Being thought of as ugly is the worst curse ever.

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Seriously, if I win the lottery, I'd love to get plastic surgery. It's disheartening to wake up every day, determined to be positive, and have pretty much everyone you come in contact with treat you like you're Rocky Dennis.

Just this morning alone, I got pointed at and laughed at by little kids, got angry and horrified stares from people on the bus (while the hobo-looking guy with a bunch of rotten teeth didn't have an eye batted at him).

No secret that it's cost me a lot of opportunities in life, especially where dating is concerned. I'm not very picky about looks at all (I've fallen for girls who weren't my type looks-wise) but have gotten summarily kicked into the ground and rejected by each and every one. Then I get told to lower my standards. How does that make any sense?

It's cost me a few good job opportunities.

It's cost me a lot of things.

No amount of being positive has helped me either. Even when I was a little boy, and was brimming with tons of positivity, it never helped me. I still always got told I was ugly and creepy.

Worse yet, I always got cliched advice from people who were fortunate from the day they were born. Advice like "you don't need to interact with these types of people," which would basically mean I'd interact with practically no one except old people, and stuff like "work out more" which didn't help me since I have Marfan syndrome and can't gain more muscle mass for the life of me (I am very strong for my build, though). Literally nothing will help me look better. My hairline is already receding, and even though my teeth are white, they're messed up, and my smile looks horrible. I also have really beady eyes. I think I'm about the only person who knows that I have brown eyes.

All the taunts and jeers and laughs are pretty much enough to drive me insane. I like myself, but hate the way I look. And apparently no one wants to get to know me BECAUSE of my outward appearance. But what can I do about it? I even had a lady at work tell me that no one appreciates me yet, and that's why I have no luck in anything. But the thing is, I don't think my day will come at all. After all, if I get shunned just for what's on the outside, how will people get to know me?

It's also made me kind of bitter. Endless rejection and frustration causes once-good people to become completely unlike themselves. If only people like me lived in a decent world, where nobody could judge people for how they look...

I will apologize in advance since my perception of human society and nature is rather pessimistic.

Society just disgusts me to literally feeling sick. I think the problem nowadays is the high standard that has been set up, mostly by the media. If individuals are born deformed, autistic or with an incurable disease, the "norm" will automatically shove a "stick into their spinning wheel", making life harder for said person, sometimes to the point of miserable.

The advices given to you was probably out of good intention, but are rather useless and overused. Perhaps the cause of such cliche advice has to do with lack of empathy. I could be wrong or I could be right, I don't know. I'm just rambling.

My outward appearance may not be problematic like yours, however, I had my share of bullying because of it for many years. It got to the point that I would self-hate: calling myself names, having self-injurious behavior such as slapping, punching and biting. I still do it from time to time when I feel overwhelmed by failure. When I see myself in the mirror, I get angry, I can't stand seeing my reflection.

I hope you won't get to that point, unless you're already there.

Oh yes, before I forget, that lady at work can go stick her head into an hippo's rear-hole.

Funny, I don't get these strange reactions at all from other people in public when I'm out and I certainly don't look hotter than you in any way judging from one of your pics.

You looked skinny and thin to me (which I am too and I'm older than you), but that was all, not deformed or weird in any way.

Perhaps people in the States (or at least in YOUR State) are more looks focused than elsewhere, I dunno, perhaps they're a bit like Parisians, shallow to the bone.

I have always thought I'm pretty dang ugly too and got made fun of because of that a lot when I was younger, up until I was about 16. I didn't suddenly get pretty at 16, I just learned different ways of taking care of myself. I would suggest that for you.

Here is what I would do if I were you. First off, make an appointment at a good salon. Not one of those walk in and get your hair cut for $10 places. Find one where they have other services, usually for women but they are a unisex place. Go there and tell the stylist that you need a makeover. Let them suggest styles for you and products. Get a new cut and learn how to style it yourself. Ask the stylist if any type of facial hair would look good and follow their suggestions. Also, ask about color. Maybe a new or deeper color would be good. Highlights possibly. For a receding hairline you should really try Rogaine. You can get that at Wal Mart. I use the kind for women and it works. Or you can shave your head and grow a goatee. That looks hot on some guys.

If you wear glasses, go and get a new pair. Go to a good place, not a two pair for $99 place. Get something stylish that looks good on your face, and ask the person there to help you pick out something. If you don't wear glasses, you could get a pair of frames with plain glass in them. Try some on and see what you look like in them. Do this after your haircut. Another option is colored contacts. You can do this if you do or don't need glasses. Pretty eyes go a long way. Personally, I prefer dark brown or black eyes, but depending on your coloring you can pick what you like. Ask for opinions.

Next you need to tan. Either get out in the sun or go to a tanning bed or get a spray on tan. Get some color. That goes a long way to help a guy look good.

Get body hair fixed. Manscaping. Go get that done professionally. If you are very hairy, get most of it taken off and leave a little in the center of your chest and definitely a goody trail below your belly button. Leg hair may need to go or be bleached, it depends. Ask the pro.

As for working out, go to a gym and talk to a professional. Tell them about your problem and tone up. Even if you can't gain muscle, working out makes your look better.

Lastly, clothes. Go to a good store and find a sales guy to help you. Tell him you need help and you are trying to find a look and you do not like how you look. Let him help you find things. Try on several things and see what look you like. Then let him help you pick the basics and get them. Come back when you can and get more. You also will need shoes and probably a watch and sunglasses and a wallet. Get decent underwear too. Nice boxers. Nice socks. Even if nobody sees them yet, you'll know they are there. Plus, if you do get a sudden chance for a little something something, you don't want to be wearing briefs or old ratty boxers.

Of course one person to help you do all this would be perfect, and I don't know what they would be called but if you can afford it, hire one. That whole Queer Eye For The Straight Guy show would be perfect. They fix up a guy and teach him things. That's what you need. I went to Barbazon Modeling School in high school which helped me learn how to do my makeup and hair and what to wear and all.

While all that stuff may not give you plastic surgery or change your biggest faults that jump out at you, they go a real long way towards compensating for them and help give you confidence and also help you look a whole lot better.

It can take some time if you don't have the money to do it all at once, but it's worth saving for. Make sure you go to places where you can find knowledgable professionals. No walk in hair place, no Wal Mart for the clothes, etc. It's going to be more expensive but it's going to be worth it.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

I just watched this video and it made me a bit weepy. Why? Because there is so much truth in it. A social experiment was done where an FBI Forensic Artist sketched people how they believed they looked as opposed to how others believed they looked. Most of the people in focus are women, however, men come up at the end. Anywho, it's quite an interesting little experiment. Might help, might not. Something to think about though.

My opinion: Looks are merely a passing dream. Our value does not come from looks. Society and corporations have created that lie to make us buy things to support and grow their wealth. End of story. You're beautiful, handsome, and one of a kind. I don't know you personally, but the fact that you were willing to be so honest and vulnerable on this message board proves it to me. :0)

Here's the video link: Upworthy.com

I looked for a pic of you and found one I think it said "college some years ago"?
From your descriptions of yourself, I was expecting something noticeably different to the "norm"

I saw a solemn young man with perhaps a slightly long face, but not at all ugly.
Is it possible to get your teeth fixed if they are very crooked?
Lots of men with receding hair just shave it off - maybe try on one of those fake bald wig things to see if it would work for you?

I am wondering if you move in an unusual way, or appear very shy and nervous? That can be noticeable in tall people, and may be more likely to draw attention than your physical features.
Sunglasses could help with this.

My instincts are to say %#%$ the rude people, why should you have to change or act different?
You seem like a very nice person just as you are, but if altering your appearance helps you to feel better, go for it.

By the way, not all women are stuck on "traditional men as trophies".
My partner is not conventionally attractive, but after meeting him I totally fell for him.
Wishing you luck.

My pictures make me look better than I actually look (usually it's the other way around), and I purposefully try to hide my flaws when taking pictures. This is part of the reason I don't smile in any pictures, for example. I do have one picture on FB where I smiled and it looked positively scary. Even got comments stating such. It's still on there, but only a select few can see it. Me and my cousins.

What the pictures don't show is the acne (I've used damn near every product for it on the market, changed my diet, and everything. Still have it), the permanent wrinkle lines on my forehead, and the line that goes from the top of my nose to the bottom of my face (which only shows up in direct light).

I can't afford any type of surgery or anything. If I could, I would have had it done already. Don't have any health insurance. I'm too much of a "risk" due to my health problems.

I'm one of those types of guys who can fake confidence. In fact, sometimes I get told that for all the things wrong with me and all the things I'm going through, I'm very confident. Nobody can really seem to tell what kind of person I really am, which is fine by me.

OliveOilMom gave some really good advice, the problem is, I've tried all those things (except the tan thing, but I'm already tan anyway). None of it worked, and really, I'm not the best person to pick to be a fashion plate. In a suit for example, my flaws just get highlighted 1000-fold. It's so weird.

EDIT: Actually, wait. I haven't tried the Rogaine thing. I should.

I got a haircut recently. I'm down to about 1/3 of the hair I had a month ago. You'd think that would have helped a lot, but it didn't.

At least there are others who feel like they're in the same boat as I am. I feel bad for anyone who has to go through the constant annoyance of being told that you're not good enough just because you're not "conventionally" beautiful.

All I can do is send you a virtual hug, and hope you meet lots of people who aren't shallow.
Have you tried aloe vera plant for the acne? Rub the leaf gel on at night. It worked on my teens' worst outbreaks.

Is your hairline receding because of male-pattern baldness? If so there's a few things you could try. I'm losing my hair myself & I read up abit about it & am trying a few things. The med Spironolactone is a more extreme addon med for it & also a more extreme med for acne in men just incase you haven't tried it or read up on it for your acne. I could tell you abit about MPB in PM if you'd like.

I relate to you feeling ugly. I had really bad skin eczema as a kid & scratched till I bled alot; I was called things like Poison Ivy boy. I also am very nearsighted & wore thick glasses in school that didn't help alot. I started going through puberty kind of early & got really bad acne(I have faded scars all over my face) started growing facial hair & had problems shaving due to fine motor-skills so I mostly only shaved when I had to. I was pretty skinny for a while too due to being an extremely picky eater. The eczema got better in my latter teen years & I put on abit of weight sense then & don't have acne problem anymore except I occasionally get one huge pimple. I'm really sorry I don't have anything more helpful to say to you except I do sympathize

My kids all had the acne problem and we tried so many things on the market but you know what always really worked when nothing else did? Toothpaste. Yep, plain Crest. Paste, not gel and with none of the new flavors or whitening or gum stuff. Plain, old school Crest. Dab it on the areas where the zit is and leave it on 30 mins then wash it off. You can leave it on a little longer but it can burn your skin.

The kids always wanted to try other stuff, Proactive, Clearisil, that Biore stuff, prescription stuff, and nothing ever worked as quickly or as well as toothpaste.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Me again. I just watched a video this girl, Teal Scott, did on Autism acceptance. When I clicked on the link to her website, she has a video on curing acne! I watched the entire thing. Yes, it's a bit long, but incredibly informative, covering not only the science of it, but other aspects as well, such as thought and emotion. Anywho, she's pretty. LOL!

Here's the link: Ask Teal - How to Cure Acne

If you want to check out the autism acceptance video, the link is here: Ask Teal - Autism I was patient with and and realized my thoughts are much in alignment with hers. Interesting.

Cheers.

b.

I can relate to DialAForAwesome's feelings. I always felt that I'm unattractive. Other people told me this a lot when I was young (and frequently compared to various monsters, like Lurch from the Addams Family). This happens less as I get older but I'm sure that I still get ignored and passed over in favour of more handsome men, not just in dating scenarios but in general day to day interactions.

It seems to be thought that what you look like isn't really important if you are male but it certainly is.

I don't actually have any deformities or any issues that could be corrected by plastic surgery. I've spent a lot of time, money and effort trying to look good but it seems to have little effect - you can't polish a turd and all that. I'm a big man and it is difficult getting fashionable clothes to fit properly. The problem isn't with measurements that I can control like my waist but in having a big head, feet, chest etc. Just as one example I wear glasses but my head is so big that it is difficult getting any frames that fit. Add to this a strong prescription which necessitates a thick rim and I have a really small choice. As for getting nice shoes in a UK size 13- forget it.

Of course, people then laughed at me for not wearing fashionable clothes...

I'm coming to think that my rejection may be the result of my body language as well as my appearance but I don't know how I can change that either. I can't keep that under conscious control (or at least not for long). I just can't "fake it 'til I make it".

I know people think I've got a good sense of humour and I've developed my conversational skills quite a bit but there's still something wrong. I really, really envy beautiful people who can be whoever they want to be. I feel like my appearance has forced a very limited role on me.

I relate a lot to this thread as I get judged a lot on my looks. I have malocclusion of my jaw which gives me a long mournful face and means my teeth don't meet and it gives me a look that people judge me on, as if they think I'm stupid/simple

It's a bit ironic as with having the Aspergers I am slower thinking than average so in that respect how I look mirrors how I am slightly, hence in my opinion it's just my genes being displayed in my face.

This is what looks are all about ie symmetrical good looks are meant to demonstrate good healthy genes and the opposite 'bad' genes

So from that point of view I can hardly blame people for not wanting the 'bad'/autistic genes ie they are acting according to human nature

So logically I can understand why I get a lot of rejection but emotionally it's often very painful

I have had partners and see someone on and off now but there's always a feeling of being sub-standard and someone's 'make do' but then when I've been with people who have loved me I've had flings so it's as if I self-sabotage when I am valued more

I think my obsession on looks has made me value attractive people too highly myself, to the extent that I've seen a person who is good looking as a 'prize', when in reality it's the person who cares about and loves you who should be the prize

So I find it very hard to judge my looks objectively as on the one hand people have been pretty nasty about them but on the other I often seem to get people in groups looking me over saying 'what do you think of her?' (the answer's often critical but to be pointed out in the first place indicates to me I'm standing out in some way lol) and I've had partners

So I suppose I'd say I can usually find interest off the opposite sex but it can often go along with some very unpleasant judgements off ignorant people who think everyone should conform to some standard way of looking and being

I think I have developed a better personality than a lot of people who rely heavily on their looks and that this has helped me a lot in terms of making good bonds with partners

I think you need to remind yourself that there will always be people better and worse looking than yourself and that you just need to try and switch from focusing on your looks and focus outwardly more

While there are people who will always judge on looks there are also people who don't or do it less so and these are the people you need to try and find

I always remind myself that in so many years we will all be dead so what will any of it matter then?? Life's short, you should focus more on doing stuff you enjoy and try and downgrade the importance of other peoples' opinions as they are just that - opinions.

Also, if you walk round with an attitude of 'I'm ugly and other people are going to treat me badly for it', that is what you will project and it is likely to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Try and have either a positive or neutral opinion of yourself and focus on what you're doing more than yourself and how you think you look. Don't look at people to see how they are reacting to you; take no notice of them if they aren't relevant to your life and what you're doing; look at them when you need to interact with them.

it sounds as if you are continually looking for confirmation off others of how you look - this is an unnatural way to interact with people and they may well be laughing more about your worried/nervous expression than how you actually look. I've had all this happen myself and I know that when I don't go looking for other peoples' reactions and just focus on the task at hand and act in a friendly, smiling manner towards the people I need to interact with, things go much better.