Jealous of younger people who were diagnosed?
OliveOilMom
Veteran
Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
I understand what you are saying and I'm sorry you are going through that. It can really suck to realize you missed out on something you should have had the chance to get.
My situation is opposite, somewhat. I'm very glad I wasn't dx'd until I was middle age. It might have helped when I was a younger adult, but I was so busy with a house full of young kids that I didn't much have time for thinking about anything else. I know that if I had gotten a dx when I was a kid, as overprotective as my mother was, she would have used that to prevent me from trying to do anything that other kids did (she already did that as it is) and I would have probably believed her when she came across like "You probably can't do this" and would still be living with her, which would be total hell on earth for me, even as bad as some things are going now.
So, I could suggest that you look into what help you could get right now, but I don't know anything about that. But I also want to say that while you may have gotten more help then and be happier now, the reverse could have easily happened. I'm not saying that to argue with you or say that you are wrong for feeling that way, but to let you know that you might actually be lucky that you didn't. You can't change the past, but if you can look at it from a different viewpoint, it may look different. I'm not saying you are lucky that you didn't, I just want to give you another way to think about it, so you don't dwell on what can't be changed.
Hope you feel better.
_________________
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Lezoah
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 23 Jul 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 58
Location: Michigan, USA
I can understand the resentment. I certainly can't imagine what it would have been like for me to have been a child in the 50s.
I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome when I was two, and I think the early detection did me a world of good. Granted, I have no idea what my development in childhood would have been like without having the diagnosis. I imagine it would have been hard for my parents to explain the dozens upon dozens of pads of paper covered in my drawings of powerlines otherwise. Things in my family kind of broke down after my parents got divorced, but had they not been so rigorous about my upbringing beforehand, I'd probably be a very different person today than I am now.
I'd also be sort of remiss not to acknowledge the fact that despite the early diagnosis, the matter wasn't exactly a cakewalk for my parents. I mean, naturally, there's always the potential complications of raising a child that places on the ASD, but I think my parents also happened to fall within a very transitional period in terms of the clinical/professional vs. cultural/societal outlook on Aspergers and autism in general. The diagnosis existed, and there was enough information at that point to find it early, but particularly in a somewhat backwater place like the town I came from, accommodations were still pretty lacking. There were precedents in some other places, but on the home front, my parents and a handful of others had to carve out a space for themselves. From what my mom told me, she had to spend a huge chunk of time digging through enormous legal documents and strong-arming the local education board members into acquiescing to my needs. She did a bang-up job, but my mom did have a laundry list of health problems due to malnourishment and lack of sleep, and I'd be wrong if I said it didn't contribute at least in part to my parents' divorce.
I wonder what my life might have been like but I also wonder what if I'd been diagnosed and it had a negative effect? Maybe awareness of that wouldn't have been a good thing in some cases like self confidence and such.
Growing up I was sometimes hacked off that the best they could do back then was put a label on me that didn't make sense at all - it was just like saying "you're different - next please!". I'm more at sympathy with that now but it seems to me something was known of spectrum disorders then even if it wasn't in the dsm and something they might not have been allowed to diagnose (which is somewhat what I think could have been the case).
Still I somehow think I shouldn't be dealing with this at 26 making the steps to get diagnosis is much harder now I have a choice of wether I want people digging inside my head.
To sum that up not so much jelous just for me more a case of I wish it wasn't so late in the game for it. Like when I had the opportunity to have such different types of help that I had to do on my own and probably did a poor (but maybe acceptable) job of.
But yes, I get how you mean.. all that help to get independent and the foresight of knowing.
I did not receive a dx until much later in life. I do not feel envious or jealous of people who get a dx early on. It seems to me being diagnosed early and later in life both have advantages. Being dx'd early lets a person be steered on to a path where they are likely to be successful whereas being diagnosed later forces one to deal with life as it happens. I can only imagine the stigma of being put into a "special class" when intellectually you don't belong there. Both groups have to deal with discrimation; maybe being discriminated against is easier to deal with if you know why you are being discriminated against. I personally feel that it also makes us empathize with other groups who are discriminated against as we know first hand what it feels like.
I'm just a little irritated that the word 'autistic' has to be followed by 'child' in most people's understanding of the problem. As a child and teenager, I certainly wasn't given a second chance, and autistic adults aren't a group anybody really cares about besides expensive specialists.
All you jealous people, I got two words for you: Adam Lanza.
I'm bloody GLAD I was 17 years old when Asperger's hit the DSM4.
Had I grown up with the treatment I got when I asked for help in 2011-- the "You're broken-- take your Risperdal and let us help you accept that. You can't-- you shouldn't try. You didn't really do those things-- it must have been a fluke, you must have ridden on someone else's shoulders and just been too self-absorbed to realize it. You are diabled, you should give up, accept your limitations, let us help you apply for welfare," blah-blah-blah...
...well, that s**t put me on the suicide ward as it was. That s**t left me bitter and hateful and fantasizing about holding a bake sale with hemlock-rhubarb pies.
Had I been 8 or 10 or 12, with parents who didn't know better and no lifetime of living to draw on...
...I'd be dead now. There's a pretty good chance that I would have been hateful enough to take as many people as I could out with me.
Nope. Glad I didn't know. Some days, I wish I'd never heard of Asperger's, and that no one else had either.
_________________
"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"
I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome when I was two, and I think the early detection did me a world of good. Granted, I have no idea what my development in childhood would have been like without having the diagnosis. I imagine it would have been hard for my parents to explain the dozens upon dozens of pads of paper covered in my drawings of powerlines otherwise. Things in my family kind of broke down after my parents got divorced, but had they not been so rigorous about my upbringing beforehand, I'd probably be a very different person today than I am now.
I'd also be sort of remiss not to acknowledge the fact that despite the early diagnosis, the matter wasn't exactly a cakewalk for my parents. I mean, naturally, there's always the potential complications of raising a child that places on the ASD, but I think my parents also happened to fall within a very transitional period in terms of the clinical/professional vs. cultural/societal outlook on Aspergers and autism in general. The diagnosis existed, and there was enough information at that point to find it early, but particularly in a somewhat backwater place like the town I came from, accommodations were still pretty lacking. There were precedents in some other places, but on the home front, my parents and a handful of others had to carve out a space for themselves. From what my mom told me, she had to spend a huge chunk of time digging through enormous legal documents and strong-arming the local education board members into acquiescing to my needs. She did a bang-up job, but my mom did have a laundry list of health problems due to malnourishment and lack of sleep, and I'd be wrong if I said it didn't contribute at least in part to my parents' divorce.
Dude, I got a question for you to consider.
Was it YOU that contributed to your parents' divorce??
Or was it all the stresses that they had to deal with because of the way society in general chose to react to you?? All the fear, all the anxiety, all the "We must change this child" versus "There is nothing wrong with this child that a few good beatings won't cure" and assorted crapola??
Are you sure it was really YOU?? Or is that just something society has conditioned us to believe to get out of taking responsibility for the BS???
_________________
"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"
Lezoah
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 23 Jul 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 58
Location: Michigan, USA
I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome when I was two, and I think the early detection did me a world of good. Granted, I have no idea what my development in childhood would have been like without having the diagnosis. I imagine it would have been hard for my parents to explain the dozens upon dozens of pads of paper covered in my drawings of powerlines otherwise. Things in my family kind of broke down after my parents got divorced, but had they not been so rigorous about my upbringing beforehand, I'd probably be a very different person today than I am now.
I'd also be sort of remiss not to acknowledge the fact that despite the early diagnosis, the matter wasn't exactly a cakewalk for my parents. I mean, naturally, there's always the potential complications of raising a child that places on the ASD, but I think my parents also happened to fall within a very transitional period in terms of the clinical/professional vs. cultural/societal outlook on Aspergers and autism in general. The diagnosis existed, and there was enough information at that point to find it early, but particularly in a somewhat backwater place like the town I came from, accommodations were still pretty lacking. There were precedents in some other places, but on the home front, my parents and a handful of others had to carve out a space for themselves. From what my mom told me, she had to spend a huge chunk of time digging through enormous legal documents and strong-arming the local education board members into acquiescing to my needs. She did a bang-up job, but my mom did have a laundry list of health problems due to malnourishment and lack of sleep, and I'd be wrong if I said it didn't contribute at least in part to my parents' divorce.
Dude, I got a question for you to consider.
Was it YOU that contributed to your parents' divorce??
Or was it all the stresses that they had to deal with because of the way society in general chose to react to you?? All the fear, all the anxiety, all the "We must change this child" versus "There is nothing wrong with this child that a few good beatings won't cure" and assorted crapola??
Are you sure it was really YOU?? Or is that just something society has conditioned us to believe to get out of taking responsibility for the BS???
Oh, don't get me wrong, I don't blame myself at all for my parents' divorce. As I said before, my upbringing may have contributed in part, but there was way more going on that muddied things up for them.
An early diagnosis can be an excuse not to grow. If you have a weakness you need to struggle to get stronger. If someone is having severe problems, diagnosis is very important. But if you are functioning but having a hard you need to play the game. I'm not jealous at all, most of what I did with my early life I could not have done having a diagnosis.
High functioning is not a disability alone, it is a different type of brain. The science behind it is still lacking, and drugs and therapy from the wrong person can ruin your life. To any younger people with a diagnosis, don't let it define you or limit you. Don't take the drugs, read neuroscience and psychology yourself, and live your only life the best you can.
I am not jealous or resentful of the younger generation receiving a dx where it was virtually unknown for my childhood. I do, however, get envious of the current better support and social groups available for the younger generation that is still not available for our generation. Even my primary care is at a loss on that.
_________________
http://lovebybonnie.blogspot.com
Bonnie, The Boxer, ~2005/2006 - October 26th 2013
We love you always Bonnie. Bless God as you have blessed us.
i agree! i just spent 7-8 months asking for HELP concerning where i work...and i was told "that the accommodations i asked for have been requested but not yet approved by the people needing to approve them" and all i heard was "sorry, you'll just have to sit there, shut up and do it" meanwhile i see everyone else around me getting better help than me. lately i've been coming home from work actually crying like a baby...i've reached my breaking point and feeling nothing but hopelessness.
_________________
*Christina*
It's like someone's calling out to me. Writing it all down...it's like I'm calling back to them.
(quote from August Rush; but used as a reference to my writing)
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