Why is everything taken from me?

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I am hoping that I will be able to discuss this with whoever they send me to locally for my AS assessment... I really don't want to go back to my doctor as last time, he seemed nervous of me... I mean, it was obvious I had problems, but he seemed in a rush to hurry me out. I think my lack of talk and my nervousness makes him nervous in turn. I also don't want to come across as a total hypochondriac. I find it hard enough admitting my shameful problems here... to me, it is shameful as it means I am defective. What good a intelligent mind if it is so f'ed up ? I am wondering if it is something to do with my underactive thyroid as that did cause me some issues before.

atypical depression much.....

just try to relax, and see the insignificance in these things you use to talk yourself down with.

whats thyroid?

mine must be too fast. everything is fast with me, healing (phisical), digesting, heating. i used to eat like about twice what a normal person would, yet i was still borderline underweight. that stopped though

Graelwyn.

I think you should get some help by either a pshychiatrist or someone you trust.
Tell them how you feel, what you are thinking og and what you think of doing, when i talked about my problems, things got better, i felt like 100kg`s were taken of my shoulder`s.

Don`t think about who your mother want`s you too be, you are you, no one can say who you are because it`s you we are talking about (hope that makes sense)

Do something for yourself, go out, have fun or just relax.

Don`t think about the past, the past is the past, nothing you can or could do about it, so don`t blame yourself for it, it wasn`t your fault.

If you would end your life and you`re thinking no one would care, WE will care because we love you! You have to know that.

I hope thing`s will get better for you "Hug"

EDIT: Oh, maybe it would help too talk too you`re father, too make him understand why you are feeling what you are feeling, maybe then he`ll understand you why you don`t want too get a job right now.
And maybe he`ll understand you and he`ll help you through out the hard times, and you have someone too trust.

We care about you, remember that.

Graelwyn,


Speaking as someone who's been there, let me say that life can get better.

Reading your posts is like looking back in time for me, and I have nothing but sympathy for you because I know how painful life can be. Let me add that you are doing the right thing by seeking professional help.

NOTE: IF YOU ARE NOT SATISFIED WITH THE HELP YOU GET, FIND A DIFFERENT PSYCHOLOGIST!

I emphasize this point because my experience is that most shrinks are used to working with people who need less help than you. I went through several therapists before I found one who didn't just tell me that either I needed to learn a few more social skills and then my life would be fine, or that everything that was wrong in my life was because I played Dungeons and Dragons.



People in serious pain need serious help. I wish I could be there to tell you in person that you are a good person and have friends here. I will not tell you to cheer up, because that just rubs salt in the wounds of depression, but I will tell you to hang tough.

Right now things look very bleak, but all of us here at WP will help you with your burden until you find your way forward to a better part of your life. And that better part is out there, although it will take an effort to get there.



In the meantime, just as an exercise in thinking outside your depression, write down something you like about yourself, whether it is a skill you possess, a physical trait, or the fact that you can toss marshmallows into the air and catch them on your nose. Put that where you will see it every morning when you wake up and every night when you go to bed.

We're all behind you.

With sincere hope,


Ikari Gendo

As long as there is life, there is hope. I know it's cliche, but things can get better, and problems can be resolved.

My neice Caasi killed herself a few years ago. She was 19. I loved her so much, she was a beautiful person. I wonder what her life would be like if she hadn't killed herself- maybe she would have gone to school and gotten a good job, maybe she would have fallen in love and gotten married, who knows. She would have gotten to see what a beautiful little girl her neice Emma has grown to be, and she would have met her sweet little cousin Lucy, and she would have been there to see her mom get married this summer. None of that happened, and nothing more ever will happen because her life is over. It can't get better, it's just over, and when she blew that huge hole in her head she left a hole in the hearts of everyone in my family that will never heal.

Graelwyn,

You sound like you have major depression on top of the AS.

The two may not be directly related, but being AS may make it harder to work your way out of depression, because it becomes too easy to rationalize away why therapy won't help.


Take care of yourself and good luck.