my life sucks!!

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Hi all, haven't been on this website for YEARS!! I hope everyone's well? I'm so-so, and I just want to throw out this frustration and see if anyone has the same or similar problem.

So a year ago I was given a flat to live in independently. I'm not happy about doing independent living because I didn't get a lot of support from college about independent living, but I didn't realize it when I was first asked. I went ahead with it, thinking that I would get a nice place that would meet my needs. I was a bit upset because I felt I was going to lose my family and I have told them this, but they said that my room was always going to be here, etc. Soon I found a flat but I didn't like it. I have a big fear of power/electric showers, I just can't stand the noise, plus it's a box with lights, etc. This flat has a noisy power shower with a noisy drain too in the bathroom. I didn't want the flat end of but my mum made me accept it because I had rejected other flats and I could be pushed down further the waiting list. So anyway, we furnished the flat, etc. and I tried to explain to my social worker that I didn't think the flat was suitable for me. This didn't work and my parents got really angry with me. So I gave up.

Eventually my social worker closed my case so now I have to rely on my parents for support. The flat is in a high-rise tower block and while it is a good building, safe and clean, etc. the sound travels so I can hear most things. My heaters, etc also bang and this makes me jump and get upset. I don't even like hoovering and turning on the boiler (don't worry, I do turn it on) because of the noises. I don't use the shower in the flat and instead go home at weekends to bathe. I live about 10 minutes away from home. So yeah, I really struggle to use the bathroom and can't even look at the shower. I have had the flat for over a year now and I really hope to exchange it but this could also lead to problems for me, my parents are half-and-half about the idea, I haven't told them as I plan to do it after xmas, but the landlord could be an issue because they know I didn't like the flat because of the shower. The landlord isn't nice towards me, I haven't seen them in ages but I know they sound frustrated with me on the phone.

So this is it basically, my parents think the shower phobia is just silly and hope that I would be able to use it. My parents haven't been very understanding towards my needs especially the flat. I also feel lonely and isolated at home and have tried local organisations but I feel they don't meet my needs, I have mild autism and I would like to meet local people with needs similar to mine as I feel I would be able to talk to them. I plan to speak to someone who is involved in outreach next month about this, whether it will work or not I'll see as I know she will point out to me that I haven't been attending. I do have friends though, but some live far away but this isn't a problem for me.

Ok, this is definitely it. I am stuck and I know that my parents won't allow me to live back home permanently. I have been feeling depressed all week not just by the flat and loneliness but also by looking for work, but it hasn't been bothering me that much. I haven't had a great year, but I'm hopeful for tomorrow. I would be grateful for any advice about organisations, etc and also if anyone has been affected by any problems raised by this post. My mum hasn't been well also and the stress is really getting to me. I'm thinking about counselling but it probably won't work as I've had a one-off session before about the flat, etc. and all they told me to do is to speak to my mum. Thanks everyone!! !!

Hi again everyone,

I don't know if anyone has read the first post and to be honest I don't really care. As long as I can help someone in a similar situation know that they are not alone then that's fine with me. Well, a lot of things have happened since I started this thread last year(ish) I tried and failed to get the shower thing sorted . One option would have been to get a bath installed but it would have meant leaving the shower alone, which I would have hated as I can't even bear to look at the box on the wall, I have to cover it with the curtains. But after some debating and finding out what the neighbours had, we concluded that the shower has to stay as it is. This is a good thing in a way because it means that if I do exchange the flat the shower would be a good 'selling' point. I now have a outreach support worker and when I asked her for help on exchanging, she said no . She said that there are not enough one bed flats available in the local area and if I were to exchange, what if I wasn't happy with the flat e.g. what if I found something wrong or I didn't like about it? I took no notice of what she said, she doesn't know how it all started.

I felt very negative for the past few weeks and it was terrible, I felt like ending it all. Sometimes I wish I could just pack up and move to somewhere where I would feel happy. When I tell my parents I want to end my life, it just means I want this chapter of my life to finish so that I can begin a completely new one. A lot has happened to me this year, I'm doing more volunteering work which is a good thing but it is also a tough year as one of my closest and best friends had died. Sometimes I worry about the future and what things would be like in a few years time. If I lived in the right environment I wouldn't be worried so much and I would probably have a job by then, which would give me something to focus on, plus I'd have a social life. I am a positive person and will always try to be, no matter what happens. I just hope there is some silver lining regarding the flat, don't know when or if it will even happen. My sister has just moved into supported living and it is a palace compared to my place. Maybe things will change next year, who knows? Life goes on, and I won't give up just yet.

Hey man, I get it. These minds of ours don't work so hot. We tend to create mountains out of molehills and it's not something we can control by ourselves with ease. You sound like someone in a well supported, cared-for position. You've got a family that keeps an eye on you, you've got a positive attitude, and you're keeping that chin up going forward. I think you should build on that by seeking a therapist and some medication, if possible. I don't think you should have given up on that counselor, one meeting isn't giving the deal a fair shake.

Take it easy out there, eh?

At least you and I have a flat. I try not to groan too much about it 'being cold where I live' because I think, people are worse off elsewhere. But we never really think like that. Thinking outside the box is not something we can always do. :lol: