Anybody else feel lonely this holiday season?

Post Reply New Topic

I might be just jealous, but it's hard when I see family members my age in awesome relationships and some even are married, and I've never been in any kind of romantic relationship besides a date or two. It's just so frustrating!! This is the #1 downside of having Asperger's. I'm starting to think of giving up on ever falling in love. Life really sucks sometimes.......

Butterfiend,

I am so sorry that you are in such emotional pain during this time. I sort of feel what you feel; it bothers me that year after year no one ever bothers to check with me to see what my plans are on Thanksgiving, so I try to make the best of it. I too get a little angry that others I know have the things we can only dream of, but then I have to stop myself and realize that comparing myself to others won't do me a bit of good. All I can do is keep moving forward. Please do not ever give up on love. I say the same thing to myself a lot of times, but I am starting to realize that having that very mindset is setting me up for a fall. The best thing to do is just try to keep on keeping on and don't give up. I may not have been helpful with all I just said, but i hope I was, even if only a little bit. I am always around on here if you need a sounding board.

I don't know as I would say I am any more lonely than normal. I have become used to my solitude and no longer associate it with loneliness. I have no desire to be a part of any social situation if it requires my participation. If I could be present in the festivities yet completely oblivious to everyone present, it would be spectacular, but I always feel like a monkey in a carnival show when I am with other people and feel like everyone is dissecting my mind. It is just chaos inside my head.

I am more melancholic at this time of year, but I have ben melancholy to varying degrees for my entire life, so melancholy is tolerable as compared to loneliness.

I feel like a baby posting here, but I have no other place to go with it.

I've been estranged from my mother's side of the family, and my dad's side of the family for 10 years since my mother died. Picture everyone just f*****g vanishing and you have NO CLUE. Like right after the funeral. The only thing that marks it better is they all.cut out my sister and brother too.

We weren't bad kids.
We are not bad adults.
No issues with the law, drugging, drinking or mooching for money. No family psycho drama. Just poof!

Mix in to this mess my dad has been estranged from my sister for 10 years. At least she has a reason. She shot off her big mouth right after mom's funeral. (My relatives do not know about this fight, so no excuse for them).

I see my sister. I sort of see my brother. What really hurts is my dad does not talk, phone, write or see me at all. My father lives with my brother, who is single. I ask about my father, and my brother says *hes fine*.

My father has gutted everyone out of his life except my brother, and I doubt they get along that well anyway. Father has no phone. No car. His choice, as I would certainly pay for him to have a phone.

The hurt is the no contact. WHY?

Was I that terrible a kid?

Is is the bipolar disorder, which never effected him? I was an adult at diagnosis, didn't live with my parents, so they never saw the crazy.

Is it my husband's ASD, and how you really don't care for him?

I suck as an adult?

*crickets*

I wish I knew the reason, no matter how stupid it would come off. I have no clue why my father has checked out with me. Asking my brother is useless, and would only piss him off. I've seen other people try to reconnect with my father, and he doesn't respond at all.

The problem I have, is I have a kid. I CAN NOT IMAGINE NEVER SEEING HER AGAIN. I can't imagine what she would have to do, that I would just cut her out like that, and not tell her. I've racked my brain with my dad, but I've seeing thieves and substance abusers who have better relationships with family.

It's hard seeing my husband with his parents. They at least give a s**t. My husband doesn't see it due his social skills, and granted they are a trip. BUT they try. My father might as well be dead. He has no dementia and no major health issues.

So I'm having my pity party for one now. I am grateful for what I do have, but there is something just extra horrible when a parents guts you out of his life, and you truly don't know why.

Blah......I usually on feel like this around the holiday.

Thanks for indulging me, and letting me vent...

Even NTs get the shunned/ignored treatment from families.

^Thats pretty rough,was he always like that?it kind of sounds like the passing of your mother,his wife(if i understood correctly)may have affected him more than he lets on,it could have destroyed him to the point where he just gave up in which case it would have nothing to do with you or your siblings.
I do kind of know what its like to not talk to my father.my parents split when i was young(7-9?)and over the years we saw each other less,we rarely spoke over the phone,sometimes when we did it was forced on us by someone.i made no big deal over it cause i understood that we were alike in that way and it didnt mean we didnt care.It was tough when he passed (f$&@@$ cancer)

And yes ive been extra down lately,i almost broke into tears the other day watching my friends gf go through xmas decorations with her daughter.it reminds me of what im missing out on.
I live with my parents and tbe past few years they stopped putting any effort into anything that didnt include themselves,for example no effort in decorating if we(me and younger sis)want decorations we have to do it while they sit in front of their laptops,and that includes the tree its all on us.personally if it weren't for my sis i would not do it,but i wont let her do it alone.And this year they are going away for xmas to some spa or something and leaving us alone so my sis decided to go to her friends place,so that leaves me alone this year.

The holidays are often rough for me. I miss those closest to me, who have either died or choose to no longer be around me. I often feel unwanted, without understanding why. I know my Mom and sister both love me, but I'm not close with very many in my extended family.

Nah, screw the holidays....all the people stuck on that are the problem.

I'm always lonely. Constant rejection does that to a person.

I am glad to see that I am not alone on this one and I don't necessarily care about wanting a special someone anymore. What gets me is that my family does not seem to accept me for who I am. Then I have family on my dad's side who does not either.

Yet I have other people on the spectrum who are my friends and I see them getting on just fine by their family. If anything they support them no matter what. That makes me angry and also breaks my heart.

This year is going to take an even bigger toll on me since I was rejected right after Christmas by someone who kept convincing that they loved me like a sister. They turned out to be a flip-switch person who seemed warm and fuzzy one minute by having me over for Christmas dinner and the next I was being snubbed by New Year's. Suddenly I was told that we were not a good fit for each other due to a conflict between us. I am confused. I understand if I did something wrong I wish that they or their spouse would have come forward with me about it. I mean that's not fair.


I look at the situation now, Christmas dinner seemed to be the "Kiss of Death." Not only that I was abandoned when I felt I needed them the most. I was looking for a job and having a hard time.

If it makes you feel any better, I've got a husband, and four kids, and a mother-in-law, and some living extended family that still speaks to me...

...and I'm still so damn lonely that I would really, really, really like Santa to bring me a massive, instantly fatal myocardial infarction for Christmas. The best thing I could possibly wake up to on Christmas morning would be, basically, NOT WAKING UP.

And, if you want to get right down to it, I can trace a lot of that feeling back to things that have been said and done by that wonderful man with the good job that I've had a story-book sixteen year relationship with. He told me again over Thanksgiving about how it's all my fault that he did all those things that kill me a little bit every day (right after he called me stupid, selfish, and lazy for ONLY bringing a pie and a cake as my contribution to dessert for 14).

So, you know, don't feel bad about being single and all that s**t. Because you can be married with a pack of kids, in a room full of people, and still be both desperately lonely and completely and totally alone.

Tell me all about being lonely over the holidays.

Growing up, one had to careful around mom. Most of the time, my brothers and I were walking on eggshells. The slightest infraction would trigger her temper. Once triggered, watch out for the physical abuse. She would beat you with whatever she had in her hands at the time, be it a wooden rolling pin, a dog leash, a curtain rod, a belt, a wire coat hanger, etc. Not only that, she would do it full sight of friends and family, both her's and dad's. In addition, she would administer one of the worst tongue lashings you would ever experience and tear down one's self esteem to zero. To tell you the truth, a lot of times I wish I were the family dog, since the dog got better treatment.

I also remember all the times she would grab each one of, put each of her heads in her lap, and commence to use a bobby pin to clean the ears. Each time she would grab some earwax, she would express her disgust very plainly on how dirty our ears were, and told how worthless we were for not meeting her standard of cleanliness. When wee were at the age when blackheads and acne started appearing, my brothers and I were at fault again for even having those blemishes. Again, out came the bobby pin, which was used again to express the blemishes, with the resulting degrading and demeaning dialogue.

Further, anything she or dad did not understand was deemed to be stupid, and was not allowed, in any way, shape, or form, in their house. Science fiction was totally verboten in any form. So was any kind of comedy show, like Monty Python, that they did not understand. When I first started showing an interest in classical music, they harassed the living daylights out of me for listening to it (although it was dad more than mom that did the harassing. The only thing I ever heard out of mom was "Turn that goddamned sh!t down, or I'm coming up and throwing out every f!cking thing you have related to that goddamned sh!t, and beat your f!cking ass until it bleeds." The only time she never complained was if I got the clarinet out to practice, or practice on the piano (that is, when they could get me to practice. What NT 9 year old, let alone a 9 year old undiagnosed ASD, kid likes to practice 2 hours a night, then do another 3 hours of homework before going to bed, 7 days a week?)

To sum it up, there were 2 sayins in the family mantra: 1) Money isn't everything, it's the ONLY thing, and 2)The only reason you're on this earth is to work your arse off for 20 hours a day, 365 days a year, without complaint. It doesn't matter how old you are, or if you're ill. Get off yer god dammed ass, and get to work. You keep working until you drop over dead. Once you drop over dead, get yer God dammed ass up, and start working!

Sounds like your mom was seriously tripped out on fear of judgment and self-criticism. I used to be like that (minus the beating part-- I never got farther than trashing the kids' asses with my hand multiple times a day over petty s**t).

My FIL was like that too. He had four kids. Only two of them called up often. One wouldn't speak to him at all, two had polite and superficial relationships over the phone, and we were the only ones that ever visited. So, of course, Hubby was the underachiever who was always compared unfavorably to his brother (bought more, better stuff by running up a metric ton of debt) and I was basically the Antichrist.

I hope they're both screaming eternally in the fires of Hell. Yours, not mine (though I have to admit it would please me to see FIL spend some time in Purgatory, and it won't be my prayers that get him out).