I know how you feel.
When I entered high school, I was already in a 1 year relationship with a girl. Girls thought she was just a friend and just pushed her aside but I turned them away. But because of the pressure, we broke up. I had trouble saying my feelings fro her sometimes and so did she. We wanted to keep everyone out of it, but our friends and the gossip of the class just rained down on us and it was for the best. If neither of us was comfortable for the relationship, then it couldn't happen.
I hate heartbreak.
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Shedding your shell can be hard.
Diagnosed Level 1 autism, Tourettes + ADHD + OCD age 9, recovering Borderline personality disorder (age 16)