Floating into the atmosphere about to burn up and go home.

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I was hoping to find some sort of comfort or conversation on this site, but it does not seem likely I will.

I'm about to lose my 2 friends over a business/financial misunderstanding. Even with them I don't really talk to them, I've been completely alone for so many years.

I was lucky enough that girls liked me without saying a word so I had the fortune of female companionship most of my life, but the misfortune of having that void now. Being unable to talk and strange looking isn't cute when your 31. I have a business and I can make as much as I put into it, but I get so overwhelmed sometimes I can't work even work an hour a day. It got so bad my house started showing my problems, I could not keep it clean and got frustrated not knowing where to start.

The internet is now a deep abyss of stupidity and I find no connection to anyone. This site is an exception but I'm so different than people here, or anywhere real or virtual. I have always been fine with this, when other people were too. But now I'm isolated, I feel like I will become too detached and won't be able to come back, if it's not too late already.

I filled years just chasing whimsy trying to stay busy. But I'm bored of solo adventures, there's nothing I want to watch or learn about, nothing I can go do except go drive with the music loud and hope I catch brief seconds of eternity before slipping back into my body and heading home.

Just to make a slight technical correction, I don't think you have to worry about burning up when you are floating up. I believe it occurs when you slam into the atmoshere going a zillion miles a hour.

Poor attempt at humor aside, it seems just from the few words you shared, that you have all the right ingredients for an interesting life (and companion, which is what many of us need to enjoy things past a certain point). They just don't seem to be arranged the right way at the moment. I don't think you have to face true hopelessness. 31 may seem old to you, but it is quite young to those of us with many years under our belt. It is easily enough time for an entire new life.

I would suggest starting by getting yourself sorted out. What are your wants, goals and priorities ? What do you believe in ? You do not need another person to become confident in yourself. It is my opinion, that if you start with getting yourself straightened out and moving forward again that the rest has a good chance of following naturally.

I've built up and fallen apart many times. One time it took me several years to come out of it, a 7 year relationship lost to my best friend with a child involved. It severely effected my physical health as well from years of malnutrition when I was not healthy in the first place, and I still have to deal with the aftermath of that.

The last 2 years I focused on business and stabilizing things, what you are suggesting now. I wasted my time being friends with ex's who although the time we spent was genuine, they tossed me aside for a relationship with a future. I have not been looking for sex or a relationship, just female friends, but nobody is looking for friends. Everyone wants this image we created as a society that shows you are doing well. The world is more antisocial than ever, everybody is afraid of everyone. I live in a smallish town that has gone to s**t. If you don't like going to bars, doing meth, or being a stinky loose-political spouting hippy.. there's nobody out there. Anybody who would want to be with me is somebody I would not want to be with. I think Woody Allen said it better.

I have lived several lives already. I am genuinely thankful for that, with my dispositions I have been very lucky. I have always had a skill of faking confidence which has gotten me very far, but anxiety and helplessness have hindered that. I can hardly go grocery shopping some days. Right now it's not a life worth living and I have been trying to change that. I am not a mopey negative person, I really have tried and set myself in the right directions. I am just too far outside right now.