I'm in isolation, lonely and it's killing me.

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My mom says I do this every month on and around the full moon. I never paid much mind to it but maybe there is something to it.

I've lived alone -without any pets in a large empty house which made it even worse- so I know how bad it can get. Loneliness can be absolutely soul-crushing, it can sap everything you have. I suspect its something even normal people suffer from as badly as we do, but of course things like Autism, Anxiety & Depression can make it even worse.

I hope you can find a way to hang in there. Being stuck in a rut is even more gratifying when you have Autism. Embracing change is practically impossible, and that's why being in a situation you hate with someone you loathe -yourself- feels especially painful, you become literally incapable of seeing a way out.

I'm not going to pour honeyed words in your ear because I've had plenty of that from others over the course of my life and its often done very little to help, but it does feel nice to be encouraged and just because you might have Autism and conveying your feelings is almost impossible does not make you completely unreceptive to the warm feelings of others, or immune to the basic human need for them. But over the years when people have said crap to me like "there's always a way" its probably helped a lot less than they hoped it might, and people often say things like that as an excuse not to listen -REALLY listen- to your problems or bother burdening their brains with assembling the particulars of your situation. Then again I can be pretty f****** lazy myself so I'm not one to talk.

My advice is start with a new hobby. Discovering one or picking up an old one you haven't touched in years can fire your imagination and give you a spark. Sometimes that can kickstart things in a positive direction. Momentum is huge in life, I truly believe that. If only creating it was as easy as believing.

Or if you cant think of a way forward trying moving sideways. Remember if you move forward you'll just be moving forward in that same old rut anyway. That is starting to sound horribly like that motivational crap I mentioned earlier so I promise no more metaphors, but yeah if you feel like your dog is your only friend in the world how about buying another? Dogs are like us, they have a need for companionship from their own kind and are pack animals. You'll be able to watch him or her interacting with his new brother or sister and in a way you'll be creating your own little family.

I wish there was more I could tell you. Being alone and without hope is a vicious form of brutality. When you have Autism you feel even more powerless to change it. Tiny changes, inching your life closer to something different is the way to go I think, but I'm not out of the woods myself yet so I can't my situation as evidence to back up my advice. Really though, would it make any difference if I could? Bottom line is it comes down to you and what you want for yourself. Hey at least you've found the courage to speak up and share your feelings with others, I've often found that to be the hardest step.

I too found counseling and most professional practitioners to be of little help.

I got immediate, noticeable results with Inner Influencing.

Just listening to the audios where Jeff leads listeners through the process, I could feel energy shifting in my body for the better.

If it were me, I'd go to the website now. If you feel absolutely nothing beneficial from it, I'd be interested to know, and I'll back off from recommending it so heartily. Fortunately for people who were like me when I started it, there's no effort involved at the beginning, just listen and follow.

Same with QuantumK, but I found that after II.

Thank you folks. I really appreciate your posts.

It has taken awhile for the loneliness to get to me, but after over 4 years I think I'm finally breaking.
There's a lot of other things on my plate as well that may be contributing to my downfall but all I really have to communicate with others are sites like these.
Feel like I've missed out on an awful lot.. Wasting my teens years is something I don't think I'll get over..
Also it's much harder to find people to connect to at this age, I feel like it's futile to even try.. everyone has their cliques and whatnot by now.

I understand what you describe. I've been there myself. I'm only just getting out of my doldrums. It's lasted 6 years. And I understand on what's happened with your interest in music. It's part of the whole problem but it hurts. I don't think there is a secret that can help you recover in a day or even a week. The best thing that can happen to you is to bump into someone who also gets it but who can help you day to day. That's what's happened to me. And so I wish, hope, pray for you to find this friend to help you

Mod edit: Topic moved to Haven since topic does not directly relate to GAD forum and Haven is better suited for original post.