Things are getting harder.

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Okay, so it turns out that the more complex my social environment is, the more social anxiety and panic attacks I get, and the more difficult it is for me to concentrate and make and achieve goals and do self care tasks.

Right now I'm having mild panic attacks every 20-30 minutes regularly throughout the day.
I have some great coping techniques like taking naps, doing fun things, and deep breathing, but they haven't been effective enough at relieving the stress.
For the last few weeks, I've been trapped in more and more flashback visions of things that cause me to have panic attacks. One traumatic experience leads to another, and progressively worsens the anxiety.

I'm normally an anxious person, but things have been so bad lately that I can't concentrate. People in my household have been escalating this anxiety by purposefully introducing social drama, specifically with me. They tell me I am a liar, and they say I have (bad) motivations and intentions that I simply don't have, and the worst part is that they insist on it even when I tell them they're wrong.

I've been unable to force myself to be in the same room with the worst of them. When they talk around me for just a few moments, I get headaches. When I tell my family that I want to rent my own apartment, they act shocked, like I have just offended them. When I tell them what is bothering me, they say that I must be joking, or that I am trying to upset them. The only thing that makes my dad cooperate with me is when I spend 20-30 minutes yelling and insulting him. I think he may be some kind of masochist, and gets a kick out of it.

I've been trying to leave the house for years. Every time I seem to be making progress, my family starts some kind of completely ridiculous social drama with me, which gives me so much anxiety that I lose the ability to continue. Lately, I've been doing all the coping techniques that I can, and it's been difficult to make progress on anything.

I've recently started working with an organization to help me become more independent, but they expect me to make progress on my own, and I am afraid that they are going to reject me for not being able to make progress. The cumulative stress has become so bad that I can't talk on the telephone more than once per day, and if I do, I forget what to say and I have to wander around for the rest of the day confused and dizzy. If I try to force myself to have any complex thoughts, I immediately get a headache.

I'm only able to write this message because I haven't left my room yet. Just thinking about the situation to write it has made my whole body shake, and I will probably keep shaking for several hours while I sleep it off. I hope I can compose myself well enough at some point in order to get a glass of water so that I don't get dehydrated.

Yeah, that's NeuroTypicals for ya.
It's not their fault, they can only see what they've learned to see. But they don't learn it themselves they learn it from other NTs who are unlikely to have had much if any experience with Aspies.
Therefore they're running blind and can't learn it from you or from their current experiences except how they are treating you now.
They are using projection of their motivations, and what little they understand of other NTs motivations if dissimilar to their own.

They don't have a "pigeon hole" for you and keep trying to shove you into their other pigeon holes, regardless of how little sense it makes to them -"it must be true!"

In their opinion, you don't have the social rank, nor credentials, nor the "authority" position to affect their learning, their brains cannot hear you.
This is not a choice for them any more than ASD symptoms are a choice for you.

If you can find someone that they view as a higher social rank (in their individually preferred social groups) or with credentials or with an "authority" position they value (not literal authority, Actors they admire are an example of an authority to them) that can advocate for you, and to tell them how to see you, it should help a lot.

Either that or run away and pretty much never see them again, that works too to keep your sanity.

Xanax is really helpful in those situations.

Xanax seems interesting and completely appropriate, but I'm not capable of taking pills regularly, especially while I'm under stress.
I tried sertraline for a while, but the side effects of missing a dose were too much, so I had to quit it.

The idea of running away seems funny to me, but I've wanted to leave for more than 10 years.
I wouldn't know how to deal with the stress of the new environment while I'm still dealing with the aftershocks from the stress of the old environment.
I could try staying at the Lighthouse Mission, but the schedules they keep seem too complicated for me to follow without assistance.

I think I have to change my mind about this whole idea of enabling vs empowering. I really do need someone to make decisions for me and tell me what to do next in my daily life right now.

I've always known what the eventual result would be. The only option I have is to get an attendant, someone to make decisions with me, and remember my plans for me, and make sure I am where I am supposed to be. It's the only option I've ever had, but I wasn't sure that it was, and everyone told me that it was not reasonable.

Unfortunately, I don't have the ability to make the plans to get myself an attendant. Someone else must do this planning. I can't even make phone calls right now.

Get out of that house!


Okay, so it turns out that the more complex my social environment is, the more social anxiety and panic attacks I get, and the more difficult it is for me to concentrate and make and achieve goals and do self care tasks.


They are killing you!

They don't care!

You are a toy they will play with till they break you

then they will destroy you and then find another toy to play with and destroy




The idea of running away seems funny to me, but I've wanted to leave for more than 10 years.
I wouldn't know how to deal with the stress of the new environment while I'm still dealing with the aftershocks from the stress of the old environment.


Once you leave, the stresses from the old (comfortable, get s**t on every day, get put in your place, bullied, disempowered, disgraced,
worthless, helpless, hopeless, KNOW YOUR PLACE!)



Will slowly disolve

and slowly you will find yourself evolved
and enabling and empowering yourself



Get the f*k out of there!

I think you're totally right, but that's "easier said than done."
I feel like the pink haired kid from soul eater. Was that kid a girl or a boy? I guess it doesn't matter.

I will help you
I'm not rich but I have ideas

who can help you?

the first thing to remember...
no, not to remember

to know

it is you and only you

you are the first obstacle


I feel like the pink haired kid from soul eater. Was that kid a girl or a boy? I guess it doesn't matter.


You do fukng matter!


How dare you compare yourself to some prop in a fukiing plot twist in some b movie!



let me tell you some thing brother

being an aspy is unresolved and unrequited bewilderment at the behaviour of neurotypicals

but that is only an associated state of comparison


enough philosophy
You need real help
I'll put my thinking cap on

I have thought about it

I wrote an informational paper today and handed it in to the doctor's office.
It describes the consequences of overworking myself, and warns that my condition is getting worse.

The only thing I can do right now is ask for help in as stress-free a way as possible, as frequently as possible. I still had to rest for 4 hours after handing in the paper.

Unless I find some miraculous way of reducing the long term effects of this progressively worsening stress problem, all I can do is try to think of more ways to ask for help. The days of "DIY" (do it yourself) are finally over, after 10 long years.
I wondered how long it would take before my ability to cope alone would go away. I guess now I know.
Now it's time to be saved.

Deleted because I think too much


This is only an idea I had thinking about your problem,
but I seriously think it is a winner!


I thought about it seriously both when I am drunk and when I was sober



Professional absent house inhabitants

Now, let's think about this,,,

we don't throw parties
we don't have girlfriends
we're honest and truthful
we prefer to be alone
we can call the police if someone tries to break in
and we can put out fires if the alarm goes off

in my opinion, this is the perfect job for us!

I thought of using something similar to that as a reason for a rich and successful woman to marry me.
But of course, it's not appropriate for a man to be the shy and sensitive housewife.

I will keep your house and possessions safe while you're at work, and I'll be waiting for you to come home, and I'll do lots of things that will make you feel much better. You will have no idea how you survived without me!
I'm not submissive or subservient, so I can't see me doing that for anyone but a love interest.

But really, I'll be able to function just like any "normal" person, if I could get the treatment for stress that I need.
Maybe just 2 months of inpatient care at some kind of recovery center would do it... That gives me ideas...

Wow, I told my therapist that I have to sleep more and do less, and he made it seem like I was trying to be lazy. I think now that he thought I was bragging! HOW, WHY WOULD I BRAG ABOUT THIS!??
He said something like "I have to go to meetings for the rest of the day, and you get to sleep."
It is people like this who make it impossible for me to recover!
I don't have a choice! I have to sleep more and do less!

I noticed that people have said "you are very smart" to me, and now I suspect that they say it as an excuse not to help! I'm not smart enough to get myself out of this situation! No, in fact, I can't think at all most of the time!
I think I have figured out that they use a "tone of voice" when they tell me how smart I am, and then they tell me that they expect me to do everything for myself!

Meanwhile my condition worsens, and I have no ability to stop it or get any help at all.

I spent extra effort going places to ask for help, knowing the stress would damage my health more, but hoping that someone would know what to do. All I am able to do is get people jealous of me?? I don't understand it! It seems the more a person knows me, the less they want to help, and the less they believe that I have any problem at all.

Aspergers has Many, Many, Many, Many, Many comorbidties.

Could your problem be one of these:

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/tiredness-an ... dness.aspx

It could be one of those in the list, but since my area's systems seem to be DIY only systems, and since I am not currently able to do complex planning on my own, it isn't likely that I would ever get a diagnosis, and if by some miracle I did get a diagnosis, there's nothing I could do to get treatment for it.

I have recently learned of two more groups I might be able to ask for help.


Social services are harmful to society because they give people an extra excuse not to help each other. If someone has a problem, people won't gather together to help, they will say not to bother them and to go somewhere to get fixed. I can't protest the services because I rely on them in order to survive because everyone in my life tells me to go somewhere to get fixed and not to bother them.

Oh well.

Ooh I just found a place that seems to be exactly what I need. It makes me want to live in Kentucky.
http://cdpvtc.ky.gov/services/
Aha! Everything in one place! Now to find the same services in other locations....

By social services, I mostly mean mainstream local services where everyone dumps their diseased relatives because they don't want to deal with them. The social services do the job, but only because so many people relinquished their humanity and abandoned their flesh-and-blood. Then others who would normally help people in need are conditioned to ignore them instead, expecting them to get help from the organized social services. Of course, the places get overloaded due to general apathy in society to people with problems, which was caused by the social service. Often the best of intentions produce unexpected consequences. There may be no turning back from this...


Not republican, politics is too religious and social for me. Can't trust any of those guys enough to vote for them.