Board index › Coping in life › The Haven

I Hate Myself

Page 2 of 3 [ 38 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Ann2011
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,843
Location: Ontario, Canada

11 Jun 2014, 12:40 pm

Thanks Vicky.
I would love to come to your camp. It sounds idyllic. Wish we were in the same countey though. Ontario Disability gives you a hard time if you leave the country, but I might be able to swing it to go to AutHaven as this is specific to my disability.
Hugs : )



AspieOtaku
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,051
Location: San Jose

11 Jun 2014, 1:19 pm

Oh Ann2011, *hugs* please don't hurt yourself, I know what your going through and it sounds like a bad meltdown where you hate yourself and want to punish yourself I go through the same thing. If you need someone to talk to im here as well as others you remind me of myself at times when I have those same kinds of melt downs. Hurting yourself hurts those who care about you and if you don't think anyone cares I at least care very much.


_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList


Toy_Soldier
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,370

11 Jun 2014, 1:49 pm

Since these rage episodes are predictable in a sense (Not when, but that they will happen), perhaps you can set up a way to deal with it. I would certainly talk about it with the new doctor. Perhaps you can also self-investigate some coping skills. So when it happens again you have a plan and perhaps some medication to help you deal with it. Glad you made it thru that last one.



Ann2011
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,843
Location: Ontario, Canada

11 Jun 2014, 4:09 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
Oh Ann2011, *hugs* please don't hurt yourself, I know what your going through and it sounds like a bad meltdown where you hate yourself and want to punish yourself I go through the same thing. If you need someone to talk to im here as well as others you remind me of myself at times when I have those same kinds of melt downs. Hurting yourself hurts those who care about you and if you don't think anyone cares I at least care very much.


Thanks Otaku. : )
I am exhausted today and so disoriented. In retrospect I think this meltdown has been brewing for a while. Hugs.

Toy_Soldier wrote:
Since these rage episodes are predictable in a sense (Not when, but that they will happen), perhaps you can set up a way to deal with it. I would certainly talk about it with the new doctor. Perhaps you can also self-investigate some coping skills. So when it happens again you have a plan and perhaps some medication to help you deal with it. Glad you made it thru that last one.


Thanks : )
Perhaps there is something they can give me for these episodes. My GP has asked for the psychiatrist to review my meds. Maybe they can give me something to keep me more level.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

11 Jun 2014, 9:40 pm

glad you're feeling better.

I cried when i read that. I can stand seeing or hearing about cutting. any time I see pictures of slit wrist it makes me so sad. even just now :'(

hugs extra tight.


had a mini attack myself. I have good control though. its just like deep sadness and frustration. then the thoughts come, but i've learned how to fight them. but it really sucks for the time it happens. I don't really want to die, as I hope you don't either.

few years ago I did come as close as i have ever to actually doing it but I just couldn't, it was then I realized I am not able to kill myself.

I don't really know you but honesty I have gotten to know you enough that if I heard you died i would be quite sad for a while.
there was this guy on a browser game forum that killed himself, he was a nice nazi lover. so strange guy but seemed nice. It made me really sad to hear he did it.

I care about you if that doesn't sound creepy. I hope you keep up the fight.



Ann2011
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,843
Location: Ontario, Canada

11 Jun 2014, 10:17 pm

sly279 wrote:
glad you're feeling better.

I cried when i read that. I can stand seeing or hearing about cutting. any time I see pictures of slit wrist it makes me so sad. even just now :'(

hugs extra tight.


had a mini attack myself. I have good control though. its just like deep sadness and frustration. then the thoughts come, but i've learned how to fight them. but it really sucks for the time it happens. I don't really want to die, as I hope you don't either.

few years ago I did come as close as i have ever to actually doing it but I just couldn't, it was then I realized I am not able to kill myself.

I don't really know you but honesty I have gotten to know you enough that if I heard you died i would be quite sad for a while.
there was this guy on a browser game forum that killed himself, he was a nice nazi lover. so strange guy but seemed nice. It made me really sad to hear he did it.

I care about you if that doesn't sound creepy. I hope you keep up the fight.


I have almost killed myself a couple of times, mostly from reckless behaviour like mixing alcohol with pills. I just get this rage inside me like a wild beast. I don't want to die and have been lucky not to.

Thank you for your concern. I'm sorry to have made you sad. I am bothered when others harm themselves too.

I will keep fighting and try to come up with a way to manage my self destructive tendencies.

Big hug



AspieOtaku
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,051
Location: San Jose

11 Jun 2014, 11:20 pm

Ann2011 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
glad you're feeling better.

I cried when i read that. I can stand seeing or hearing about cutting. any time I see pictures of slit wrist it makes me so sad. even just now :'(

hugs extra tight.


had a mini attack myself. I have good control though. its just like deep sadness and frustration. then the thoughts come, but i've learned how to fight them. but it really sucks for the time it happens. I don't really want to die, as I hope you don't either.

few years ago I did come as close as i have ever to actually doing it but I just couldn't, it was then I realized I am not able to kill myself.

I don't really know you but honesty I have gotten to know you enough that if I heard you died i would be quite sad for a while.
there was this guy on a browser game forum that killed himself, he was a nice nazi lover. so strange guy but seemed nice. It made me really sad to hear he did it.

I care about you if that doesn't sound creepy. I hope you keep up the fight.


I have almost killed myself a couple of times, mostly from reckless behaviour like mixing alcohol with pills. I just get this rage inside me like a wild beast. I don't want to die and have been lucky not to.

Thank you for your concern. I'm sorry to have made you sad. I am bothered when others harm themselves too.

I will keep fighting and try to come up with a way to manage my self destructive tendencies.

Big hug
Your not alone hon I do the same thing at times, you must stay strong dont let those self hating negative thoughts manifest if you suceeded in killing yourself many people will be very sad! Stay strong think of tommorow being a brand new day get out and ride a bike or find a nice relaxing spot and gaze upon the sky and let your worries and stress disappear. I wish I could send you some chocolate and lots of hugs!


_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList


sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

13 Jun 2014, 12:51 am

Ann2011 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
glad you're feeling better.

I cried when i read that. I can stand seeing or hearing about cutting. any time I see pictures of slit wrist it makes me so sad. even just now :'(

hugs extra tight.


had a mini attack myself. I have good control though. its just like deep sadness and frustration. then the thoughts come, but i've learned how to fight them. but it really sucks for the time it happens. I don't really want to die, as I hope you don't either.

few years ago I did come as close as i have ever to actually doing it but I just couldn't, it was then I realized I am not able to kill myself.

I don't really know you but honesty I have gotten to know you enough that if I heard you died i would be quite sad for a while.
there was this guy on a browser game forum that killed himself, he was a nice nazi lover. so strange guy but seemed nice. It made me really sad to hear he did it.

I care about you if that doesn't sound creepy. I hope you keep up the fight.


I have almost killed myself a couple of times, mostly from reckless behaviour like mixing alcohol with pills. I just get this rage inside me like a wild beast. I don't want to die and have been lucky not to.

Thank you for your concern. I'm sorry to have made you sad. I am bothered when others harm themselves too.

I will keep fighting and try to come up with a way to manage my self destructive tendencies.

Big hug


i get that though i don't know what to call what i get i guess it could be internal rage. i hug blankets and let it pass while breathing calming.

hugs.

i'm always here if you want/need to message. i can't do calls or skype voice.



Ann2011
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,843
Location: Ontario, Canada

13 Jun 2014, 4:09 am

sly279 wrote:
i get that though i don't know what to call what i get i guess it could be internal rage. i hug blankets and let it pass while breathing calming.

hugs.

i'm always here if you want/need to message. i can't do calls or skype voice.


Hugs. Thanks.

I know I upset my mother with my anger even though I don't aim it at her. That's part of the reason I want to get my own place. She is too old to be dealing with my issues.



AspieOtaku
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,051
Location: San Jose

15 Jun 2014, 12:42 am

*hugs* and *hugs* again I care about you very very much you are a sweet person!Also your from Canada half of my family is Canadian from my mothers side! I have a soft side for Canadians for me being a first generation born American from a Canadian mother I care very much we are neighbors and best friends! And now the National Anthem of my mothers country maybe some day i can immigrate to Canada some day I hope to live in Vancouver B.C. Some day! [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xvGKihWh6w[/youtube]


_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList


YaxxbassDK
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 15 Dec 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 18

15 Jun 2014, 1:33 pm

I don't know who you are, I frankly don't care, because when you say that you do not have any purpose, I can already call it BS without having a single clue about you.

Look at all these people give a damn, offering you a hand, spending time on you, for you, because they care for you. You are able to make people care for you, like you and if that's not a testament to your worth to the people around you, I don't know what is. :wink:

Just 2 cents from a stranger :wink:



Ann2011
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,843
Location: Ontario, Canada

15 Jun 2014, 1:59 pm

YaxxbassDK wrote:
I don't know who you are, I frankly don't care, because when you say that you do not have any purpose, I can already call it BS without having a single clue about you.

Look at all these people give a damn, offering you a hand, spending time on you, for you, because they care for you. You are able to make people care for you, like you and if that's not a testament to your worth to the people around you, I don't know what is. :wink:

Just 2 cents from a stranger :wink:


Thanks : )

Awesome avatar, btw.



AspieOtaku
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,051
Location: San Jose

15 Jun 2014, 9:34 pm

.....If you and I didnt live to far away I would take you on a ride in my Canadian made car to the beach! :oops:


_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList


the-comander
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2014
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 236
Location: boston area

23 Jul 2014, 7:16 pm

Ann2011 wrote:
I wish I could violently stab myself to death - I hate who I am and I feel such rage toward myself.

I'm never going to overcome my autism - at best I am an amusing oddity. I can't be productive and I can't offer anything to anyone. I'm a burden - a source of dicordance.

I wish I had a gun, I would blow a hole in my head so fast.

i hate myself too, my advice is dont kill yourself just learn how to hide who you really are and then everything will gradually get better.
im not being sarcastic either, i have a job and am going to be in normal school soon, you want life to work out you should probably follow that advice, its the kinda thing that can make your life work.



Ann2011
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,843
Location: Ontario, Canada

23 Jul 2014, 7:20 pm

the-comander wrote:
Ann2011 wrote:
I wish I could violently stab myself to death - I hate who I am and I feel such rage toward myself.

I'm never going to overcome my autism - at best I am an amusing oddity. I can't be productive and I can't offer anything to anyone. I'm a burden - a source of dicordance.

I wish I had a gun, I would blow a hole in my head so fast.

i hate myself too, my advice is dont kill yourself just learn how to hide who you really are and then everything will gradually get better.


Interesting timing as I am just fighting these feelings again. I am so fed up with every day being a struggle not to lose it. It's like all life has to offer is years of treading water and then drowning.



Misslizard
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jun 2012
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 20,481
Location: Aux Arcs

23 Jul 2014, 8:05 pm

You strike me as a good and caring person,I'm sure you do acts of kindness to others.I hope you feel better soon,did you go to the local urban garden?You mentioned your Mom goes.Sometimes it's nice to just sit outside around living things and turn off your mind.And dirt smells good and feels good to the hands.


_________________
I am the dust that dances in the light. - Rumi