How to get rid of a crush??

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Zajie
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30 Apr 2015, 7:00 am

I'm having a crush over someone from long ago and I still get it from time to time, this time when it returned it made me very depressed and sad because I know I can't even do anything about it; this crush doesn't even know me well and I don't think was ever really attracted to me and we also live very far from each other and have no contact, just only not long ago I found this person on social media and from it our personalities seem to be different so I don't know how to get over it, it's been too long
What should I do??? This doesn't let me concentrate on anything those days so I want to get rid of it but I don't know how to



RoseDuste
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01 May 2015, 10:33 pm

You didn't follow them on social media, did you? If you did, delete them. You can't get over them if you keep seeing what they're up to. Similarly, if you have them listed in Skype, or anything else, delete it. You don't even want to see their name, because every time you do, it will remind you of them.

You need to be very frank with yourself and say, "Listen, this person never liked me. It was and never is going to happen. Nevermind."
You need to not care. Tell yourself you don't care. Say, "Oh well. Cest la vie." If they come into your mind, shrug it off and think about something else. Do not dwell over it, or it will continue to circle around your brain, making you think "This is important." When it isn't. It doesn't matter. It's from the past. You've moved on.



i_wanna_blue
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02 May 2015, 4:37 pm

Don't worry about it. If their feelings aren't reciprocated, your feelings will disappear in time. Just as the above poster said, don't follow this person on social media though. Given that you're young, in time you'll find someone else to focus on and your feelings for this person will be gone. You just have to be patient.



B19
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02 May 2015, 5:43 pm

Distract yourself by getting absorbed by something else. Take a course, get into a new hobby, get a new pet, join a meet-up group or write an article about your special interest.. do something different from your present pattern and all of this starts to build new neural patterns and pathways.

Crushes usually run their course in time without doing anything though. It may take a while sometimes.

A behavioural technique called "thought-stopping" advocates wearing a rubber band on your wrist and 'snapping it' every time your thoughts turn to the crush. I detest behaviourism though if it works and you like the idea then why not..



Iamaparakeet
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05 May 2015, 12:47 pm

Zajie wrote:
I'm having a crush over someone from long ago and I still get it from time to time, this time when it returned it made me very depressed and sad because I know I can't even do anything about it; this crush doesn't even know me well and I don't think was ever really attracted to me and we also live very far from each other and have no contact, just only not long ago I found this person on social media and from it our personalities seem to be different so I don't know how to get over it, it's been too long
What should I do??? This doesn't let me concentrate on anything those days so I want to get rid of it but I don't know how to


Infatuation is the most annoying emotion. I can only say I feel sorry for you. Try to distract yourself and don't let them know about it because they will take it the wrong way most likely - even if you're just being honest they'll think you'll want more than just freedom of speech and if you're with someone else don't ever let them know (because even if they say they don't mind, you're just going to make them jealous and hurt their feelings.) Perhaps play video games or if you're already involved with someone who loves you hang out with them as much as possible and do your best to enjoy their company instead of thinking about someone who is apathetic towards you.


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Jacoby
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05 May 2015, 2:15 pm

Eventually it goes away, you'll move on and be interested in someone else.



Andrejake
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06 May 2015, 7:03 am

I've only had two crushes during my entire life and what the posters above said was what worked for me to get over it.
Take your special interests and do something new related to them. See if there is anything that you changed on your routines because of this person and change it back (or change to a new one). Try to do not spend too much time alone just doing nothing, because you surely will start to remember and think about it.
I remember that on my last crush every time that I was at home and started to feel depressed because of the person I would watch a The Big Bang Theory/Game of Thrones episode or play a game and it worked wonderfully to make me stop thinking about it.



Hoggy
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06 May 2015, 1:27 pm

Just takes time. If you've got a lot of free time by yourself and you end up keep thinking about that person, find a new hobby.

What i did is start to play the guitar and I joined the gym, things like that were i could see the progress week by week. I still play the guitar to this day, its been great showing friends you know at partys etc. I did stop going to the gym but ive got equipment at my house now. (Door gym, Barbell, Dumbells) So i also have a better body now.

If you do end up thinking about that person you need to try teach yourself to think about something else every-time it happens. You cant think about multiple things at the exact same time, like i cant think about what im writing now, this new song i want to learn, what food i want etc. But you can quickly flick between them.

So when you think about this person, force yourself to switch to a different thought, doesn't matter what it is. Just try not to let yourself be thinking about this person for hours on end. Thats the only advice i have sorry.



Kiriae
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06 May 2015, 2:39 pm

I am in similar situation except my crush(over 5 years already) is still my friend and we see each other a few times a year. And my feelings don't make me depressed. They make me feel good. They are a prove I am capable of loving and they make me know how being in love feels like. And it is really positive feeling(it hurts only when it isn't fulfilled). I want to feel it.

I consider my unfulfilled relationship with that friend something like a fairly tale - it's nice to think of, imagine and wish for but it isn't real and will never be real(I confessed and got refused 3 years ago). I could probably just read a romance book instead and get the same result. The feelings I have when I think about this friend make me feel motivated to look for a real love, for someone who I will be allowed to love and who will love me back.
I am not stuck in an unfulfilled dream. The dream just reminds me about why I shouldn't give up in my love searching.

Maybe you should do the same? Use your feelings as a motivator to find a real relationship with someone else. Your crush is just like a fairy tale, romance book. You wouldn't be able to have a real relationships with character of a story, would you? You experienced feelings of love because of the crush you have but the love wasn't meant for you. If you want to feel it for real you should look around and find someone compatible with you. Don't be stuck with the impossible love. You can experience the same feelings with someone who loves you back. Just keep looking. You will find someone, eventually.



Andrejake
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06 May 2015, 9:24 pm

I love your posts Kiriae!!
The way that you chose to see your situation is very interesting!



Zajie
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07 May 2015, 6:08 pm

Thanks so much for everyone who replied, the replies were helpful. I think I might watch anime or play a video game or draw so that I would get out of this mood and forget about it, I realize that this crush doesn't really mean anything significant and that it's a phase or something similar only, I actually started to dislike this crush now too.
:D