In need of some reassurance

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I wanted to talk to some of the people on here that are in their later 20s or early 30s (40s maybe?). I just turned 21 last October. I was diagnosed with AS when I was 8, but I no longer see myself as being disabled. I have a great job that is part time and seasonal, working with people that have similar struggles to what I have had in the past. I also have great gifts and abilities (a friend of mine even said I had "superpowers" once). My biggest struggles right now are intense anxiety (whether performance, or social) and depression related to fear of failure in general. I also struggle with a somewhat fragile sense of identity (namely I'm hyper-aware of types of situations and emotions that others feel, while feeling like I myself don't necessarily matter). I am NOT suicidal, nor have I ever injured myself intentionally. I generally look forward to what lies ahead for me and living a prosperous and healthy life. I just am asking for some advice and shared experiences.

I have been off of school for about 4 weeks (I am a junior in college). However, I'm ready to go back, and I don't for 2 weeks. I am sick of being at home and being in my hometown, which makes me feel bad now because my dad is being treated for neck cancer (it is not fatal, but my family needs tons of help while he is in radiation treatment). I come from an affluent family and my hometown is predominantly white, and more and more people are retiring here, all the while the cost of living is going up. It's as if this place is becoming more and more uppity and self-entitled by the minute!

I also get this itching feeling that my mom has this problem of being manipulative (not in a bad way as in borrowing money and not paying back, but being a helicopter parent and making other people feel guilty for not wanting to do something that she wants to do). I know she just needs help, and so does my dad, so I try to tell myself that this feeling must be tolerated because I love my parents very much despite increasing value differences.

I am very excited to return to school at the beginning of January. I am a music major that plays jazz trombone (also currently listening to John Coltrane's version of "My Favorite Things" on the Afro-Blue Impressions live album). I also have perfect pitch and can do impressions of other people and situations with ease. It makes for good conversations with the [sometimes] scary NTs my age... I feel a lot more confident in myself now, too. I have been exercising more intensely on my own and can run a lot faster than I did in high school (and I ran track back then). I also do not abuse drugs or alcohol (though I have abused pot in the past to the point of being numb and paranoid; but I'm doing well at keeping it at bay now).

The issue with school, though, is there are a number of things causing negative drama as well. I have a good friend who I'm having second thoughts about being in a "best friend" status with. He has been manipulative in a negative way, borrowing money constantly, being overly impulsive with drugs and girls, and having an extremely inconsistent personality and thought pattern. However, he did get a possession charge for pot paraphernalia over the summer, so I'm assuming he is serving out his sentence of drug classes, drug testing, and fines by now. I'm hoping the lack of a drug problem when we come back will allow me to keep his other personality flaws at bay (he and I do share similar values and interests).

I also almost did not pass an exam this last trimester and I have another exam to prepare for this spring (junior recital). So I'm a bit frightened anticipating the performance anxiety associated with working toward that. I was prescribed a beta blocker (propranolol) for the last exam and it remains a PRN (as needed) prescription for me.

I wanted to ask older people here about some of the more positive ways you guys have coped with a fragile sense of identity, anxiety, and drama at this age. I know I'm probably one of the more NT-leaning aspies on this forum, but it would be great to hear from someone nonetheless. I currently cope by listening to music, and song lyrics- often trying to decipher what message they are conveying. I also enjoy movies that are a bit off the wall- some favorites are Forrest Gump, Benjamin Button, and The Fountain- all movies that deal with coping in life as well as issues with reality. I also just got done watching "Mr Nobody" this evening and enjoyed it very much, but found it very predictable at times.

So I am now asking for responses!

a book that helped me with my self-esteem is mckay and fanning et al's "the self-esteem companion".