I am not the center of the world, and that really sucks.

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Hey guys, so I've had this realization for a while now, and it feels stupidly hilarious and obvious but makes me feel depressed.

I am not the center of the world. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I am just another person out of billions who are on this planet. When I stepped outside myself for a second in my 400-person college classroom, I realize that to everyone else who doesn't know me, in their perspective I'm just "another 20-something guy." If I were to die tomorrow, there would be an email sent out to the whole campus and people would say "aw, that's too bad" and get on with their lives.

Until recently, I saw myself as this super righteous, progressive, moral, and sexy person (I still believe the last part). As many of you can probably relate to, sometimes I catch myself daydreaming about being some sort of superhero and being different than everyone else, or being immortal and living forever. Then I catch myself and get depressed: because I'm really just "another person." I realized that there's other people out there who are "more righteous" than me and have their own skills, opinions, emotions, and complicated lives. Although I always knew this, I've only experienced this depth and sonder (the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own) way of thinking.

I guess I just have a hard time sorting these thoughts. All in all, what I mean to say is that I'm just having a really hard time understanding what the f*** I'm doing here and why I exist. Facing the human reality is hard. It's hard understanding that if I, myself and all my conscious didn't exist the world would go on business as usual.

Thanks for your time

P.s My name is Matt and this is my first post so yeah this site is awesome

I don't believe I have a specific "reason" why I exist.

I just exist. And I seek to make the best of it.

I'd rather be on the fringes of things, rather than be in the "center of the world."

I believe each individual person is more significant than the oft-stated "grain of sand." So is each individual ant.

Unfortunately for you, I am the center of the world and I'm not going to give that one up in a hurry.

You depend too much on validation from others, there is no way this does not end in tears. Stop that NOW, do NOT seek validation from others, do things not because you feel they are praise-worthy, but because they are worthy of being done... otherwise you are setting yourself up for failure. There is NO ONE that can live up to the excess expectations of others who merely want to piggy back off success anyways, ever hear the proverb "all is vanity?" well, it's largely true, don't fall into that vanity.

FULFILLMENT comes from within, not from without. People are superficial and vain, don't feed into that, and don't become what they are. You are still young, focus on your hobbies and career, everything else is just noise that doesn't mean anything.

You are an immortal hero and everything you do matters greatly in the universe. And the universe does revolve around you. You just do not know it yet and the same goes for everybody else too.

Hello Matt, I believe in Jesus of the bible. I am way far from "righteous" but am a work in progress so that is OK. I'll never be perfect this side of heaven. I believe that my purpose is to love and serve God and others. I feel much better now that I have a true purpose. I used to be depressed a lot of the time. This has helped me a lot.