I REGRET THAT I DIDN'T GO THROUGH WITH ENDING MY LIFE

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Mishra2012
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29 Jun 2014, 6:46 am

I still regret it and I probably always will. I'm not attractive enough to have the life I want. On top pf that I'm pregnant and stuck with an abusive man and no way out. He is only emotionally and verbally abusive. He isn't very faithful, not sure how far he goes but he is online chatting with women..I see his profiles, see him logged on and can sometimes hear the chat noise when he is on... He doesn't care how I feel.
I have no support system, no way to get away from him.

I started a youcaring account to reach out and hopefully get some help. Help enough to get baby things and move way. No one's donated. My mother lead me on to believe (for the 3rd time) that she'd help me get away and she again failed... Even when I said I was coming to pick up some mail she said "no I'll send it to you..".

So here I am stuck in misery and death is still the most peaceful thing I can imagine happening to me.


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CockneyRebel
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29 Jun 2014, 1:05 pm

Sweet Pea hugs from CanadaImage

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I wish there was something we could do to help.

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cathylynn
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29 Jun 2014, 2:21 pm

do you have a domestic violence shelter in your area? ours includes verbal abuse as reason to take someone in.



Mishra2012
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30 Jun 2014, 2:51 am

cathylynn wrote:
do you have a domestic violence shelter in your area? ours includes verbal abuse as reason to take someone in.


I'm pretty sure the shelters here are threats and physical violence only. Also I would still be too close to him. I posted on my Facebook and some relatives have responded offering me help. An aunt that helped raise me said she will send me $200 towards my new place and a cousin said she will come pick me up(backup in case my mom doesn't show..).

I'm just trying to focus on seeming normal so he doesn't suspect anything. I still need $1000 at least just to secure a new place and get something for my son to sleep on. Wish me luck.


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BuyerBeware
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30 Jun 2014, 1:09 pm

Good luck, and *hugs*

I know that feeling of despair (not of being stuck in an abusive relationship, but of feeling like I'm always going to be sub-par and might as well give up). I know it all too well. I'm losing in hand-to-hand combat with it right now.

It sounds trite because it is trite, but keep going and don't give up and don't give in. Pretty/attractive isn't everything; in terms of finding a partner it isn't everything and in terms of making your own way it isn't much at all. ANYONE can be clean and neat; that counts for a lot more in the world of managing to make your own way than "pretty." It's easier said than done but it needs doing, and it's trite but it's true.

Keep going.


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Mishra2012
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30 Jun 2014, 7:29 pm

BuyerBeware wrote:
Good luck, and *hugs*

I know that feeling of despair (not of being stuck in an abusive relationship, but of feeling like I'm always going to be sub-par and might as well give up). I know it all too well. I'm losing in hand-to-hand combat with it right now.

It sounds trite because it is trite, but keep going and don't give up and don't give in. Pretty/attractive isn't everything; in terms of finding a partner it isn't everything and in terms of making your own way it isn't much at all. ANYONE can be clean and neat; that counts for a lot more in the world of managing to make your own way than "pretty." It's easier said than done but it needs doing, and it's trite but it's true.

Keep going.


"feeling like I'm always going to be sub-par and might as well give up" I've felt that way too(many times prior to my current predicament).


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envirozentinel
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03 Jul 2014, 2:21 pm

I wish there were a more practical way we could help you, but in lieu of that, let me just express my wish that everything will eventually come right. Take things one little step at ta time. At least you do have something to live for and I wish you all the best in your endeavours. You are stronger than you think you are. I'm sorry your b/f has no feelings for you.

Having come pretty close to losing someone I care about most in the world due to suicide some years ago, and having major meltdowns for a long time after that, I can speak from experience how difficult it is for loved ones to come to terms with, even when it didn't actually happen. It was both a call for help and a wake-up call for others.

Please keep us updated!



bl44d3lf
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06 Jul 2014, 3:28 pm

never give up.