Congratulations! It's PTSD!

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I've been studying the PTSD issue just recently.
I guess it might not be so good for a lot of people here, but one great free therapy for PTSD is at calm.com.
I've been using it a lot to help me calm down, it is (supposed to be) a calming video and ambient sounds that play immediately.
Along with a breathing and an eye movement style, I've been finding great results in treating myself.
I take a slow deep breath in and out with eyes closed, then I look and move my eyes around similar to EMDR. It also helps to forgive yourself and the cause of the trauma, but people are not always ready for that. There are some findings that say that negative thinking can cause mental illness, so I am avoiding that as much as possible, even though my situation is really quite negative.
The therapy has an immediate temporary effect, but must be done regularly in order to be permanent. Also, if it doesn't feel right for you, it's probably not working.

I very much agree with what people have said in other topics, it's easy to have AS and (complex) PTSD. I myself theorize that I developed it since before my earliest memories, maybe at about 1 1/2 to 3 years of age.
Unfortunately, anyone in my area who takes my medicare insurance isn't really qualified to diagnose or treat me for anything (I found out the hard way)! I am considering organizing a large law suit about it, but I don't have the energy. Basically it means that I would have to "cure myself" in order to be well enough to get a job to afford treatments! (I'm currently so messed up I'm unemployable.) I have given up on mainstream services, they just don't help me.

So I've been doing PTSD therapies (which the professionals I talked to weren't able to suggest or assist me with), and I've been "unlocking" some very disturbing repressed memories of my family torturing and traumatizing me! Wow! It explains why I can't discuss intimacy details, not even to an imaginary person in my mind. Best time to do the therapy is during the trigger. It partially erases the emotional imprint that you want to remove. I've been shaking less and having less of that weird feeling in my chest. I've been less forgetful, my aches and pains have been less severe, and I have been struggling less with focusing on things I don't like thinking about.

The biggest thing I learned with PTSD is that I can't improve until after I've healed the trauma scars in my mind. The therapists wanted me to do the things that caused me to become immobilized with fear, all by myself, before I had learned any way to heal from the stress. The main causes of trauma have to be temporarily removed, regardless of what they are, and if panic happens during exposure therapy, absolutely don't try to "push through the pain."

That was the good news. The bad news is that I still don't have any natural social behaviors or feelings, so once the PTSD is managed, I am planning on doing some very detailed studying on people in support groups in order to memorize healthy social behaviors to use. I still don't know what caused it. Maybe it was the AS or PTSD or both, or maybe it's something else. It is the main reason I fear purely social situations.

I don't know what to say, except that I care, and that if I were a gambler,I'd bet everything on your future happiness and well being. Many therapists consider PTSD mostly untreatable. One reason for that is that with PTSD it is SOOOO hard to take pro-active steps. You are already doing that. You have a plan [and it's not staying in despair] and you are already working on it. Yay, you.

I also have PTSD. It sucks. For me, I probably will never be "cured" but by taking positive action, it is [mostly] manageable. Lately I have found myself stuck in that despair. Your post reminded me to keep taking action. Thank you so much [So,how much do you charge an hour for therapy?]

I still have moments of flashbacks from my abusive past and hating myself and blaiming myself and urges of self harm thus triggering my meltdowns as well its not fun at all.