of her child... the unbearable pain...
I am really feeling for all the people having AS. I wish I could help them somehow... but I guess at this stage I need more help and support from them... because I can't even comperehend how strong you have to be to go through all this stuff that you are going through all your life. I hope they will find a cure for those who chooses to be cured.

My son is mild and he's just 3... and I don't know how to help him...to shield him from the alien world that he will never be part of.

if your son is 3 years old you cant really know if he has aspergers or not.

he's got mild autism which is basically Aspergers as far as I understand.

Okay. That's harsh.
You have no idea how things will turn out for your son. He might be bullied, he might not be. This would be true even if he didn't have Aspergers.

I'm actually pretty pissed off now. I might not like my life but I hate thinking that my mother would rather I was dead. Yes, I have problems. Yeah, I have really sh***y mental health. But at least I'm alive and reasonably able bodied. I could have to use a wheelchair or not be able to feed myself. In the grand scheme of things I could suffer from, this isn't that bad.

You're scaring me, if you'll become overprotective you're going to make his life even worse.

Personally, if I knew my mother felt this way about me my life would probably be infinitely worse than autism could ever make it. I find most of my problems are caused by people thinking a) my life must be some great tragedy that I have to be infinitely strong to live, b) that I'm completely broken, and c) that I should be able to do all of the things the same way NT people do.

I'm sorry, for your son especially, that you feel this way, but autism isn't a death sentence. I would go on, but I think it's been said before by more eloquent autistics than me, for instance Jim Sinclair - Don't Mourn For Us.

Also this may be helpful for you Letter to Parents of Autistic Children.

I can't claim to know what it's like to be a parent of an autistic person, but I know what it's like to be autistic so if you need someone to talk to about that, my PM is open.

moved from General Autism Discussion to The Haven

Hopefully you don't mean that and you're just venting your frustration. In this society, there's an unwritten rule where -
1. You're born
2. You go to school
3. Maybe go to college
4. Get a job or career
5. Get married
6. Have kids
7. Buy a house/get a mortgage
8. Adopt a puppy (optional)
9. See your kids off to college
10. Wait to die

Some of us will achieve those ideals, some won't. I didn't. In the back of my mind I sometimes think I've failed. And yeah, it was a very rocky road getting to where I am now, but I'm okay. Not fantastic, but okay. Would I have been happier if I'd been part of the aforementioned 10-step plan? Does it matter?

I can certainly see how this is frustrating. Certainly, no mother (you're a woman, right?) wants her child to suffer. That is why I am happy to say that there is hope.

A lot of what you read on this board are those who do suffer with Aspergers. Their suffering is very real, and I am glad you are as attuned to that as most of us are. I am convinced, though, that those with stories as found on the website are a minority. I have nothing but personal experience to back this up, but all of my Aspie friends are well adjusted members of society. Aspergers causes problems for them, to be sure, but these problems are typically not greater or less than what anyone else has. That is a good thing for these individuals, in their opinion.

And then there is me. I was diagnosed when I was three as well, before the diagnosis was official (It was PDD back then). I graduated from a fairly highly ranked academic institution, and had much professional development opportunity. Most do not know I have Aspergers unless I tell them, although it is certainly there.

So yeah, Aspergers is not a problem in my daily life. It has actually provided me with a radically different skill set than most people, which I have been utilizing. And today, tools for mitigating the worst of Aspergers are WAY better than they were 20 years ago.

If you have specific parenting questions, feel free to PM me. I obviously can't tell you what my mom (who was a single parent) did that worked, but I can always ask her.

*hugs*

I know that it must be heartbreaking to know that the life of one's child will be any more challenging than the challenging rat-race of life already is. However, there is so much triumph, so much beauty, and so much wonder beyond the challenges and beyond the pain. Some people with Asperger's become highly unhappy, but so do many people without Asperger's.

There are so many success stories out there about people with Asperger's and autism. Take Temple Grandin, for example, who was once non-verbal and who now is a world-renowned researcher and writer. Bill Gates is often believed to have Asperger's.

I can also give you a personal example, if that would be of any assistance to you. From the age of three until the end of third grade, I was in the Special Education program. I have been suicidal; I have lost friends that were almost like siblings, I have damaged relationships with my parents, and, occasionally, I self injure. But my life is so much more than my struggles. Now, I am a senior in high school, completely in regular education, that is in all honors and AP (Advanced Placement) classes. Out of a class of about 460 students, I am ranked in the top ten. As a toddler, I babbled more than I talked; now, I am in Advanced Choir and perform poetry. My poetry has been published in local and national anthologies. I even have friends who think that my quirks make me a wonderful person to be around.

Things may be difficult at times, as all lives are, but things can and will get so much better.

Be strong for him, and he will be so much stronger for you.

Check your inbox, movik. I sent you a private message.

my son is 7 and not very verbal I love him dearly.

Consider all the joy having a child brings. Autistic children are especially innocent and can be very sweet. Frankly I think you need help for depression. Today is the day you should do something about it. Get some help and honestly don't hurt your child.

I understand you would do anything to protect your child from pain and suffering.

I have many behaviours that would have been diagnosed as Aspergers, but that diagnosis didn't exist 50 years ago.
I was lucky to have caring parents who supported me.
A little professional help would have been useful, but I muddled through. I am happy, with a partner and grown children

There have been huge advancements in assistance and awareness since I and other posters were children.
Your son will gain the benefits of that. Especially with you as his support and advocate.

Your attitude as a mother is going to make a world of difference, take my word

You could be honest with him, help him discover and express himself, try different methods and GET HELP. Not just A doctor, the right doctor. Could be a Hippy Shaman, just has to work. Or you could simply assume he's 'ret*d' as you seem to think, let him internalize that, cost or cause him anything up to and including his life... Or any option in between.

As the child of a mother who chose the latter let me say it'd be hypocritical to cause him to give up on himself after saying you can't stand to see him suffer... I almost lost my life to what you're thinking, I've lost my family in any event because I've been alienated so much. Knowing most if not all of my pain could have been avoided had I been given the slightest insight to my nature, not been passed off as 'ret*d' without any dialog... This woman assumed I don't understand, and now can't really because she wasn't there for all the ass I've kicked and fun I've had