The ebb and flow of hurting in perpetuity

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I find myself in a tidal like cycle of darkness, briefly Interrupted by moments or days wellness. Anxiety attacks, misunderstandings, domestic Violence, and the occasional sunset.
Some days actually are wonderful! But most are just surviving the hurt and slights.

I was the victim of a disturbed persons attention and manipulations. I was in one of the darkest periods of my life, and this person found me and started writing to me and expressing love and nonsense. Then the Mind games started, and reversal of reality found me being accused by my tormentor of the very same emotional crimes committed against me.
Things cooled off For a week or so, then I was attacked by a drunk woman, for looking at my phone minding my own business.

I made an attempt to find emotional support on my homesite for autism, after I was repeatedly physically attacked in a domestic violence incident. I quickly learned that no one cares or believes when a male aspie is abused by a drunk woman. This plea for help led to me being publicly mocked by a different online acquaintance, who accosted me online, basically called me a liar and baited me. I was overwhelmed and I fled my home website for autism. I tried to go back only to find myself discretely banned. Now I find I have been exiled from friends and site (not this one) although I made no argument, no public or private, broke no rules.

I started having anxiety attacks again, my psychiatrist moved away, and my counselor is taking a 6 month leave of absense.

I am so lost and hurting.

I think you'll find this is a safe place to be. people will listen to you here and not judge you. and if anybody DOES judge you, remember that you should just continue being who you are and saying what you feel, because the people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter.

Thank you

prego