Beating depression

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Hi there fellow aspies!

I have struggled with insomnia and depression for my entire adult life. I think I've finally found a long term solution for insomnia (Trazodone, the best med I've ever taken), but the depression is still around. I take antidepressants, which help somewhat, but nothing seems to really do the trick. I just had a very, very bad reaction to a med they tried, and while I'm now off of it I'm not feeling good about my chances of recovery. I thought I could... I don't know, work hard enough that somehow I'd earn freedom from depression by putting effort into improving my life. I became really active socially while getting my bachelor's degree, joining the student senate and eventually becoming the student body vice president. Around this time, the thought of getting to happiness through smarts and hard work and determination really crystallized a special interest for me.

By the time I got to grad school I was obsessed with finishing fast. I enrolled in a school that you pay per semester rather than per credit, at a great school (Western Governors University) that theoretically lets you finish as quickly as you can finish the work. I ignored everything else in life and focused intensely on school, finishing my MBA in five months, becoming the fasted student to make it through the program by far. Going out into the working world has followed a similar path - I joined my current company a year ago and have been promoted twice already. I formed strong relationships with my coworkers, who I love dearly. I also try hard to help others and do some volunteer work. I put tremendous effort into bettering my life so I could finally beat depression.

It didn't work.

Despite all that progress, I'm still as prone to depression as ever. The main thing I get sad about is not ever being able to find a girl I really click with... but I suspect much or even most of that is just the depression making me feel bad, and my mind coming up with an "explanation" for that feeling other than a neurotransmitter imbalance or whatever is actually going on. And of course, struggling with depression sure won't make me very enticing to the right girl even if I finally meet her. So what I wanted, other than to just share my story I guess, is to ask if anybody here has suffered from depression but really found a way out of it. My spirits have been very down lately, and I'm sometimes feeling as if there's no way to get better. No matter how hard I work I can't seem to beat it. Does anybody here know that it can be done?

It's been great getting to know you guys these past few weeks. I appreciate any input you have.
-Nathan

I only focused on this part of the sentence..... And as one of your friends, I wanted to let you see a female's view about how a male could approach girls.=)

Right now what you need is a cute girl friend. I guess your company has some girls, try to be nice to all cute girls there..See them as humans not girls that's the key…Act like you don't need a girl friend because you are busy enjoying your great single life, which of course should be true. Don't pick just one girl, be friends with as many girls, but never think you as their boy friend but think as their girl friend who has warm and caring heart but when it needs you should be as cocky as possible. If cute girls have male friends it should not affect you. Because they are not girls but humans. You always remain as a good friend to them.

Girls will want you when you don't seem to need girls to their eyes. Think about at least 3 months to build up friendships with girls. If it works well, you may have a cute girlfriend in the end, even if it doesn't work you have still female companies..If it's possible be friends with the friends' female friends..They should have their cute female friends..Who knows your SO is your friend's of friend's of friend of friend of friend...

Is there anything in your life that makes you very euphoric for a short while?

Thanks for the advice, I think you're right. I think that even though I try not to show it, something about my mannerisms is a turnoff to girls that I like. I try to make friends with most everybody (especially cute girls of course), but I'm a really non-social person and mostly like to keep to myself after work. I know I need to make myself go to more social events but I never feel like I have the social energy for that. Anyway, I think you really pointed out something important - the girls who end up liking me are always girls I don't like, and that may not be a coincidence. So... when I do like a girl I should... act as though I don't? That doesn't seem right, but maybe it is. I'm gonna need to figure this one out.



Yes. Sometimes when I work out on my treadmill, when I have a lot of energy and have some great music playing I can start to feel really fantastic. I haven't been using it much lately because it is in my basement, which is in the process of being remodeled (or rather "modeled", since it was empty before). I go for walks while listening to music still but it isn't quite the same, and I really don't like running.

When a man see a potential partner, he lacks patience to be friends with her in the first place, he just wants to keep her all to himself as fast as he can while the woman still would need some distance from him as well as she doesn't need to hurry at all.

Being friends with her means respecting her letting her making decision of if she pursues him or not on her own not by him. Consider this approach as that it's all about respecting her then you will get the point of pretending not liking her.

Have been on 11 different anti-depressants at one time or another and the only one that worked partially was Paxil, and even then its negative side effects, chemical castration and emotional numbness, outweighed its benefits. I found a total diet and lifestyle overhaul, lifting weights, getting plenty of sunlight, and using CBT and ACT to correct my negative perspective to be able to overcome depression without all the bs side effects of relying on meds to solve my depression.

It doesn't really matter what caused your depression, it just matters what you are going to do about it.

So what was the drug you had the bad reaction to? I think you're right when you say it's all about neurotransmitters. You just have to keep trying until you find the right medication.

I take effexor and abilify with risperidone. Took me 40 years to find the right combination. It has made a huge difference.

Wellbutrin/Bupropion. It makes me feel... well, you know how you feel before public speaking or a first date or getting an important test back? I felt like that all the time, which sucked tremendously. That's also why my original post was kind of rambly and weird; my apologies.

I'm glad to hear from someone who finally found the right combination! How long have you been on that combo?

I'd like to think I'm respectful either way, but I can definitely see your point about women wanting more distance than men do. Thank you for the dating tips!

If you really want to go the med route, there is always Parnate to consider. It is an MAOI which most doctors probably are not old enough to have been around when it was commonly used but it can be considered a last resort medication for depression if every other med has failed. The dietary risks are vastly overstated, just read up about it, educate yourself, print off a bunch of studies relating to the condition you are trying to treat using the medication you want(ie Parnate in this case) and show them to your doctor.

I've never taken that. The thing is though that everyone's body chemistry is different and everyone reacts differently.

Almost five years with one increase in dosage for the effexor.

But I am slightly worried that my tips may ruin your possible relationships because they are only my view. Even though having said that I'll add a bit, expecting other loner men might find this a bit helpful as well.

Acting like their girl friend means you feel very comfortable being around them. Like sisters do feel that way. Girls would feel comfortable being around you as well when you feel that way in the first. You would not get intimidated in front of even cutest girls if you think they are just your comfortable buddies and in turn, girls find that attractive. Being intimidated and showing hesitation before them must be a big obstruction of them staying friendly and comfortable with you. =)

I think it would be a good idea to get this going again. Set it up and put a dust sheet, or whatever, over it in the daytime.