Does anyone else have this problem? (ANGRY)

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Does anyone else feel A LOT of anger/resentment towards people from your past for being so mean towards you, even if you KNOW in most cases it was only because they were unaware you has Aspergers? If so, how do you deal with it?

All my life I was FORCED into being social and phsycially FORCED into situations that made me a nervous wreck and have become traumas to me. My mother literally SHOVED me onto the school bus when I was 6 years old. I have failed classes because of stress. I've been yelled at by many teachers for not speaking loudly enough or not participating in class. I've been taken advantage of too many times to count. My family says, "Its my fault for everything that's happened to me." I feel that its society's fault that I'm not reaching my full potential. I don't know how to get rid of this anger and move on. When anyone mentions school days memories come rushing to my head and I feel anger building up. I feel jealous of the little children who have been diagnosed with Aspergers at a young age and are getting the support that will help them avoid the kinds of situations I've had to deal with confused and alone. I'm happy for them, but I feel jealous at the same time and angry at myself and people in my life. Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

more stuff:

One of my many goals is to help educate others about Aspergers. I've been through A LOT of hard times because of others' lack of knowledge when it comes to Aspergers. I believe that I can use my struggles to help other Aspies and the people in their lives. That way all the hell I've been through (especially at school) will seem worth it.

Would you like me to move this to the Haven?I think you will get a lot more responses there(more people tend to view it)?

yes I was just thinking I should have it there instead. I didn't see the haven until a few minutes ago. ty!!

I have a lot of anger and resentment - that's pretty clear. Not sure where it's from though. I know that whenever I feel trapped in a situation, it is at its worst; and my parents always seem to also trigger it.

i can relate to how you feel... i went through all this as well, plus a stepfather who tried to beat 'normality' into me....

you have to get to the place where you accept they dont know any better, and that its their loss... now you are diagnosed you will find education not as difficult as before (im 24 now and after acing my college work im going to Uni next September <7 years of hell since school getting to this point tho>).

i really hope you find the help and support you are looking for here on Wrongplanet

Welcome BTW!

I relate to everything you have said. I remember feeling a lot of stress minutes before taking the school bus, because of the work but mostly the bullying. And of course for everything that has happened and keeps happenning. People still don´t understand you and label you as a freak, schizofremic, low self-esteem, frustrated failure, creepy stalker, etc. I feel a lot of anger too and it´s stronger than me, i don´t know how to stop it when it begins, i am going to the psychologist within two weeks.

Yes it´s true that the kids being nowadays are very lucky, and i feel happy for them cause they won´t have to face all the things we had to face. I hope that little by little this society evolves in order to understand the differences, instead of rejecting them.

Damn right! I would go back to my old school and decapitate everyone with a blunt knife if I had half a chance!

I can relate very well to your situation. I absolutely hated school every moment I was there. I went to a private Christian school from first grade all the way through my high school graduation, and looking back now (it's been nearly 10 years) I'm still filled with resentment over how I was treated by both students and teachers.

I'm resisting the urge to go into details and tell stories, so I'll just say that the way I've managed to deal with it is to sever all ties to that time in my life. I don't talk to anyone that I went to school with and changed my address so as to stop receiving all the unwanted "alumni celebration/milestone" newsletters in the mail. I'm not saying this will work for anyone, but it's what has worked for me. I'm not exactly happy, but I'm not constantly filled with anger and resentment.

I can relate to these posts because I used to have those emotions as well. There was a long period in my life where I felt angry and resentful and the world. I would think of my past experiences and feel robbed.

Eventually I realised that it was pointless to be angry at past events, basically because they happened in the past. No amount of anger was going to change the situation for me. Once I was able to move on, I felt better, but I guess you need to feel the anger first before you can let it go

I am resentful towards my father for not helping me in the way I needed to be helped. They've known I've had it since i was ten but unfortunately they used the fact that I had it in order to justify forcing me to do certain things that were hard for me--this idea that it was good for me and becasue I have AS its all the more important to make me do things I didnt want to in order to teach me how to be more normal.

Of course looking back I realize my Dad would have still made me do things with or without it---it just bothers me that he would rationalize his choices on the fact that I have AS even though it is this fact that made his choices hurt me so bad. And he wasn't consistent---I had to do socially uncomfortable things to teach me, but he didn't actually care if I had friends, so he didnt let me go to school full time.

My Dad would blame me for the problems he had contributed to, but now things are changing. My family is finally realizing a lot of stuff about my Dad (it was not only I who had problems with him and now people realize that) So I am really getting over my anger, but it is still within. I just need to distract myself.

Not really anger and resentment, just a bit of annoyance that they were so horrible. I'd still laugh If I saw them fall down a drain or something.

My anger and resentment is aimed at males, because of the way they've treated me. It's quite a bad problem, actually.

how'd that treat you Hale_bopp?

Meldoy, I can soo relate to what you're going through. In the 70s-80s people where flat out DEMONIC toward me. (funny thing is that I'm not ugly or mean or anyoing)I've lost major career moves, freinds, relationships, and about anything you can think of because the people are just plain mean.
I've learned to move on a let alot of it go.(it took a lot of time and hard work on my part) Some of stuff that was done to me is really hard to forget. What works for me is the possibility of good things that can be in the future. You see, alot of people spend alot of negitive energy on the past while not changing thier life for what can be. I'm not saying to instantly forget what has happend to you. I'm saying it gets easier when you work the problem through.

J.C.

It depends on who it was and what they did.

Some people I feel sorry for and/or laugh at to this day.


-SpaceCase

Melody, I can definitely relate to the anger. It took me a LONG time to get past it, and I think that much of it was that I finally got burnt out on all the anger. There are many times I wanted to just get a loaded gun and start shooting people at random, saving the last bullet for myself. I really don't have any answers for you; like many things in life, we each have to work things out for ourselves. However, you definitely have my heartfelt support, and I'm not going to give you some pat answer about "letting your anger go" or the like -- I respect you too much to lay some trite, canned trip on you like that. But whatever you do, know that I support you as a fellow human being.

Oh man, I still hold grudges against people who have done things to me that are from the 2nd and 3rd grade!