I Don't Know What To Do
09 Dec 2014, 1:03 pm
I don't know if this belongs here, but if it doesn't, feel free to delete it or move it. I'm kind of in an internal crisis. I used to enjoy writing fan fiction for my favorite shows. But as of September, I don't enjoy it anymore.
It all started when I began getting complaints about my fan fic being ableist and offensive. But even though I asked people to tell me what was wrong, they either didn't or they did but didn't suggest anything to make it better. I did change some things, but the complaints continued. But then things exploded when I included a scene of implied rape and victim shaming, and made sure it got called out in universe by my good characters. Now, I don't need to tell you that rape and victim shaming are horrible things. Anyone who tries to tell me that rape and victim shaming is funny is a horrible person. But apparently, my putting it in made someone have an episode, and someone left a scathing review of it just for having it in there. I got angry and yelled at said person for making a big deal out of it and claiming I'm a bad person just for putting it in. Now, this was on Tumblr, and I don't use it much, so I didn't know ANYTHING about trigger warnings or triggers at the time.
But then someone I admired, an author of one of my favorite fan fics, saw my response and went on a long rant about how I'm a bad person who doesn't care about anyone but myself and have no empathy for the people I hurt. And somehow, she and the other person interpreted my standing up for myself as victim blaming! I have NO idea where they came to that conclusion! I was only trying to stand up for myself and call out their hypocrisy, yet they turn the situation on me and make me out to be some kind of heartless victim blaming ableist hypocrite who goes around hurting people. I mean, just because someone put unsavory elements in something doesn't make the writer a bad person, does it? The sad thing is, I can't even call them out on it because I know they're going to twist my words and not admit to their own lack of action and to their own errors in the situation. They could have reached out to me but instead they made untrue judgments about me.
Now, to be fair, I did react in a reckless way, and I did hurt someone with my writing. That, I admit to. I tracked down the person I triggered and apologized, so we've made our peace with each other. But it just makes me sad that I'm being persecuted by people who know nothing about me just because I happened to put unsavory elements in a fan fic. They kept on claiming that I absolutely HAD to put in triggers, and didn't listen when I told them I never knew about triggers and that I never knew someone could be triggered by reading scenes on a fan fic. I just...I don't enjoy writing anymore. I know this sounds stupid, and you all don't deserve to put up with my whining. But I just don't know what to do. I want to write fan fiction and enjoy it, and I know I shouldn't let this stuff bother me, but it does now, and my internal crisis hasn't gone away.
