I'm sorry friends, I just don't know what to do...

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I know this is a crappy first post but I just wanted to put it out there. I am nearing 40 and I've been seeing a really great shrink, on my parent's dime, of course, and I have come to accept that I have Aspergers/am an Aspie. For a while there I was doing well, but the hope is fading. I don't see any options as to how I could make anything worthwhile happen in my life.

I'm not at all above realizing, and I have, that my dreams of being NT will never happen... So I'm in this process of trying to craft some new goals and hopes. Yet I just don't or can't seem to get anywhere with them. It all seems impossible.

Has anyone been through this "acceptance" phase of AS and come out on the other side with some reasonable goals and dreams to work towards?

Thanks!

Welcome to the Forum.

I'm sorry you feel this way.

There are people here who have been through similar things as you--yet they managed to reach "the other side of the mountain."

Thank you, KK.

I have been lurking here a long time and I've always found your posts to be a source of insight.

Getting diagnosed was a great relief, since I've always felt that I was "on the outside, looking in". Now I know why.

Yes, I sometimes wish that I could have a more neurotypical personality; but what then?

Would I be a nice "NT", or would I be even more arrogant and condescending than I am now?

It's best just to accept myself as I am, and tell all of my detractors that their homogenous personalities are what make them bland, banal, and generally irrelevant to me.

What to do is to accept that you are not bad, diseased or confused.

You are a decent person, and having this diagnosis does not make you a lesser individual in any room that you choose to enter. Your thoughts and opinions are still valid.

I'm only a year post-diagnosis, so I don't have nearly as much wisdom to offer as other folks here. But i think I understand some of the feelings & thoughts you are describing. I have days where I am frustrated, especially when people ask me condescendingly if I have friends, what I do all day, etc. But there is another side to all of this. our neurology is different, and we experience all sorts of things that NTs don't... some think we see colors as brighter, taste food more strongly, hear more (that definitely applies to me). I'm starting to make a career out of having a different brain. although I don't publicize my diagnosis in my professional life, my unique perspective and my ability to see connections that others cannot has become quite a blessing... I'm getting publications, presenting at conferences, using my ear in the music world. so there can be another side. I have meltdowns, i have days (or even weeks) when I can't seem to leave my apartment. I haven't figured out how to build very many functional relationships... but I do have some. and I think I value them more, because I know how beautiful they are. Although I'm not over the mountain, I think I'm starting to get high enough that I can see over the trees and glimpse the beautiful scenery... and I do my best to hold onto that when I'm stranded in a cave from an avalanche or when my body is aching from the strain of the fight to move forward. but from one climber to another, hang in there. (and yes, I'll drop the metaphor, which was beautiful when one of the wiser ones said it, but which i have stretched into incomprehensibility! ).

take some time to make a list of things you like about yourself. then review it every week or so, add to it, add detail. it may give you some ideas of how to move forward. we aren't normal, and we don't fit in. we are exceptional, in every negative connotation, but also in the positive ones. and it takes exceptional people to do exceptional things. It doesn't matter how old you are or how long it takes, I know you have something to offer the world. maybe you can't contribute the way everyone else can... but do we really need another member of the crowd? and thank you for sharing how you felt here with us!

It is hard to live with Asperger's, but I still find it better now, than back when I didn't know what was wrong with me. Spending decades as a freak without knowing why I am this way was awful. Once I found out I was an Aspy, I was able to research it, and got some help through that. I will never have the kind of life that NTs have, but now at least I am better able to cope with my Aspy problems.

Many of us on the Autism/Asperger's spectrum have to keep our goals simple, but they are still valid goals. Try picking simple goals, at least for now. Once you are more used to dealing with life on the spectrum you may be better able to seek more complex goals.