A hairstylist insulted me...

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I went to the mall. Objective: A haircut. Not just any haircut, but a pixie haircut. I've never had one before. Well, I went to this nice looking salon. When the stylist asked what I wanted, the conversation went as follows:

"So, what do you want done today?"

"A pixie. I'm kind of really nervous. I've never had one before..."

"Well, you should be nervous. A pixie will be drastic"

"My face is very small, so I think it will look good. *Tried to explain how I wanted it*"

"You should rethink this. It may fit your face, but your overall body has to be proportional to it, too. You know what I mean? *laughs*"

"I guess, but I..."

"Well, look. *Pulls hair all the way back* You see what I mean? It won't match your body. *Points to her own body how it's supposed to look*"

"Here. Let me show you. *Laughs, has me stand up and look at my body in the mirror* See? Do you see what I mean? The haircut has to fit the body, and it won't fit yours. *Smiling and laughing* Here... *Pulls chair back further so I can look at my entire body* Why don't you go and think about it? Yes, you should really go take a walk and think about it.. *Laughing*"

"OK, I'll go take a walk and think about it..."

I walked out in tears. I didn't understand what she meant until she kept pointing at my body and wanting me to see all of it. I'm overweight, so I guess she thinks a pixie wouldn't look good on me. I never encountered this before. I can't explain the type of snooty attitude she had. It was horrible. She also kept pointing to her own body (she has a pixie) as an example how a proper body should be proportional to have f*****g short hair.

I've never felt so insulted by a hairstylist. I'm only about 10 lbs overweight. From the front, you can barely tell because I retained my extremely curvy figure (no fat really deposited where the curves are). From the side, sure, my stomach sticks out a bit. I was also bloated, but never mind that. I can't believe a hairstylist who I almost paid $54 to would insult me like that and laugh while she said this very loudly in front of all of the other customers. I was crying when I left.


This is why I hate being around women. I always get the middle aged ones who are the most shallow people I've ever met in my life. I still can't believe this....

Wow. She was incredibly rude. That was uncalled for and she shouldnt even have a job if she is going to react like that. I think alittle extra weight os fine. I'm short and 160 pounds. I have an almost pixie cut and everyone says i look cute. They dont say my body doesnt look right with it so just 10 pounds over, especially if you can only tell from the side, doesnt matter. You had the right to be upset and she had no right to say that.

Thank you for your reply. It makes me feel better. I've honestly seen very big women who could pull it off REALLY well. It has more to do with facial shape than anything. I feel really awkward around these women. The piles of makeup, trendy clothes, and asthma-inducing perfume make me want to go hide under a rock.

I've been really depressed lately, and I was hoping a haircut could help me. I guess I'll have to keep looking. Hopefully, when I find someone, they will make it look great...

She was just stupid. Remember that those who try to put you down, is because they have issues themselves and have to make others to feel bad.
I don't like at all when people just want to hurt like that

That is a terrible experience. We all do have them from time to time. But most are not like that and you just got a bullying jerkess this time around. I have a few suggestions. One is to certainly not go back to that shop. Another is to take the time to submit a complaint to the shop owner. You can even do it anonymously. Hitting back at them in their paycheck is a good and appropriate response for such unprofessional and mean behavior.

I've watched a lot of Tabatha's Salon Takeover so I thought of a few things.

1.) Those higher end places, the clients expect the stylists to give their opinion during the consultation if it's a good idea or not, and how it will look.

2.) The stylist didn't have to be so rude if she thought the cut was a bad idea. She could have approached with much more tact.

This stylist was way, way out of line.

And by the way, this is one reason I sometimes put off for days a seemingly easy task like calling my bank or insurance company. I kind of have to be up for a conversation where the person is rude, stupid, and way out of line.

And if you can get to the zen place where it's okay to make a complaint and okay not to, that's a pretty good place to be.

Now, did you pay any money at all to the business? For a shampoo, buying a new bottle of conditioner, for a hairbrush, anything? If you walked in there and then walked out of there without paying a dime, that's a better place to be.

I have made complaints about businesses and then felt uncomfortable walking past them. Another way of looking at it is, she obviously has her own issues . . . 'Might be a while before I use the business again', that kind of deliciously understated approach. On the rare event I do use the business again, no, I don't want to get her again, I want to get someone else, 'because she's not a very good listener,' again a deliciously understated approach.

Yup, she was outta line. Take 20$ and go to a cheap place. Assure them that you want what you want. I've always had stylists be nervous when cutting my hair short because I come in with long or overgrown, unstylish hair. But never someone refused to cut my hair or suggested I was too fat for my haircut! (And I'm fat, 60lbs overweight!) I suspect that if I went in looking like a Barbie or something though, (not physical body, but dressed fashionably and with makeup on etc) no one would second-guess what I want. But as it is, they always, always, always double check. Fairly recently I got baby bangs, and the stylist had to go and check with her supervisor about it...yeesh!

The other thing I like about walking into a cheap place is that the stylists seem less likely to want to talk idly about things. They're all business, so it takes them half as long to do a cut just as good, so it's cheaper, and I'm happier because I don't have to talk about the fact that I don't have anything to talk about :-p

The only thing I can think of to say in defense of the hairstylist is that she probably gets people every week unhappy with their haircuts and they rail at the person who cut their hair. And with something like a pixie cut where it's really short, the hairstylist can't change it. You probably came off as timid and looking to her for advice or something, or you look like someone who would not like short hair (if that's even a thing), so she erroneously chose to decide for you. What an idiot she was!

Pixie cuts are super easy to manage, I highly recommend them if you have thin, fairly wispy hair like I do. I also think they're super-cute on a lot of women, especially if they're young...makes me jealous of them :-p

I'm so sorry this happened to you and I agree with the others who said she was out of line. She doesn't seem to be that bright, either, if she is turning business away. Usually stylists try to upsell to clients, not send them out the door before they've gotten any service at all.

Yeah awkward,
I had today again a lady at the baker's shop,always the baker's shops ,or butcher's or bank when the lady calls me mister(men don't make that mistake) calling me mister.I have long hair mostly worn in a twined knot but as I don't wear make up or female accessory , I think they make some point of not wanting me being a lady.
Even in the supermarket when I bought just a pack of pads, the lady said 'mister', so I corrected 'misses'
Aaaarrrgg

Ugh - sorry that you had to experience that.

The stylist was out of line. An honest opinion is one thing, but to do it with such arrogance in front of other people would be mortifying for me. I would have been wrecked for 2-3 days had something like that happened to me.

It seems though that you are handling it much better than I would, so congrats! In such instances I find it best to work toward reframing the whole experience into the sort of Zen-like way previously mentioned. But I do also like to first honor my emotions by giving them at least some opportunity to be felt. (It helps me avoid the dissociation I can fall into.) But once I acknowledge my emotions I do try to get to a place of indifference about it all. Once I have some distance from the initial emotional response, I can better glean lessons-learned for the next time some similar situation arises.

Thank you for posting - knowing your story will help me next time I face something along those lines.

Last time at a hairdressershop,must be twenty years ago I wanted my hair cut short , the whole staff came out to check if I was certain about it. LOL

That's horrible! Forget that b***h, she's not only wrong about the hairstyle having to match the body, she's only supposed to keep trying to change somebody's mind about a hairdo if they are maybe a girl with waist length hair wanting to just actually shave her head Brittany Spears style or something like that. She can discuss it with you a little bit if it's something she really thinks wouldn't look good, like maybe if you wanted to get one of the hairstyles from the TV show "Dynasty" or one of those overpermed asymmetrical 80's cuts, but otherwise she's supposed to do her job.

Also, my younger daughter is about 100 lbs overweight (she's about 230 and 5-6) and she has short hair and sometimes pulls it back severely and it looks fine on her. It depends on the facial features and the face, not the body. I would honestly think that this hairdresser may have some kind of weight obsession or something if you are only about 10 lbs overweight and she tried to point that out to you or something. If you were hugely overweight, maybe 200 lbs overweight and had a small head to begin with then I could see trying to talk you out of emphasizing that but being only 10 lbs overweight isn't really something that anybody would notice and certainly not comment on. She is probably fixated on weight and size for herself and so also on other people's. She could even have an eating disorder for all we know.

If I were you I'd call the owner of the salon. Tell him what she said and how it made you feel. Not only will he talk to her and hopefully get this straightened out but he will probably offer you a free haircut with him or one of his other hairdressers because that's the right thing to do. It would be the right thing to do too, for you to call and let the owner know about this. There is no way this is the only time she's done this or will do this. She may have been reported and talked to or maybe nobody has reported her yet. Either way the owner needs to know and to talk to her. She's got to learn not to do this to people, or she needs to get out of that profession if for some reason she's fixated on something and just can't stop saying things like that.

Call him and tell him what happened, please. Let us know how it turns out.

That's horrible, and she was really out of line, rude, and arrogant. You were right to walk out, and I would advise never to go back to that place. Hit them where it hurts, in the bottom line -- don't ever spend your money in a place that treated you badly like that.

It doesn't sound to me like she was purely trying to be helpful -- it sounds more like she's just a catty person. What she said, and the way she said it, was not only kind of pointless (the cut you want can look good on all kinds of faces and bodies, and anyway, if someone wants it they're probably going to rock it) but also quite cruel. Some people do seem to get casual kicks being randomly mean, catty/bitchy to someone who comes their way. I too experience many women to be this way, and it's why I am very wary of other women.

Go to a different place and get your hair whatever way you like, and don't worry about this woman's "advice."

Edit -- I just saw OliveOil's advice about calling the manager of the salon and relaying all this to him or her. I think that's great advice and you definitely should do that -- this woman needs to be talked to.


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I agree you should definitely call the manager if you can. Your complaint may be enough to prevent this from happening to anyone else. And be happy with your body! I'm over 50 pounds overweight, and don't need anyone else's opinion on it, especially a snooty, superficial b***h like her. BTW, was it a chain salon? Tell us who it is and I for one won't go there again...