why is it.

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If you can't get dates, a lot of people will twist anything you say on the matter into blaming others and excusing yourself.

I wish someone would have actual practical advice that would help and not the standard, "it's you, change everything about you."

Who else ciuld possibly be to blame for a person not getting dates than, well, the person not getting the dates?

I'm not seeing how it can be anybody else's fault... but if others have other ideas, by all means, enlighten me.

(It's also worth noting that dating involves a hefty amount of rejection for pretty much everybody who attempts it -- dating is getting know people and there's no way to know if you really like them BEFORE you get to know them. Even for NTs).

Some thoughts about this post and others you've made:

1) You've set yourself an artificial deadline. Your dating life does not end at 30. Plenty of people don't meet their significant other until their 30s. Divorcees often start dating again. Both my parents had long-term relationships after they divorced and they were in their 40s. One of them is very likely an Aspie. There are examples of people dating into their 70s and 80s.

2) What's the worst that could happen if you never dated or never had a long-term relationship? Is a relationship really the most important thing in life? This is not to say that you will never date or have a relationship, but I think if you are able to accept that it might never happen, and that things will be okay if it doesn't, your fears will have much less power over you.

3) Rejection is built into the dating process. You are going to be rejected, probably by most people you approach. This is true for just about everyone. Even the wealthiest, smartest and most attractive people experience rejection. You can reduce the emotional impact by trying not to take anything seriously until there's something to be serious about. For example, if you see a woman who looks perfect online, don't set your heart on her. She's just a possibility, one of many. If you get to a date, treat it as a fun opportunity to decide if you want to have a second date. Avoid getting emotionally invested in these early stages.

4) Confidence is crucial and I really recommend that you work on yours, perhaps even before trying to date. Yes, I know you've heard that before, and I know you don't say the kind of stuff to your potential dates as you say to us. But speaking as someone whose confidence was once virtually non-existent, it leaks out. It really, really does. People sense it and they don't want to be around it. Why don't you try to build your confidence by achieving little personal victories? Have you got any talents or special interests you can develop? Maybe set yourself little goals relating to these and set out to fulfil them.

5) If you can't afford to take someone out for a meal, see if there's any free entertainment on offer in your local area, go for a walk in a park or visit a free/cheap local attraction.

6) I am not saying you have to change your core self to get a date or a relationship. You'd be miserable trying to pretend to be something you're not. I am saying that you can change the things that are already making you miserable, like your lack of confidence. I strongly believe that if you felt better about yourself overall, you would be more successful at dating and at life in general. I'd very much like to see a confident Sly.

You don't get emotionally invested too early by not getting emotionally invested too early.

You tell yourself that you don't know the person (you don't). You don't spend an hour on a carefully crafted message (yiu dash off a quick response) and don't be crushed if you don't hear back. Hell, assume you won't hear back.

Keep in mind that even if someone agrees to a first date, there's less than 50% chance you'll both have enough fun to wanna do it again. A less than 50% chance that a person who gives you their number will agree to a date if you call. A less than 50% chance they'll even call.

Sly threatening to kill himself in two years a is a plea for attention. For others to tell him he's worthy of oxygen and should keep going and get treatment for depression (my take is that he should too!) - but, ultimately, he's a big boy who can make his own decisions. Though not asking girls out because you fear rejection and bitching that girls you've never asked out won't date you is a bit much.

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Just a reminder, the Haven is here for members seeking support. Please keep any criticism of the OP to yourself.

Thanks.

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