Why I hate my birthday
I just hate being the center of everyone's focus. I don't want gifts because I don't like buying gifts for others on their birthdays. It just all feels so unwarranted.
I just want to have a quiet nice dinner out with my fiance and that's all the acknowledgement my birthday needs but then people get all bent out of shape when I ask them not to buy things or go out of their way to acknowledge the day. They only call me once a year anyway.
Drives. Me. Crazy.
Tomorrow is my birthday. Not happy about it.
I hate for people to give me gifts, I never know how I'm supposed to react and I feel like they're just staring at me, waiting to see what I'm going to do. Added to that, the fact that so few people have ever bothered to know me well enough to know what I would even want, it just always feels forced and obligatory.
Giving me a gift just because you felt you were supposed to only makes me feel guilty, as though I'm responsible for your being put to the trouble and now I owe you something for your effort, whether it's a reciprocal gift or a big fuss, of which I'm constitutionally incapable. Either way, it ruins my day.
I'm a firm believer that you should only give someone a gift when you happen to find something that makes you think of them and that you know beyond doubt they will like. Never, ever because it's a stupid Greeting Card Holiday or socially mandated "Gift Day."
I hate my birthday because that's the day when NT's have the right to make me to NT things for hours and hours. Actually, for the whole day. And I had better act like I'm happy with it, or else. No I do not want everybody yelling Happy Birthday when I wake up. I want silence while I get to use up all the hot water. Now *that* would be good on my birthday.
As for gifts, I know the drill. Gasp with delight. Thank them enthusiastically. If possible, wear it immediately, even if it hurts.
Oh and the dinner! It gets harder and harder to keep a smile on my face, nevermind laugh merrily at table conversation. And then the cake - remember to make the appropriate hypocritcal face. Oh, are you wearing the stupid hat yet? And make a wish, really, we'll wait, make a wish!
Do I need to tell you what my wish is?
I like me some gifts for my birthday. And birthday dinner.
But that's about the only thing I like about it. Don't get me wrong, I love being around my family, but I can only enjoy it for so long before it starts to wear me out.
It probably helps that my dad is a lot like me, and Mom was understanding when I told her I preferred it to keep my birthday low-key. Immediate family (which means my sister, her husband, and their kids), a big dinner of my choosing, and the cake. Some years, we sing "Happy Birthday", but not always.
I enjoy my family gatherings...but only to a point. After a while, I just want to be alone for a bit.
_________________
"There are three things that all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man."
-Count Threpe, The Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss
Me, too.
From a few close people it's ok, but I have always hated being the center of attention. I made a memorable stink several years ago when they surprised me, so that crowd won't do it again. With new people, I avoid telling anyone when it is.
For some people, it's an excuse for a get-together, which I understand. For others, it's just an obligation. No thanks.
The gifts usually make it worse. They want your first, honest reaction. I don't have one. I never do. My honest opinion about anything comes too slowly to be of any entertainment value.
I have pointed on that as well once.
When other people have birthdays, I am expected to care for the person having birthday and their wishes, and behave NT like, to make their birthday most pleasant.
When I have birthday, I am expected to care for the others NOT having birthday and their wishes, and behave NT like, to make THEM my birthday most pleasant.
I have tried once, to make my birthday a pleasant one, by simply caring about what I wanted to do on my birthday. I planned going to an history-exhibition with included midi-evil market, that was happening on my birthdays weekend, and I was already full in happy anticipation.
But because of my mom in law getting agitated about, that if I really rather wanted to do that "kind of stuff", then having the usual family celebration (Hooray. -.-) , I had to cancel it or else she would have been offended, about the possibility of people existing, that could think that visiting historical exhibitions is more pleasing then spending the day with her and do 6 hours of social pleasing.
So on one side, I get asked stupid question, why on earth my upcoming birthday does not give me any positive feelings. On the other side I am forbidden to celebrate my birthday. -.-
Giving me a gift just because you felt you were supposed to only makes me feel guilty, as though I'm responsible for your being put to the trouble and now I owe you something for your effort, whether it's a reciprocal gift or a big fuss, of which I'm constitutionally incapable. Either way, it ruins my day. Evil or Very Mad
This! Exactly!
Already this morning I've been accosted with a bottle of wine (I don't drink much) and given itunes gift cards (I don't use itunes).
It's not that I'm not grateful... It just makes things so awkward.
They were sure to buy gluten free cookies from a local bakery which was very nice of them and that honestly would have been more than enough for me. Now I feel guilty and indebted.
I don't like my birthday because I do not consider myself special,in the positive sense, to celebrate the fact that I have to live this hard if not horrible existence that is a life of a AS. I rarely have the feeling of sentiment for things like graduations and that sort of thing. Even if I was married with children, I would imagine I would have very little sentiment for those sort of things as well. I know people with more boring lives that live more improvised than me and yet they celebrate their birthdays. I don't know why, I have much more to be happy and grateful for but I just don't
In short, I hate birthdays because I dislike if not hate the fact I was born and I'm too much of coward to bring it to a premature end.
Here is the plan to avoid the awkward gift issues, state you won't open any until your birthday time as in hours and minutes and hold the dinner or party at least a few hours prior. That way you can do the opening in private and have time to prepare an appropriate response or better yet send a thank you e-mail!
mr_bigmouth_502
Veteran
Joined: 12 Dec 2013
Age: 30
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 7,028
Location: Alberta, Canada
I typically don't enjoy my own birthdays either. There have been exceptions (such as my 15th and 16th birthday parties, both of which involved my friends and I trashing the house and playing computer games ), but nearly every birthday I've had since I've turned 12 has either been extremely mundane or a disaster. I just don't see the big point of celebrating another year of being alive, when it's not likely to actually be fun or exciting, and the other 364 days of the year nobody seems to give a crap. For much the same reason, I'm not generally a big fan of Christmas or any other holidays (though again, there have been exceptions; Christmas 2013 was awesome since I got to see a bunch of my old friends and family).
Even before I moved far away from my hometown and deliberately lost contact with the rest of my family, I made a deal with my siblings and parents to skip the whole birthday and Christmas present tradition. They were a bit miffed when I pointed that it's all a huge waste of time and money and we'd be better off using our own money to spoil ourselves, but they reluctantly agreed and I could finally erase their birth dates from memory.
This would be cool except that I was born at 3 in the morning
This would be cool except that I was born at 3 in the morning
Have lunch or dinner the day before, your birthday is a 24 hour period, no reason it has to be bordered my 12:00am-12:00pm, like I said I tie at all into the time and not so much the day although I have an early night time/late afternoon birth time and since its always dark, frozen and sometimes inclement weather in January lunch is always the time of celebration if I have to have one.
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Birthday Wish |
22 Aug 2024, 3:01 pm |
Happy Birthday Lovecraft! |
26 Aug 2024, 7:39 pm |
Happy Birthday Cornflake! |
23 Jul 2024, 1:24 pm |
Happy Birthday Charles Bukowski! |
16 Aug 2024, 6:51 pm |