Considering trying antidepressants

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First topic, apologies if this is in the wrong sub forum.


Two nights ago, at around 3-4 am, my mother decided to, i suppose in way, stage a mini intervention.

For the past 4 years, since i finished high school, i have basically done little other than sit in my room in front of a computer.
I have, for the most part, kept myself alive, i have not been as clean as i could be, or as healthy.
So after a small meltdown on my part and some anger(I kind of tried to defend myself, rarely a good idea in my experience.) on her part i agreed to get a doctors appointment and ask for antidepressants.

For a lot of people this would likely not be an issue, but going on medication like that goes against my values, i consider it to be giving up and in general extremely unhealthy.
But i am 20 years old, i have no certificate, diploma, or degree's of any kind, i failed almost every class in school after my second year, i can barely shop for myself without having a meltdown at the store (I have been buying food and cooking for myself for years), i sleep during the day(When i can manage, due to insomnia and a constantly changing sleep schedule), i can barely say hi to my own younger brothers, i often have to turn music up on my headphones to block out noise from other people in the house or people outside(I may end up deaf because of this, it does not help unless i cannot even feel people moving around, yes if i can feel someone moving in the same house as me i get stressed), i really was not any better in school.
I gave up, effectively said "yolo so let's throw it away", to me this is worse than killing myself(Unlike with death, i do not know what is waiting for me if i take these drugs), but then, typical of me, being the stubborn bastard that i apparently am, i accidentally, at least mostly, ended up researching, i wandered across this while on /r/aspergers, the piece on Drugs and Excuses or laziness motivated me to post this topic.

For quite a few years i have worried that i might just be lazy, what other people see when they look at my actions is me being lazy, it is likely that the reason i still have no answer that truly satisfies me is because of self doubt and doubt from others, but for the sake of my meager sanity i objectively know that i am not lazy, so that leaves me with the things that i cannot(will not?) change with willpower, when i run out of food and drink and do not buy more for several days, instead living off of stale bread and borrowed water, if i do not clean my room for a few weeks, or forget about doing yard work for a month, it is not because i am lazy, it is because every time i think about doing those things i am already in a state where i just want to hide under my bed covers and cry from stress or/and depression(I would really be unlikely to do this, solely because these days i have a computer, which i find distracts me far more effectively than crying on a bed).

My question to you guys is this: Should i give antidepressants a go?



Okay, time for slightly but not really off-topic content time, mostly because i am too shy to post this stuff in its own thread where it likely belongs, maybe one day i will move it over to one.

I will start by saying that i strongly believe that i have Asperger's and Bipolar II.

I have always been a "strange" person, from babyhood i would, in my mothers words, "be perfectly happy to be quiet, always looking at people, studying them", after i started school teachers apparently decided that i was hyperactive, always asking questions, arguing, and never being able to sit completely still for long, this was explained away by doctors as ADHD when i was around 7 years old, fast forward 9 or so years, i am in high school, as far as i have been able to figure out i might have ADHD(It had already been explained to me years ago that the doctors had no idea of what i really had and just wanted me dealt with.), that i might also have some kind of learning disability(I could never find out what that learning disability was, people were not exactly useful when i tried to find out.), and that i might have some kind of chronic depression(Over 10 years is a long time for someone that is not even of legal age to drive to have been depressed for.), then a teacher mentioned to me, as a half question, that i might have some form of autism, she had a child with autism and apparently saw similarities, i did not believe it, mostly because the only information i had about autism was from the media, which meant i was picturing pretty much the worst mental images that come along with "mental retardation", forward a few more years, i have "finished" school(I honestly do not know how, or if it counts, if you literally fail almost all classes from 3rd grade primary school onward, if i was a man with weaker values i would highly envy the people that get the support they need.) and finally have time to maybe look into myself, i went through a lot of phases, for a while i wondered if i was a sociopath, a psychopath, a narcissist, a schizophrenic, though it did not take me too long for any of them to see just how far from the truth any of those were, after those interesting and rather painful phases i ended up researching aspergers, suddenly my life made sense, sort of, aspergers explained a lot of what makes me me, but i was happy with finally, after almost 20 years, finding out a bit about how my brain works, at some point i mentioned it to my mother, apparently she has thought i had some form of autism since i was 2 years old, around the same time i made a friend who happens to have bipolar, they are pretty awesome, which caused me to research bipolar in the hopes of understanding it a bit better, nothing really clicked too much at the time, it was only after several months that i slowly considered that i might have some kind of bipolar, i did more research, i finally had my answer, i was not just some weird kind of asperger that would not fit in with NT's or asperger's, i still feel like i have little idea of what is really going on in my head, but having a label that i personally have judged to be fit is in a way comforting, sure i understand that i could be completely wrong, but i also understand that doctors are in no way sure to be correct either, at least i know myself, other people have already proven to me that they cannot understand me beyond the most basic outer layer of "me".

That is certainly not to say that i would not like an official diagnosis, i just do not see much point or opportunity, along with that if i happened to get one of those fantastic doctors that i have heard so many stories about, from internet forums, from scientific studies, and from people irl, the ones that simply do not have the knowledge that would be needed to accurately diagnose someone like me, it sounds like it would be a lot of stress and potentially harmful, it also does not really help that i live in the part of Australia that is basically like south america, in a small country town that is similar to the american native reserves, just more open for anyone to move in or out of without trouble, QLD'ers are not known for being open minded, so i just do not see the point(Along with that fear that if i go in i will never be allowed out, no idea how so many of you guys managed to get past that worry, or am i the only one who feels it.).



TL;DR: Been stressed/depressed for years, give antidepressants a try or not?

I would hold off on any drugs & alter what you eat before you proceed with that of which goes against your very own values (and the scientific-research that is discussed in a seminar that I will include)...

...that above is why to avoid drugs along with some additional scientific-documentation here...
Serotonin and Depression: A Disconnect between the Advertisements and the Scientific Literature

I also strongly advise you to pay attention to this following seminar as to how foods affect health/mood/etc.


Also, from the sounds of your condition, you have more of a « hypnotic-like » psychological-condition, and I experienced the same before in my life, due to trauma that I had experienced, causing it to make it impossible for me to even to handle anything even remotely close to that of which reminded me of incidents in my life that had caused me to snap into becoming absolutely f*****g psychotic (and said psychosis had more to do with the injustices that I had experienced than it does to do with anything related to brain-wiring or genetics). Psychologists within The Zeitgeist movies have studied psychotic-behaviour & have found it to be due to psychological-abuse causes (I had very abusive & unreasonable parents) rather than with anything to do with genetics (yes, I am aware of damage to frontal-lobes being linked to psychotic-behaviours, but the source of said individual's thoughts are not necessarily their own, and human-brains are something like radio-antennas/receivers, proven through a science called: psycho-tronics).

Antidepressants have benefited me greatly for years, and I know many others for whom the same is true.


To steal a favorite line from Flannery O'Conner's Wise Blood: "Perhaps it is time to examine your values and beliefs and see if they are continuing to meet your needs." I often recall that quote when something in my life just isn't working despite my best efforts. For me it pairs nicely with the popular adage: If I keep on doing what I've always done then I'm going to keep on getting what I've always gotten.

Sometimes psych meds can really turn a dysfunctional life around

I do better on anti-depressants than I do without. They're not a magic cure all because I still self-medicate with food, binge drink 1-2 times a week, and sit in my room all day. However, I have a better outlook on life and dream of a life better than death as opposed to blatant nihilism and wishing to die in my sleep when I'm without meds.

I also have more peaceful interaction with my parents when I'm on medication.

I won't tell you what I'm on because I don't want you to get it fixed in your head that you should try a certain medication but here's four things you need to know if you do decide to try meds:

1. First and foremost, a psychiatrist or nurse practitioner (NP) who respects, listens to you, and doesn't act like his/her word is law. My psychiatrist is a gruff and cynical ass who uses vulgar language to get his point across but he respects and listens to me. His nurse practitioner is a lot nicer and friendly but still also respects and listens. Something I really love about my NP is that he'll also tell me things outside of medication that I can do to better my situation. Things like "Try to eat more folate/Vitamin E" or "eat eggs" or "go on walks". I don't necessarily do them but the fact he makes those suggestions is great because he doesn't treat the meds like a "be all, end all".

2. Expect to feel like a guinea pig. I've probably been on 20 or so different medications (even did ECT!) since I was a child and none of them worked long term until I got on my current combination. I'm an extreme case obviously but it may take a few meds to really find what works for you.

3. TAKE YOUR ******* MEDS. It's okay to forget every once in a while but you really need to stay on them. I got really lazy one time and didn't take them for four days and had a mental breakdown that nearly led to me being arrested for assault. Thankfully, it ended up just being a two and a half week stay in a mental hospital (and arguably my most entertaining stay!! ) But seriously - I can not stress enough that you need to take your meds. Even if you feel like they're not working.

4. Practice your social interaction with your pharmacist, psychiatrist, and staff at the doctor's office. Even if you feel like you don't need practice. They might judge you but think about it: they help people crazier than you.

Everyone's mileage will vary with meds.

That said I've been on two types of meds in the past year: zoloft and wellbutrin. Zoloft did absolutely nothing at all. The only effect I felt was when I was withdrawing from it. Wellbutrin not only didn't help my depression, it turned me into a tunnel-visioned psychopath on top of it. My last day taking that stuff was when I ran a red light that I narrowly missed thanks to the car in front of me being slow. I blew through the intersection, sped up, pulled up beside them, and flipped them off while I called them... bad names. This wasn't the first hot-headed thing I did on that stuff but it was definitely the worst and most dangerous. After I calmed down and realized how dumb that was I decided no more wellbutrin.

I had the pleasure of trying Sertraline (Zoloft) once, on a low dose.
By once, I mean, I took one pill, and experienced quite the intense side-effects (raised temperature, insomnia, anger like I've rarely felt it before and finally, explosive diarrhea). I'm saying intense, as the experience was horrible, as was my state, when I went to the doctor to aks for help, hwever, things were not severe, as in, dangerous.

I decided on my own not to try a second pill.
The doctor reaccted seriously surprised when I told him, and I refused any further medication.

Years later, still depressed as hell, I got tested for gastro-intestinal stuff that had been ailing me for a while, specifically, I gottested for serotonin-producing tumors, and it turns out, I have normal-to-high serotonin levels in my blood (but not pathologically high, so, no indication of tumor. Just regular vaguely-autism associated gut trouble)
I know that blood is not brain, let alone synaptic cleft, however, the fact that I have normal sertonin levels in my blood would explain that a serotonin re-uptake inhibitor would result in a lot of physical side effects.
Sertonin is being used for everything everywhere in the bdy, as all other neuro-transmitters are as well, they're not exclusive to the brain, let alone exclusive to the elusive *one synapse that causes depression*.

So, decide for yourself, my reaction was rare, less physical and more psychological effects are more comon as far as I know.