Losing control.

Post Reply New Topic

TW: Self-harm, suicide.

Sorry, this is my second post about this in a few days but I'm quickly losing control over myself.

Due to family issues, I'm spending the whole month with them, and they make me feel so bad, I have at least a daily meltdown, I feel trapped.

They said nobody will ever love me (and I'm fine with not ever having a romantic partner - but c'mon, don't make me feel even more alienated that I already do), tell me I'm a loser because lately I only sit around playing Sims (I have a very bad cold, so going out makes it worse) and that I should "man up" and say "okay, my head is clear now" and I wouldn't have depression, anxiety... they don't even know about aspergers. And every attempt to point out 90% of my issues are there because I've been abused for 18 years ends up in "OH, SO YOU'RE THE VICTIM, RIGHT?".

Next week I'm visiting a good friend for five days so that would help, but at the moment I feel like I'm 16 over again, I have no future and I want to die.

I just want to hurt myself badly, I keep getting suicidal thoughts, this is too much.

Tess, I want you to understand one thing: You are not alone. From what you have posted since you time joined I would have to say your family is extremely toxic and unsupportive and I urge getting away from them as soon as possible. They don't have the right to belittle you or make you feel like crap. YOU have the right to tell them to f*ck off and leave them in the dust. It is YOUR life, not THEIRS.

I've dealt with suicidal thoughts myself and I know it sucks HARD, but hurting yourself only means you're letting them win by getting to you. You do have a future and it can be a bright one, but you will need to make hard choices and one of them will be to get away from this terrible environment that your family is creating for you. I'm also dealing with a nasty cold so I understand that too and it is probably making things worse so know that this situation will pass in time. I would also recommend finding a good therapist far away from your family if you don't already have one. If you do, then call them and discuss this situation, that is what they are there for.

Have faith in yourself, focus on all of the positive things about yourself to counteract the negative feelings you are having now, and I hope you will make it through this a better and happier person.

I agree with Nist498 I think you should cut them from your life. Move somewhere else even another country if you have to. As the years go on you will realise you need to do this sometimes.

_________________
( If I ignore a reply it's not intentional I get distracted, send me a PM to prompt me )

I tolerated my evil/crazy parents for years, but every time they called or I saw them I started getting actual panic attacks.

After a while the panic attacks became so bad that I could no longer answer the phone or the door when it was them.

Thus I began to feel better over time by not being able to listen to them spew toxic diatribes against me.

I hate to wish panic attacks on anyone, but in this case I wish you to have panic attacks that will make you incapable of seeing or speaking to them. I hope it will save you from years of self-hatred and self-harm.

I agree with the other posters. You do not HAVE to have contact with your parents. I had a thread about that not long ago: viewtopic.php?t=297371
As you see there are many who have had to cut contact, but are stil living god lives!