Need someone to talk to cause of things that are happening

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firstly i want to note i am not the best at spelling or grammar so please don't judge.

so pretty much i am just starting this cause i feel like crap at the moment and i am just looking for someone to talk too and i don't know who to turn to at the moment.

pretty brief description about me 18 year old male,

well also what is happening at the moment is i feel like my my mother doesn't understand what i am going through, and just so you know some of the things i am going through is depression and like 2 months ago i got diagnosed with Asperger syndrome if that's what you call it, i always here the autism spectrum a lot i have a basic understanding of all this. well anyway back to how i feel like crap the thing is i know i am not the best of person at times but i just feel like my mum just doesn't treat me like i am capable and then she acts like a lot of things that go on in my life are my fault and my dad was also isn't the best he was never a father figure and i have a rocky friendship with him as well i have been in fights with him a fair bit (physical and non) but there is a lot to put in here but its to much to think about at the moment.


sorry if this isn't enough information i would rather if you heard both of the sides but i guess you can' and i am sorry for that.


p.s. i still love my family to bits i have 4 sisters and 3 brothers with one of them having down syndrome. and also my parents have also gone through a bit and i wouldn't be surprised if they had some mental illnesses or something like that, as well my family has background with those things. but anyway i am going to leave it at this so i hope i can get someone to talk to out of this and maybe a friendship.

Hi Panzer. It might help if you could give us a bit more information at this stage as we are just getting to know you. How long have you been diagnosed? What led to that happening? Did your depression start before or after the diagnosis? Has your mum reacted to you differently since the diagnosis? Are you still at school or what is your current situation?

I am glad that you have found the Haven to discuss these things that are going on for you and I hope you are ok tonight, (because of the time difference you may not get replies from the Northern Hemisphere members until tomorrow - our time). It sounds like you are coping with a lot of painful feelings and experiences, and really need to talk to people who can relate to them - well, congratulations, you have come to the right place for that

this may seem odd but i rather use direct messaging (skype, pm, etc) mainly cause i don't feel like everyone need to read about my personal life and also i find it easier to say what i think in short burst.
cause i have a lot and i need to get everyone's point of view across e.g. my parents, siblings and i

Can you find someone who does understand you?

And perhaps we can help you word what it is you need others IRL to understand.

Most people don't mind messaging, but the responses may be a bit slower is all. It depends on the person of course and their time zone and schedule.

the thing is its hard to tell people irl cause i don't want to explain it wrong and something bad happens. i just feel like my mum needs help and i have asked the dr to get someone the check her out and they did but my mum acted like nothing was wrong, and when she found out that i told the dr she needed to get help i got abused. (i think i will try and tell my dr about it again), also another thing about my mum she is a control freak and this really has a negative impact on me i think (well thats how i feel) like i have not much freedom like i am not treat like an adult.

this will have to do for now i just have a lot going through my head like usual.

Gosh Panzer, as the parent of 8 children, even though at least one (you) are now a young adult, I would guess that your mum must be pretty overloaded at the best of times, especially if there is no-one to give her any support. What is clear to is that you see things very differently from the way she does, and this is adding to stress for you both; maybe it isn't the best plan to approach the doctor again about your mother unless there are really compelling reasons to do so - for example harmful behaviour like beating up one of your siblings - which I hope is not the case.

How do you spend your time? Do you have interests outside of home? Do you connect with anyone outside of home, to talk to?

well i have brothers and sister ranging from my age (18) to (40) so there aren't many of us at home except my down syndrome brother and i, and the only time there is physical violence is from my dad when he has to much to drink.

and i can't do much out of home because my mother doesn't let me do it and most of my hobbies are military models and gaming.

Sorry for so many questions though your replies are really helpful to us to see the bigger picture that is going on for you. The issue of your Dad's completely unacceptable behaviour when he is drunk is a biggie - is his violence targeted at you, your brother, your mum, or all three of you?

Of your older brothers and sisters, is there one that you and your Mum get on particularly well with - that you could talk to about worries you have, and how to best communicate them to your mother? I can understand why you might be feeling depressed.

well my dad isn't always physical but he get really abusive and he mainly directs it at my one of my sisters my mum or i

Verbal abuse is psychological and emotional abuse, it is pretty common for the targets of it to respond with depression if the power imbalance makes it dangerous or difficult (if not impossible) to personally challenge the offender's unacceptable behaviours. It sounds like your Dad expresses his anger by victimising others. Do you attend any support services of any kind? Who is the adult person - at home or elsewhere - who more than anyone else you can talk to about stuff that is going on in your life? Is there such a person? If not then I think it might be really helpful for you to talk to some youthline services specifically set up to support young adults dealing with family issues. It would be reassuring to know that you had at least one person in your life "on your side" as it were..

well i see a psychologist and sometimes my family can be on my side also my dad has had issues with my mum and my mum does start some of it

Have you shared the things that are getting you down with the psychologist before?

yeah with one of them but not my new one

Possibly, when the time feels right for you, you could do that, and then ask the new psychologist if she/he could arrange a three way meeting with your mother and you to talk through the things that are not working for you at home and work out a plan that would help mum see your needs in a clearer perspective and perhaps learn new ways to support your move into more independence.

It seems to me that it will be too hard, or take too long, for you to try to achieve this by yourself, and the risk of trying to do that all by yourself is that you could become exhausted and more depressed - it's hard for any of us to make big changes without someone's support.

What State are you in (in Australia?) I know that some Australian states have an Office of Commissioner for Children and Young People and usually the staff who work at places like that know of a whole range of resources for young people in all sorts of situations.

Also, meantime, maybe you jot down a rough list of things that you would specifically like to do to expand your current life, and then from that maybe, the psychologist could help you develop some new plans, help you implement them, and the psychologist may know of other supports you could possibly use too. And there may be an asperger's support group that would suit you too, and would broaden your horizons beyond home, which is natural to want at your age.

i am trying to change my life and most of the thing above i am trying to do, i think the reason i started on here is to see if anyone had any other advice while i was working on telling people and getting them to help cause it feels like such a long process.

and also another reason i have depression is also the lack of friends i am working on that but i am finding it hard.

i am sorry i am so vague i just can't explain what i am thinking that well.

I understand that it's hard. It would be hard for me too, in your position, because it is a hard position to be in. Breaking out of this and connecting with potential friends is going to make a huge difference in the future. It's really important to work out a plan about how you are going to achieve that, what the steps are and what you need to do to find the future friends. Break the plan down into pieces, and then go step by step at your own pace. The first steps usually feel the hardest and the most frightening, but the psychologist can help you with those steps.

There is a thread somewhere on WP where Australian members post to one other, so I will try and find it for you tomorrow as someone there might have some useful contacts with groups that might appeal to you. (If anyone else reading this knows where that thread is, could you post a link here for Panzer? Thanks).