Flirting has almost got me into trouble, feel like an idiot

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I always thought I was good at flirting, but now I'm not so sure. I kept on flirting with a man, and it didn't feel wrong, and I knew he enjoyed my attention and encouraged me more. I was not imagining things, I KNEW it was true, it went on long enough to know, and if there was a hidden camera showing everything, then you will realise how right I am. Just because I am an Aspie doesn't mean I get everything wrong. Flirting is easy and I see people flirting with each other all the time, whether they're already married or not. One day I even read up online some good tips for flirting, and as I read through the tips, I realise what I was doing with this man was exactly what was wrote down on the page, and everything he was doing back to me was exactly what was wrote down under the ''does he like you back?'' subtitle. So I was 100% certain that he enjoyed my attention and wanted more, which was why I carried on. Until one of his mates told me that he told her that he doesn't know what's wrong with me and that he hasn't done anything to encourage me. That then made me feel so unconfident and I felt like such an idiot after hearing that. I don't know whether I should be beating myself up about that, or if I should be upset with him for drawing my attention then telling other people that it's me and not him. I'm hoping he was lying to her because of his fear of her telling everyone else he knows, and you know what happens to things what get around; they start off as not a big deal, then extra words gets added in each time another person knows, until by the time it reaches the last person, it has turned into a completely different story. I should know better that people do lie because it can be so easy to lie. But with lies, I think of the untrue side, but then I think of the true side of it too, so both sides sound possible and it then starts playing on my mind until I can get proof of which part is true and which part is not. When I asked her if it was true what he said, she just said ''well go and ask him then!'' The way she said that made me think that it must be true. But then I think ''is she just pulling my leg? Is she trying to say these things to me then getting me to ask him only to humiliate him and make me look the idiot?'' But then I think, ''or could it be true?''
Ahh! It's one of those situations where there are lots of reasons for each possibility, so I really can't figure out what is true and what isn't.

Anyway, sorry to gabble on there. I'm just still caught in a whirlwind of panic, shame and depression. I'm just hoping that this will all blow over.

By the way the man's flirting consisted of winking, giving a ''cheesy'' smile, asking me questions like he's quite interested, gazing at me, and waving to me in a way which screamed out ''I'm over here, notice me!!''

My flirting with him consisted of gazing at him, smiling, and putting my hand on his hand, which he also liked because he would grab my hand and hold it tightly.

I don't see him a lot. I can't give away too much information about who he is and what he does as a living. He is not a colleague or neighbour.

I don't know who started this flirting, but I know it started well over 3 years ago and it's always been harmless fun. I don't see him enough to make it look like anything's going on (because nothing is going on anyway), but I do see him enough to recognise each other and enjoy a little flirt and/or small talk. He winked at me when I first saw him, and then I kind of felt sexual feelings for him inside, which made me enjoy approaching him, which then basically made us both flirt more with each other. So we're both as bad as each other, it's not neither his fault or my fault. I'm entitled to have a crush on someone, even if we both know that nothing is in it. The flirting may of not meant nothing but it still made me happy.

Whatever did I do wrong?

Maybe the best thing would be to just ask him out? Ask if he wants do to something with you. I know it's usually men that are supposed to take that first step, but you'll save yourself a lot of worry if you just do it yourself and find out if he's interested in more than just flirting. Certainly better than confronting him about what his friend said, at least.

Like you said there's always the possibility that his friend is lying, maybe because she is jealous or something like that. People do these things, they're complicated.

I think you should trust yourself when you think he was enjoying your flirting and flirting back, and maybe just take the initiative yourself. Then again, i'm no expert.

That sounds like feminine jealousy to me. "I haven't done anything to encourage her" is not the same as saying "I wish she'd cut it out, she's making me uncomfortable"

"I haven't done anything to encourage her" could just as easily be followed by "but I sure am enjoying it."

If he actually said that to her (and she may be making it up), my guess is he doesn't want to divulge his personal feelings to HER. Until he tells you himself he's not interested, ignore her. This is a common headgame that NT women play with each other. Don't be suckered. Ignore her and go with your gut.

What's the worst that could happen? If it turned out he really wasn't interested, then you'd be disappointed, but at least you gave it your best shot. If you give up because of a bit of gossip and find out later your instincts were right, then you will have wasted a wonderful opportunity.

Thank you, you have made me feel a lot better. I am not being sarcastic, I really mean you have made me feel a lot better.

I'm sure if he wasn't interested at all or was annoyed, he would either say it or show it in his body language. I can tell when I am being rejected, since I have been rejected so many times in my life so I know when I am being rejected or unnoticed, even if it is through non-verbal forms. If a man isn't that flirty or doesn't show much interest, I will hang back on flirting or not flirt at all, even if I really liked him. I would not make my feelings obvious. But this guy really has shown that he likes it, and has encouraged it, which is naturally why I have felt comfortable to continue flirting. Surely he's smart enough to know that.

Like the second poster said, ''I've done nothing to encourage her'' doesn't have to mean anything negative. I wasn't there when he told her so I have no idea how he said it. I do know that some people do exaggerate and also fantasize, so I'm hoping that she has interpreted what he said more seriously. She has lied to me before about other things, even though she did say she doesn't like to lie. But lying isn't always the same as exaggerating or fantasizing. Or perhaps she had forgotten what he exactly said, so just told me what she thinks she remembers. She's got herself so wrapped up in her love life with a new partner she had met that she probably doesn't know what she's saying half the time, when it comes to love. She's probably so glad that she's finally happy that she decides to make other people feel unhappy, I don't know. I don't think she is a very nice person, although she has said that she is.

Even if he's not meaning anything upsetting, I did get a little upset when she told me. I told him how much I liked him, then walked away almost crying, and I didn't speak to her after that. I just hope she doesn't run back to him and tell him how I reacted, or worse, make up some stupid lie about me or say my reaction was worse than what it really was. He might think I'm a bit silly or something. But I am young still, and he's older than me, so hopefully he will just think my feelings of him is ''cute'', and won't let himself get tied up in a silly feminine argument.

welcome to social life. this sort of thing is not surreal to Nts, so they probably wont judge it against you. flirting is all about confidence, even if you think you are doing it because you're unconfident, there still must be a teeny bit of confidence in you somewhere to be able to put yourself into a flirting position. and confidence is the key, as they say. plus you are young so i'm sure these people will get over it.

this sort of thing goes on where i work. theres always some sort of argument over who fancies who, who flirts with who, who thinks its right and who thinks its wrong, who shouldnt have told who....i could go on forever.

you just got to learn to laugh some things off. ok it may currently feel like a terrifying situation to be in, but after a week or so it will start to fizzle or blow over, and then you will look back and wonder what you were so worried about. it might even work out. you might see this man next week and he might still be friendly and flirty with you like always. and this time you will know not to tell this woman about him, just keep it between you and him, and if you feel you want to tell other people, only tell people you trust or who doesnt know this man or his mates.

some day you will thank yourself for this situation, because it gives you a chance to learn about trust. and dont worry if that sounds patronising, as it is common in humans to learn as they go along, even as adults, whether they have a disability or not. worry no more - there are far more bigger problems than this. just keep your chin up and look upon life as a bumpy ride.

I immediately thought of feminine jealousy too. As Willard said it sounds an unusual thing to say. "I haven't done anything to encourage her" sounds like he was trying to explain himself to this woman. And why would he need to do that Because she must have shown disapproval, so he was trying to say that he had no part in it. It doesn't mean he was putting you down necessarily. He might have just wanted to cool the air a bit so that woman kept her nose out. It certainly sounds like he fancies you.

Good answer!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

Careful now it doesn't mean he wants a relationship with you.

I know that and knew all along and respected that. But that still does not mean I don't get the pleasure of it, and knowing there's a good possibility that he wasn't being mean about me behind my back makes me feel better too, and less of a jackass. I have told a few other people about this (like close relatives, etc) and have got similar responses as what the posters on this thread have responded, so if a lot of people that I've told has said round about the same thing, then the possibility seems even greater.