Loneliness, and afraid of being close to someone

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I feel lonely, I feel it's hard for being close to someone. People who I think before they're friend are ended up just making benefit of me and if they feel don't need me, they often pretend that I'm not here or making fun of me.

The most think I hate is they making fun of me, they think I'm weird, worthless and easily fooled. Most of people just being close to me because I'm good academically. If they can't get what they want, they started being mean to me.

My childhood was more horrible, people in my class tease me, hide my stuff, threaten me like they would tell my parents when I get bad grades. Even one of my teacher make things worse, she several times accused me that I'm not do the homework by myself because one person in my class told it, but it's not true.

I started making some imaginary friends and imaginary world when I was junior high school. My imaginary friends / best friends is the safest place to share my feeling, I wouldn't afraid for losing them. I even felt in love with one of them. In my imaginary world, I have different form of me which is more nice looking and great. I ever feel it's better to leave this real world and go to my imaginary world, i feel safe, comfortable, and more acceptable there.

Now I am a college student, I have abilities to defend myself but I still have some difficulties to keep relationship with people, trying to making me more busy and pretend I always happy even many people being mean to me. I often feel depressed when I remember about my loneliness, I imagining my imaginary best friends or partner hugging me and trying to make me feel comfortable. I often imagining the another story of my different form in my imaginary world.

Hi BlueSky96,

It's nice to see you here again. The problems you are describing sound pretty common. You are no doubt highly intelligent. That's why people will come to you for acedemic help. But I'm sorry they are mean to you otherwise. You are definitely not worthless. What are your plans for the future? What are you studying in school? How many languages do you know? Your English is very good but I am guessing you know another language even better. Just keep doing well in your studies and ignore the mean people. I am sending you a hug (((hug)))

@aspieinaz Nice to see you too yes I have some plan about my career, although I have some difficulties to manage my time XD

Sometimes when I remember about it make me feel hurt. I don't really know how to erase the pain.

Sorry to hear people are been mean around you, stop communicating with them who ever they are including family. They should get the message. You don't need people in your life like that took me a long time to realise that my self.

I also find it hard to keep friends I only have 1 person who I consider a close friend everyone else is someone I socialise with now and again. An example he just got his first girl friend in 15 years and I was the first to know and insisted I try and get out to meet her after 5 days of them been together. (They have known each other for years so it's not likely to be a short relationship they already know each other)

I think everyone can be a bit disorganised. I can have a concrete plan for my day set out but then I get distracted by something and there goes the whole day... lol. What sort of career are you thinking?

Big hugs from me also ({hugs})

_________________
( If I ignore a reply it's not intentional I get distracted, send me a PM to prompt me )

Sweet Pea hugs

@ZD It's similar to me, I can be distracted for something for several hour even for a day
Glad to hear that you have a close friend who can be still together with you
I'm thinking about medical career and making my own business, so I started from a very little online shop while studying.

@CockneyRebel LOL, the fuzzysweetpea doll picture is a bit scary

People are mainly mean in high school. From here on out people will gradually be less mean. All of your weirdness will just make you more interesting now.

Hi BlueSky96,

I'm sorry to hear you've been having problems. It's posts like these that serve as a reminder how cruel some people can be and how it can break bright minds. I had problems at school too. While I had virtually no problems on the teacher side and a handful of people, I don't keep in contact with any of them bar one anymore. I chose to cut them out of my life once I left and I've never looked back. I was originally quite bitter because of the bullying and exclusions that I was subject to, but nowadays I think fondly of them - they are happy now without me - our purpose in each other's lives have been served and they are remnants of a bygone era. It's worth trying to look at it like that - but I will admit it isn't easy. It took me many months to become aware of this even after I left them.

I will admit the pain does stay though. This vocaloid song sums this bit up best, I feel.



Reading what you have to say on imaginary friends though reminds me of my childhood imaginings. I imagine things in my minds-eye and these images appear as I phase out, and can be quite detailed in what happens. When I was younger, it consisted of characters from various cartoons (mostly those on Nickelodeon) appeared (alongside a cartoony stylisation of myself) and we were friends and having fun in generic settings. Nowaday it's more anime-RPG style worlds set with a variety of themes, though I still remember the setting I made when I was young quite vividly and would love to return to it in a more mature plot setting, minus the licensed characters of course. I think the escapism it provides works as some sort of comfort against the world as you know when even when you have fake friends upset you as has and will happen. Things will get better, even if it dosen't seem that way at the moment.

Feel free to message me if you'd like someone to talk to ^^

Hi all, sorry for didn't respond for so long I have some college task and exam that come and come again like a fast mode tetris game, LOL