In-law issues

Post Reply New Topic

I need some advice on dealing with my fiancé's aunt, she has been making my life h*** at family gatherings.

This particular person is very close to my fiancé and she has made it clear over a series of different family gatherings that she does not like me. At Thanksgiving dinner she attacked me for liking dogs more than cats and ranted about how cats were better for half an hour. This past weekend, she attacked my fiancé because she heard that he was giving away his cat as I have moved in with him and have been serious allergy issues because of the cat. She told him that it was irresponsible to give the cat away, even knowing about the health issues I have had.

I feel like I can't be around her without her saying something nasty to me. She has gotten even worse since my fiancé and I said we were getting married.

What should I do? I am always polite to her (my fiancé and several others agree). Should I just wait it out and see if it gets better with time?

just ignore the negativity. Don't let it get to you.

there are multiple path you can take(i cant guarante if any of them at all will help in this case):
you can try to ignore it (in the long run probably the hardest path),
you can talk to the rest of your fiance's family if they are willing to give her a little rebuttal if she talks bad about you(depends on how they are behaving right now, do they ignore what she says? are they maybe even encouraging her? if any of these questions gets a yes, it maybe the worst way to take),
you can also directly talk to her and tell her that she doesnt have to like you, but you will not accept that she hurts your fiance through this(could work, i am quite unsure about it in this case)

i cant think of anything else right now, but you should talk about the path you want to take with your fiance, before you do any of these things.

hopefully this helps you a bit.

Dealing with family is very dicey. Basically methods boil down to avoid or confront, which is your basic fight or flight, and the all time favorite, ignore. Talk with your fiance first and let him know how much this is bothering you, see what he recommends. Let him know that you can't just ignore it anymore and something needs to happen.
It is important to note that confrontation shouldn't be adversarial, (did that make sense? at least initially.) I mean sometimes just getting to know the person and doing some fun activities together can help you both understand each other better and possibly you can be friends. Candidly ask for her advice over something (you consider) trivial and then take it. It's hard for someone to dislike someone who does that. Go to her needing help with something (ideally) minor. This one can be very delicate so consult with your fiance first. If the aunt sees that you are respecting her position as 'favored' aunt, then it will be easier for her to accept your new position in the family. Even if you decide you don't like her much yourself, at least then you'll have a better understanding of why she acts the way she does and be in a better position to call her out on her behavior if necessary. So it is always a good first step to attempt to make friends.
Beyond that, dealing with family is often a mess, just keep doing the best you can and try not to burn any bridges, (by that I mean ideally you not let whatever happens with the aunt destroy your relationship with anyone else.)
Good luck and stay safe.

thank you for the advice everyone I really appreciate it. I'll definitely consider a lot of these.