meh

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so the whole being worthless and wanting to die has not started to effect my sleep. which is the only time I can be free from this stupid life. hardly got much sleep last 3 days, kept waking up crying and rolling around.

doesn't seem most women are capable of love. if you have a bunch of stipulations such as status and money in order to love someone then you don't love them but the money and status they have. true love is about loving the person regardless of if they are rich or poor or have other problems.

want to die but don't, no way out no future but death, so part is like why wait years of pain and suffering why not just do it now. but then tiny bit of me is worried I regret it, which is stupid cause I'd be dead so not able to regret it. but atleast I'd be free.

no one else understands, family just gets upset cause due to all this my mind isn't functioning right anymore. I couldn't grocery shop cause I couldn't process what to buy and what I had already.

You are not worthless. Never ever ever say that you are. What kind of hobbies are you into? Try to make something out of that. You have a talent, don't believe otherwise.

Try to expand beyond women, who knows maybe there are men that you wind up loving more.

Yes we all die in the end but that's where we're going, what matters is how you got there. Did you enjoy the trip or was it the equivalent of being miserable the entire ride, that's on you only you can affect that. One of my favorite heroes once said "Move forward, you've got a good strong pair of legs you should get up and use them." I live my life around that quote, never give up no matter how hard it seems and you can make something of yourself no matter how hard it is.

Your family does care but they aren't trained medical professionals so they can't understand what it's like for you.

women think that I'm worthless cause I don't have a good paying job, as I want a gf/companion to be happy what they think matters a lot. I come to realise the reality is some people just aren't meant to be alive.

guns, video games, history, about sums up my current active hobbies. though really its just video games as its all I can afford to do. well that and watch netflix. I've sadly never had talent. everyone else seems to have something they are truly good at, but everything I do I am just ok at. not the worst video game player but I heck am not great at it. could make things out of wood but not any better than anyone else in shop class. which is fine. I for the most part enjoy my hobbies, they just can't fulfill my need to be held and feel safe. everyone says its easy to find love but I don't know where they live, because women here won't consider you unless you have a good enough job its so depressing. and its not like they are good catches if they were they wouldn't be on craigslist or okc.

I'm not into guys, though not like it'd help if I was not a lot of gay guys in my area so it would just reduce the numbers not to mention cause trauma in my family. either way I'm totally straight

lots of people can't choose how they live their life or if they get happy. I doubt more than 1/2 the worlds population derives happiness from themselves or we wouldn't have pc/tv/tablets/movies/etc. most people get happy from objects, people or activities. mine is from people as objects and activities only bring a temporary happiness that I can't afford to prolong. I've also ran out of things I want. I have all the objects I need/want.

I'll probably be unhappy the entire ride. I just can't be happy alone. I can keep distracted but one can only do that for so long then the nights come and I cry a lot every night or mornings or just about any time I'm not constantly doing something. which is hard to sustain as theres only so much to do and trying to always do something is overwhelming.

I just wish some woman could love someone for who they are not what they have or how much they make. friends and coworkers say I'm a great kind guy. who's fun to be around and makes them laugh. yet cause I don't have a ton of money I'm seen as worthless trash by women. women who if they gave me a shot might totally love having me around. but they so stuck in their picky perfect dream world. :'(

That was me a few months ago. I only felt happy when I was asleep and then I couldn't sleep
I feel a bit better now but I still haven't fully recovered.[/quote]

As far as I've observed, women are very much capable of love. It's just that they're all already in love with someone else.

But if you attempt suicide, you might live to regret it. Think how much regret you'd feel if you were paralyzed in a failed suicide attempt. You won't get a second try if you're a quadriplegic. Also you're odds of getting a girlfriend will be lowered drastically if you're bedridden for the rest of your life. And yet you'll still be conscious, you'll lie in that bed and stare at a TV set for the next 50 years and you'll now that it all came about by your own hand.

Did they tell you that? Did you hit on some woman and she said she wasn't into you because you were unemployed?

Anyway, since I got a well paying job I've had very little interest from women. It's not all about the job. There are Casanovas who are unemployed and there are professionals who can't get a girlfriend. It's not all about the job.

Who said that? I've never heard anyone say that.

Just remember you're not the only single guy in the world. It would be worse if you were the only single guy in the world but when you remember there are millions of us, it doesn't seem quite so bad.

Anyway, things are a bit harder for guys like us. Before you start comparing yourself to neurotypicals just think, if you had been born blind would you blame yourself for not being able to see?

This is the same exact hole that i'm in, nothing has any value because people are valued based on their merit, and the merit is something that WILL go away, therefor most love, in this world, is a mere illusion. I can't make any efforts for self-improvement because the rewards conferred through self-improvement was a lie to begin with.

But the place where we are at... we have a greater chance at finding real love than most successful people who tie their love to their merit, but this is pretty much looking for something that is so rare that it might as well not exist. Most people would happily engage in the illusion that their SO isn't loving them based on their own merit, society can offer that illusion to you if you are willing to work, climb the ladder, and constantly focus on self-improvement. But in the end, most people will end up right back where we are at. In this world we just have a few short years of performance before we're weak and frail again, thus it is wrong to love based on performance.

Of course, where we are at isn't a nice place, but it's a place everyone is eventually going to walk through, because all power will fade. This is something that king Solomon rhapsodized about in Ecclesiastes, the same sort of thing that made him also realize that everything was pointless, he eventually found that the only thing of real worth, was a life centered around god, because it's through him that we learn how to give unconditional love unto each other, because what faith does is grant the perspective of eternity unto a believer, and in eternity, power will have NO value whatsoever.

From my experience women fall in love way to easily and over much deeper things then money and status. They are incredibly soulful creatures with an acute awareness of the human condition and the interconnectedness of us all.

At the moment self-improvement is the only thing stopping me from going mad from self-loathing. Maybe self improvement is a lie I tell myself to keep myself sane. Or maybe that's a lie I tell myself to keep myself insane.

I don't feel it puts me in a good position. I feel it increases the likelihood I'll end up with someone I don't love for fear of being alone.

Oh crap I think I just waited a quarter of my high performance years.

some maybe most are just living fake love or are in love with money and status and tricking themselves to thinking they love the guy.

can just use a full proof way or bunch of them at the same time.

I've had a few. most just list it in their profiles/ad so they don't have to reject the guy, cause rejecting poor paid guys probably gets annoying after while >.> you know its just as bad as getting penis pictures. darn those poor guys thinking they can be loved. yeah but those guys are good socially and handsome and go to bars/parties. that or they lie. I'm sure if I lied I could get dates, but I don't have the money to lie that I'm well off nore am I able to lie much. so I bet ass****les who don't mind lying to women could get dates with them by telling them they have great jobs and taking them out to nice places, but eventually the woman finds out dumps them and then rants on their ad/profile. or facebook or twitter or tumblr etc.


people probably same people that say its easy to find work the line is pretty similar "just get out there and you're find <a girl> or <a job>"

actually it doesn't help at all. i don't get that logic. did knowing that 6million other jews would die make a jew in a camp fell better. or did it make them depressed and scared. guessing the 2nd one. just makes me realise how sh***y the world is knowing theres a bunch of other guys suffering out there. and makes me tired of hearing the women complain about not finding their perfect dream guy. reality check. if theres 100 women and only 5 perfect guys then guess what women you can't all get one. maybe you should look and say the other guys might not be rich and models but I could be just as happy with them.

maybe where you live. but the usa is ripe with entitlement women who think they are owed a perfect guy and accepting anything less would be the end of the world but hey maybe its just me and my not being ruined by the superficial society or maybe it's because I grew up poor and love of people around me was all I had so I don't much care about if a woman has a job/money, things, etc. also for the record looking at the guys proflies/ads they dont' care much either they only list things like shared interests, being athletic like them etc.

I just can't understand why women are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo focused on wealth. it really shouldn't matter much. especially if you are a divorced mother of 4 children. seems like they are already facing less men. most men don't really want to deal with ex husbands and kids. hate to say it but it's true. sure its similar for women with divorced dads with kids.
then theres the women who work at a burger king at age 30 and are fat, yet demand a guy that makes good money and is athletic. like wtf. talk about a hypocrite.

tired of beating myself up over this, doesn't seem right that I have to feel bad when they the ones doing wrong. prejudging people before you even talk to them is wrong so assuming that a person with a job is great guy while a person without one is a horrible douchbag is stupid. I know people with jobs who are douchebags and mooch off of people. I know people like me who don't have jobs who don't mooch off of people even when they offer it.

so assuming that anyone that doesn't make $19 up is just a mooch is so stupid. has nothing to do with having a job or money. moochers are moochers regardless of job or not same with if someone is a as*hole
JOBS DO NOT REPRESENT PERSONALITY
plenty of cops/military are as*holes yet it's assumed that all cops/military are wonderful guys doing it out of their kindness. I just don't' get the whole job represents who a person is inside. or that rich people are all nice kind people while poor people are are horrible people.

I've know way more rich horrible people than poor. lots of rich people do bad things they think the only way to succeed is by doing bad things. they flat out say this.

sorry for the rant I'm just sick of it and having no one to talk to. I can't tell my therapist any of this s**t. not that he'd understand.

at this point I'd take that or ending up in a abusive relationship. its all I'm worth anyways. and at least I'd get held sometimes.

I hear you. Things are pretty damn painful right now and you are hurting. Get some rest if you can. Exhaustion will only make things worse. You sound like you need a good massage, a good cry, and a good sleep Sly...

No that can't be right. I know poor guys who have girlfriends. I even know poor ugly uncharismatic guys who have girlfriends. I don't know what they did to get them. I'm pretty sure they didn't use dating sites. I've done the same thing myself but I never got a second date from those things.

I don't know any poor guys who have hot girlfriends. Maybe such girls just ended up with guys who accepted them. Sure, it's hard for you being a poor guy but it's hard for not-hot girls. Even poor guys think they're not hot. It can be hard for shy guys to work up the courage to ask a girl out but imagine yourself in the girls roll. Imagine you really want to be asked out but you don't have direct control over it because you're waiting for a guy to ask you out.

It's hard for shy guys but they still have some degree of control over the situation. They don't have to wait to be asked out. As for being judged on wealth or looks? I know you can't just bootstrap yourself into wealth but it's still more controllable than looks.

Anyway, if these poor uncharismatic guys end up with not-hot girls maybe that's because men and women exist in roughly equal numbers so after all the most desirable ones have paired up with each other the more average ones pair up with each other.

I'm sure everyone who survived a suicide attempt thought their method was foolproof.

Online dating is kind of overrated. Girls can afford to be more picky online than in meatspace. Do your friends make fun of you for being poor? No? Well what if you made friends with a girl (not for too long though, you don't want to be friendzoned). Then after you asked her out she'd judge you for the real you and not your wealth.

Anyway, I just got a new job, I updated my profile to reflect this and I still get rejected by girls. I'm starting to think I'd be better off talking to girls in meatspace.

But I know what you're saying. Those girls online all have great jobs and grad degrees even though they're younger than me. The college girls all say they have jobs as well. If I tried to study and work at the same time I'd pass out from fatigue. And some of them say they want well-off guys. They don't always say it directly. Sometimes they say they want a guy with drive or ambition or that they want a guy as driven to success as they are.

Reading those profiles in part contributed to my depression last year. And yet they were also what inspired me to get quit my job and get a higher paying job. I guess everything has pros and cons.

Hmmm. It worked for me. I wouldn't mind being unemployed if no one worked. I wouldn't mind being single if everyone was single. My depression was caused mainly by envy and comparing myself to people. It helped me to remember that I wasn't the only single guy in the world and I wasn't the only underemployed guy in the world. I had to keep reminding myself that. It made me feel like less of a freak. Lately envy has been the prime motivator in my life. I got a better job because other people had a better job and I wanted to keep up with the Joneses. Maybe you're less shallow than me.

Hmmm. By that logic maybe I should be less judgmental about imperfect girls. I've got a bit more money than I did before but I'm still not that rich. $28 an hour doesn't make me Rockefeller. Do hot girls represent only 5% of the female twentyager population? I don't know but based on the ones I see on the train they're more 50%.

That's good. That's healthy. When I feel bad I always blame myself even if it isn't really my fault but if you can blame someone else it's less depressing.

Nothing I've ever experienced was more depressing than sitting is a well of self-loathing while thinking over and over again "it's all my fault".

He reminds me of my therapist. She's kind of dismissive about my problems. Maybe she thinks if she can trick me into thinking my problems are smaller I won't be depressed.

It's not that women want men with good jobs or money, it doesn't matter what your current situation is really. It's that they want men with goals, men chasing dreams, men who want something from life. I've never had good jobs or made a lot of money when i was dating any of my girlfriends. I lived at my parents, lived with my brother, or rented out a single room. I had nothing but lots of computer tech and gadgets to show. I have never bought past girlfriends jewelry, flowers, gifts, you know material things. Not because i couldn't afford it but because all that stuff doesn't matter and your giving away your self respect by putting her at a higher value. Women are not clueless, most of these stereotypes are made up to place the blame on someone else but ourselfs. Show off your integrity, independence, self respect, show you hold yourself at high value and women will want that.

As people on the spectrum, independent thinking is an attractive quality.

Hmmm. I recently got a new job. Does that mean if I don't try to get a better job I will be considered by girls to not be chasing a goal?

The goal can be anything, self improvement, talents, knowledge. I have had deep discussions with my partners about the dynamics of relationships and they basically say the same thing. They want a MAN, ambition, confidence, self respect, (Key words) they want you to take control and lead. They don't want nice smiley men who try to impress them with shiny things and flattery. They want a real person who treats them as they would any other person. Being "Nice" does not entitle you to women (It's deception and desperation among other things). Men should hold your cards close around women, almost as if they are a threat themselves (They are a stranger after all)

All of this will come naturally when you embrace your inner manliness. It's almost like an instinct and you just have to find it. They rest just falls into place.

No problem. I've grown used to feigning confidence and on good days I can even feign self-respect.

I rarely compliment women because I can't usually do it without making it sound creepy.

I don't mind being the leader but it makes it hard for me to figure out what she wants. Anyway, next time I'll remember not to walk on eggshells as much.

I should probably think of a new goal now that I've gotten that job I wanted.