See New York City ~ and die ?

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To repeat myself , I have been (offically doctor-diagnosed) as having congestive heart failure and renal failure to an extent that dying in less than a year has been stated as a possibilty . I am now in this pretty crappy shelter , my " keepers " from the HOT team are it seems to me pretty much neglecting me anyway . (Mybe read my self-description at the blog/whatever department .)
Something that comes to my mind is going to New York ~ if I am going to die , to see my brother one time (at least) before I die , and see my parent's grave and scenes where I grew up . This is not something that came to me just after the diagnosis - I have wanted to do so for many years .
I pictured how I'd arrive in NY , and how I'd set up visiting my brother (who's ret*d , and lives , quite securely , in the group home my parents set up for him)
This is not an idea I came up with only after the possible terminal diagnosis ~ It's just that , if ~ as could be possible ~ that's it for me ~ Well , there's this .
A suggestion that Social Services in NY might have a little more stuff available for those sick was made to me too .
Bluntly , it's ` certainly if I am terminal ` now or never , it was a " less than a year " possible death time given to me ~ This would make this upcoming summer my last summer .
Presumably , after some months , I might really go downhill ~ And , the weather will really start to go downhill in NY from where it will be in mid-2016 .
For , yes , I thinking of going homeless , arriving there that way ~ What other alternative do I have ?
Presumably , SS might be somewhat understanding of an undeniable " I'm gonna die/see my brother-folks' " narrative .
Kraftiekortie said " I'll see Big Sky Country before I die " ~ and Dustin Hoffman , in MIDNIGHT COWBOY , will be in Miami <CRYING/teared> ?
Help would be nice .

...So , yes , I am proposing going to the NY area , my home area ~ To do the , if it is going to be among final things , if I am terminally ill (remember a doctor told me so) ~ Of at least accomplishing seeing my brother ~ and my parents' gravesite ~ again , after all these years .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...If the Grim Reaper is coming , knocking , at my door , well ~ With , perhaps , help ? ~ seeing my brother , WHOM I HAVENT SEEN FOR 18&1/2 YEARS , is something I can/should do .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...I don't know that it matters what I think of a bodily/mental/emotional condition .
I suppose I am " supposed to " be all " It's a challenge ! And its great ! It's a mountain to climb and triumph when I reach the top and I wouldn't change A THING ! !! !! !! " , like Oprah and Dr. Phil would doubtless want me to say .

ASS-P wrote:

...If the Grim Reaper is coming , knocking , at my door , well ~ With , perhaps , help ? ~ seeing my brother , WHOM I HAVENT SEEN FOR 18&1/2 YEARS , is something I can/should do .

I'm really sorry to hear that. I don't know what to do. Do you like or hate autism?

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Let me know if you really go. I'm sometimes tempted by political events in that area.
A meet-up would be a double incentive, especially in the summer.
I'm about an hour by train from Penn Station. (The cost of a ticket is the hardest part.)

...Uh , for you ~ or for me ?????????
It occurs to me that where I sort of remember you live is a touch beyond the reach of the (I assume) still relatively cheap commuter trains ~ That correct ?

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Getting to the train is easy. It's close. It's just that I'm broke.

...Commuter or other kinds of trains ?

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

I used to work at a research hospital/university and the thing that immediately came to mind is this: in the USA(assuming you live in the States) we were always able to get Social Security benefits started for any person at all that had what is termed as "End Stage Renal Disease." Please apply for this ASAP to go ahead and get benefits started for yourself, the money is definitely there for that, and you are certainly deserving of it.

Blessings.

Sorry, I am new and not sure if it will let me post links yet, but want to try to help. Please copy and paste these as they can help you get started. Please fill out an online application with someone you trust or on your own. It will most likely be worth your time okay. Blessings.


http://www.disabilitysecrets.com/win-ca ... sease.html

https://secure.ssa.gov/poms.nsf/lnx/0445001001

Sorry, but if you do I hope you have a good time.

...Thank you to Job23 , I was in the hospital , didn't get back til' to-day , I'll see about what you suggest , maybe more later .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

If you have end-stage renal disease, you are entitled to free medicine. No questions asked.

...I should , briefly , say that I am not DX'd with " end-stage at all , that's definite .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!