Help I'm so useless in the working world

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I feel like I'm no good for anything. The thought of looking for a new job causes distress, and nobody seems to understand.

I'm stuck somewhere I hate, and I want to get out, move in with my boyfriend and work somewhere nearer to him.

But I don't know how or where to start looking for jobs. I've tried various job sites but nearly all jobs that come up all want "excellent people skills", even if it's not anything to do with dealing with the public.

I get easily stressed, have social anxiety, difficulties with preparation, poor memory, slow at learning anything, lack confidence...what jobs are suitable for someone like me?

It's rather scary if you ask me. There's no help anywhere. I wish there was someone I can just talk to about this and ask for advice on what I should do. I don't want anyone to get deeply involved because I can do interviews and stuff myself, and having someone come with me to an interview makes me look more disabled, and I don't consider myself disabled at all. All I need is understanding.

But society doesn't care. I'm so stupid and useless. I hate work. Wish I could win the lottery, but never do. Why was I ever put on this Earth inflicted with all these social anxiety issues? Why can't I be normal and confident? Why ain't there no support?

A job in receiving might be good because doesn't require a lot of people skills. That's what I do and I don't really have to work with the public that much. You could also try to find some kind of position in data entry or something like that.

Good suggestion by slw1990 in my opinion.

For starters, remember that you do have support and understanding here on WP. I can't tell you why you have social anxiety issues, because I do too and used to ask myself the same thing. I'm sure being in a job you hate wouldn't be helping though. The only other job that I can think of at the moment would be cleaning. I know it's probably not really something you'd want to be doing in the long run but it's just an idea!

I feel like I am in a similar position to you at the moment. I find that being young and relatively inexperienced in the work field limits us to those ill-fitting-for-an-aspie (often retail) jobs that require 'excellent people skills'. It's tough. But I notice with most jobs, they usually do mention that good people skills are required - it's kind of there by default and may not always be the determining factor in getting a job. So I'd suggest that you just keep on applying and demonstrating your strengths to potential employers. What are some of your strengths? Attention to detail, punctuality, reliability perhaps? I know it's hard to do that until you've made it through the interview stage, but with more experience with interviews, you might gradually start to find them easier (i.e. getting used to the sort of questions they ask and 'rehearsing' your answers, in a way).

Handing in your application in person may also be a good idea because not all places advertise online. Maybe go with your boyfriend or a friend and drop some resumes off to places where you think you might like to work.

You're certainly not useless or stupid - I don't believe anyone is. We all just have natural weaknesses. I know socialising is quite a broad thing to not naturally be good at, and I know what it's like. But we can learn to compensate. You probably see yourself as stupid and useless in the context of a job that doesn't play to your strengths - I certainly feel like the idiot of my workplace! But I know that I am not inherently stupid, rather, my strengths just lie elsewhere.

Are you studying anything at the moment? Studying something you're passionate about could certainly lead to more appealing job prospects for you in the future. Just another thought.

I hope what I said made sense and could be of some help to you.

(I often fantasise about winning the lottery too. Then I realise I have to buy a ticket first if I'm to have any chance at winning! )

Thank you for the replies. I've wrote a good reply back, but the internet in my house is being obstinate, so I pasted it on wordpad for safe-keeping and will post it next time I have time to myself on my computer, when the internet router has recovered from it's episode.

It's worse if you're old and inexperienced.

Hi! I've slogged it out in the food service industry for almost two years, and I'm working on re-entering it. I have a lot of the same issues with apprehension, but we have to stay level and keep moving forward even in the face of anxiety.

Interviews really suck, but you can also take advantage of hiring agencies and all the tools out there for folks like us. In America, we have fair labor laws that prevent employers from discriminating against people with things like autism, and actually require of them in certain situations to give reasonable accommodation. In your case, it sounds like what you need is a little patience. Hopefully there are similar laws in the UK that you can use to your advantage in tackling your social anxiety, but you'll need to do research to see what's available to you. Is there a way your boyfriend can help and support you in your job hunt? Don't be afraid to reach out for support!

Once you start, I have a few pieces of advice for you. I have diagnosed aspergers and ADHD, so I've always been really anxious about my performance in relation to NTs. In the end, my performance anxiety paid off! I picked up a lot of things because of it, and I've had a lot of compliments about how I work.

1. The biggest thing is to stay busy! One of the best ways for me to avoid anxiety is just not to give it any room to stick around. When you actively seek out work to do and complete things that need to be done, people will notice. If you work in customer service, even customers notice and appreciate your effort sometimes.

2. Always prioritize, too. It's not enough just to stay busy. As you get to learn all of your duties, try and keep a mental map of your space and responsibilities within it. Make sure you communicate with your bosses as to how they expect you to prioritize your work. People really respect diligence.

3. Your coworkers are really important! The difference between a miserable job and a fun job for me is the people working there, they really make a difference. I think if you're a genuine, hard working person and you put out the effort to talk to them, most people will like you. And all I've learned about working, I've learned from co-workers that are role models to me. Find the people who are serious about the job and who like to teach. A lot of folks don't take low end jobs seriously, so those that do will be thrilled to find somebody else who does.

4. Your anxiety doesn't have to carry over from day to day. Remember, each day is it's own whole experience. When you get home and have a chance to relax, try and reset yourself and not let the stresses carry over from yesterday. Practice self love, spend time with your boyfriend, and get good sleep. Each day is a new one. It's a new chance to tackle the problems that make life harder and prove yourself, to yourself and others.

I was thinking along that line and have been checking online to see if there are any like that about, but I've had no such luck. There are office-type jobs, but there are essentials listed that wouldn't suit me, and again, being able to deal with complicated situations with customers over the phone. A lot of people say I can't be choosey, but when your job field is limited because of anxieties, social and attention deficits, and other afflicting traits, it's that much harder and you can't just pick anything.




I'm currently doing cleaning at a care home. I don't find cleaning jobs stressful as such, but the fact that it's at a care home. I don't really like care homes. There are too many health and safety rules and regulations that are very specific because understandably they are required when working in a care home because vulnerable people live there, each room is someone's ''home'' and contains their personal belongings, and everything's got to be spic and span and completely dust and germ-free, and you have to be careful not to leave your cleaner's trolley unattended anywhere, which is sometimes difficult. But there are more than that what I can't always handle. Lot's of little things, but as they say, it's often the little things that build up and make it more unpleaseant than one or two more significant things. I do know that most work places do have a few flaws, but some are more stressful than others.




I do know that, but also I get anxious when seeing ''excellent people skills required'', because I never know if this particular job advertisement means it seriously or not. I don't want to attend an interview and be asked how good I am at dealing with the public, and having to say ''um...well...I have social phobia, anxiety issues, extremely shy and nervous, and was diagnosed with an ASD some years ago...'' I'm going to feel silly, but I have not got the guts to just say ''yes, I'm up for that!'' and then they take me on and find I'm completely out of my depth with talking to the public, all because I ignored the ''excellent people skills'' point when I was applying for a job.
With anxiety, these little things become very daunting, and I find myself overanalyzing, trying to be one step ahead from failure, and preparing for the worst.





I haven't got very good attention to detail, but I am reliable and punctual. Also I am very self-sufficient; once I know what to do and feel confident, I like to just get on with it without being watched or inflicted with complicated rules on how to do it their way, when my way is just as effective. I know in my head what I'm doing, even if it looks like I'm not doing it properly to the boss. Like sometimes I do stuff out of order, like at the care home I clean the dirtiest rooms first because I feel more relaxed when they are done and out of the way, but I'm often told to do the rooms in ascending order, like start with room number one, then room number two, etc. I don't like that way. I'd rather my way, and wish I could be left alone to do it how I want and how I feel more comfortable.

Also, I may be extremely poor at dealing with the public or being in some other authority position, BUT I don't do too badly with interacting with colleagues at all. I am able to work as a team and co-operate with co-workers, and I usually get on with everybody. If I need to ask a co-worker something, I do without any issues. I don't find that difficult at all. Also I enjoy getting to know my colleagues, and I always sit with them at lunchtime. So I am not a ''loner'' at work. I hope that partially comes under ''people skills'' too?




Handing in an application is not as daunting as going in somewhere and asking if they have any vacancies. Often I have been humiliated by doing this, by getting old-fashioned looks and being told ''if we had any vacancies we would advertise them on the window!'', in a tone of voice which means ''what a stupid question, stop wasting our time!!''




You are right, and you made me feel better. I was having an anxiety attack the other night when I was posting the OP. Everything suddenly all got to me and I was worrying about what's going to happen to me in the foreseeable future, job-wise. My boyfriend has got me an application for the bus company he works for, for me to clean the buses at the depot. That sounds quite good for me, because it doesn't require dealing with the public of any sort, the buses aren't anyone's personal property so there will be less silly rules, and he said that the job isn't too demanding, you're just left to get on with it. But at the moment there are no vacancies there (but I did hand an application in anyway), and nobody seems to be leaving yet. But I can't sit around waiting for that, although there is a good chance of me getting that because I'm my boyfriend's girlfriend and I've already met the boss. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that.




I love writing stories, but I'm often told that to become a writer you have to be really confident and also very lucky, and I don't think I'm that good. It's more like a hobby.
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I hope what I said made sense and could be of some help to you.




I think most people do. But for me, it would solve a lot of my anxieties, because anxiety seems to hit me hardest when it comes to work.

I ignore all cliche advice like ''you can't be this picky, you have to just get on with it and not let things make you anxious, it's just part of life''. No. Anxiety is not something I can just ignore or switch on and off. Anxiety and depression are two existing conditions, perhaps even illnesses, that get so misunderstood in this society that I can't blame people for committing suicide. Why can't people just ask somebody with no legs to ''grow legs''? Or ask a blind person to ''just see''? I am on meds for anxiety, which do help me, but I'm always going to be anxious. I can't help it. I don't want to be. But I am.

I wouldn't let some of the "qualifications" employers list get in your way. Any position you think you qualify for, just apply! You never know what doors could open.

Okay, it's good that you might have at least some idea of what types of jobs suit you. I can understand why working in a care home would be stressful. But as long as you’re reliable and following the regulations as best you can, I'm sure they'd appreciate you as an employee. But yeah, if you've stuck at it for a while and still find this job too stressful then perhaps it is time to move on (which is obviously what you’re trying to do!).



I get what you’re saying there. I guess you could either only go for jobs that you know won’t require a great amount of dealing with the public, or, (forgive me if this is stupid advice) just bite the bullet and go for a few of those ‘excellent people skills’ jobs and see how you go. Let’s say you get a job that ends up being completely unsuitable, and makes you feel completely out of your depth. Sure, it will be hell on earth for the time you spend there, and you will probably feel humiliated (not that there should be any reason to), but you don’t have to be stuck in that job. You can quit knowing you had a go. As for any fears of being fired, well, I can’t imagine that would happen before you’ve already gained some idea of whether the job is for you or not (in which case, you can leave before they have a chance to fire you). I can’t even imagine they would in the first place, unless they’re really mean!

I’m not sure what to say about the interview questions regarding dealing with the public – I’ve not had much experience with interviews, nor am I that good at them. . I’m a person who values honesty and candour, but it’s a perplexing situation when it comes to getting employed. You don’t want to give them a false impression of how skilled you are with interacting with people, but you also can’t say that you’re ‘shocking with people’ because they likely won’t hire you! Perhaps try to find a middle ground by being honest but also playing up your strengths. You could mention something like being a quick learner, for example (that’s if you are!).



They are very desirable qualities in a worker. Reliability and punctuality both show that you take the job seriously and respect it. Being able to work as part of a team as well as being self-sufficient is also a very good thing, so take pride in that. As for doing things your own way, you could always just ask your boss respectfully if you can do your tasks a certain way, and explain why. If you get the job done to high standard then they may be fine with that. Of course, it depends on the situation and the kind of rapport you have with your boss. There will be times in jobs, though, that you will have to comply with what authority would prefer (which I’m sure you already know). That’s just a part of being an employee and something we all have to deal with.



I understand you feeling humiliated by this, given the social anxiety and all. I know the feeling. But could I just ask you to ask yourself: why should you actually be humiliated by this? If those people gave you attitude and made you feel stupid for asking about vacancies, then that’s they’re problem and, in a way, ignorance. Asking for vacancies in person is perfectly legitimate because like I said earlier, some places will still take newbies on even if they’re not advertising. And with that attitude, at least you also know that you probably wouldn’t want to be working for such people. If I were in their position, I would appreciate someone coming in to ask in person because it shows that you’re genuinely interested. Otherwise, perhaps if you were to go in person you may not want to ask outright if there are any vacancies as such, but maybe just open up by saying that you’re interested in working there and ask if they’d like to take your resume. Something like that.




I’m really glad that I made you feel a bit better. I don’t like knowing that someone thinks they’re stupid or useless because it’s never true! You sound like you have many strengths that will be useful in the working world. That bus cleaning job sounds good for you too. I hope a vacancy opens up for you soon, because it sounds like you have a pretty good shot!



Still keep at it though. If you’re really passionate you never know where it might lead. Maybe get some honest people to critique some of your work (if you’re willing), because you might be better than you think!



To be honest, I feel the same way. I just wish I could be a student for the rest of my life and never work because it’s so anxiety-inducing! For me, it’s probably a combination of feeling incompetent and having authority figures keeping an eye on me (amongst other things). You might agree with that. I don’t blame you for ignoring that sort of advice – I mean, it is true to some extent because at the end of the day, a job is a job. But when you’re someone with anxiety, ASD, etc., you can’t just fit into any job or expect to have good quality of life while being in a job that doesn't suit you.

I still have hope for you in terms of overcoming or reducing your anxieties. I don’t want you to feel like you’re doomed to a life of constant anxiety, because there is help out there (I know you’ve probably heard it all before). Medication is certainly part of the equation but if you can also find a good psychologist to talk to, that may be valuable for you. Anyway, I do hope you can get the help that you need. In the meantime, I also hope that you keep finding other possible job vacancies that might suit you!

Just another thought: how would you feel about working as a cashier? I know you’re required to make small talk with the public and sometimes provide them with help, but it is quite a repetitive job so it might not be as daunting for you. There’s also night-fill jobs at supermarkets for example, where you’re just stocking shelves and the like. Have you considered something like that?

My boyfriend has suggested that I apply for a job at the supermarket, which is only about 5 minutes down his road. I am thinking about it. The only thing is it gets really busy there and sometimes you literally can't move, and I'm worried I might get overwhelmed, being so I dislike crowds and screaming toddlers. But I suppose anything's better than working at an old people's home. I might prefer the stress of crowds and noise to contradicting rules and high risk of picking up bugs and other illnesses at a care home. My anxieties are complex, so one thing could cause distress for me while something else that you would think would cause distress for me might not as much.

Working as a cashier in a supermarket is not as bad as working as a cashier in smaller shops. Cashier jobs at supermarkets require less pressure to interact with customers, all you have to do is say hello/good morning, etc, scan their items, ask if they want help with packing, ask if they have a clubcard, and announce the amount of cash due, and then move on to the next customer. You don't even have to keep making conversation with every single customer, unless they make conversation with me. I wouldn't want to work on the customer services kiosk though, because you have to deal with difficult customers and complaints and selling cigarettes, etc, and I know I would get very anxious with that.

I suffer with social anxiety, so any job where I will be under pressure to talk to the public (unless it's a cashier in a supermarket), I don't think I would cope with. I wouldn't even like waitressing in a restaurant, because you have to take people's orders, and that can be intimidating when there are impatient customers, or if the restaurant gets busy. I wouldn't mind being out in the kitchen area. I'm no cook, but washing the dishes I wouldn't mind. But I never see those sorts of jobs about. I used to know someone who was shy (not an Aspie) and she just washed dishes in a kitchen of a cafe, and she found it rather relaxing. She just loaded the dishwasher, and washed the dishes, and sometimes helped prepare easy things like a salad and chopping tomatoes or making sandwiches in the mornings if the cafe was busy. But she was just working in one room; not rushing around all over a building or having to interact with customers, and the kitchen was a busy environment with co-workers cooking and preparing meals, and it was sun-lit and a rather friendly place to work. I wish I could do something like that, but those sorts of jobs seem to be very hard to come by, and even if there was a job like that what came up, most probably about 50 other applicants would be applying, and I most probably wouldn't stand a chance, especially if the employers get somebody they know in. They seem to be doing that a lot these days, which is unfair to others who need a chance.

I know what you mean about how certain situations can make you anxious while others don't. For example, I work in retail and some parts of my job stress me to the max while other parts I find quite alright. When I'm at the registers or tidying stock I'm really quite happy, but when I'm required to help a customer (especially when being watched by my boss / coworkers) I feel completely out of my depth and my anxiety levels skyrocket.

I would definitely consider going for that supermarket job because as you said, there would be less pressure to be interactive with customers. As long as you're pleasant (which I'm sure you would be) then you should be fine! If you got a night-fill job there would be no risk of interacting with a customer (because it's after-hours).

Yeah, I would stay away from waitressing . Seems way too stressful! Keep an eye out for those dish-washing jobs too because you never know when something like that may come up, and it does seem like a suitable job for you.