Had argument with parents :(

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Hey everyone. I have an issue that I'm too embarrassed to talk about with my friends and too anxious to talk about with other members of my family, so I thought I'd reach out to you guys.

This afternoon I was thinking about some of the things Autism Speaks have been saying and doing, Toni Braxton saying that her son is no longer on the autism spectrum, etc. so I brought it up with my parents, and they basically said that they thought that my life would be easier if I was an NT. I said that I wouldn't be who I was if I was an NT, that I wouldn't have been interested in writing or creating stories, conservation or climate change, and they disagreed. I said I doubted I'd have ever started breeding poison dart frogs if I was an NT, and my mom's response was "it's hard to say, but you'd still be you if you hadn't".

My parents then started talking about how me having an ASD is the reason why I still haven't been in a proper relationship yet at almost 20 years old, why I need to take a reduced courseload at college, why I can't work full-time, why I'm not ready to move out to live on residence at college, etc. That really stung and I left the room at that point, especially since I tend to feel very self-conscious about those issues, and feel like the best I can do isn't enough.

Both my parents apologized to me later in the afternoon, saying "you just do the best you can in work and school, your social life is fine, you'll find the right match one day, you'll be able to live on your own if you work at it," and so on. I told them I accepted their apologies, but I'm still feeling pretty hurt about it. The thing is I have low self-esteem under the best of circumstances, but it gets brought down pretty easily and usually takes a while to get back up. I do try hard to gain work and independence skills, but it's difficult for me and I often need periods to rest and recover from the mental effort.

Sometimes I feel like it would be almost easier to be "low-functioning" (note: I don't like functioning labels, so I usually say "more" or "less affected" by autism instead of "low-functioning" and "high-functioning", just for future reference) since then I'd have a whole network of supports instead of having to pull myself up by my bootstraps. I have ODSP, but that's only around 900 dollars a month - not a lot in the grand scheme of things, and half of it's going to pay my rent right now, and I'm only able to see my social worker once a month. Being on the fringe of the spectrum can suck sometimes

It's been said before (I'm not sure where), but "Being high-functioning doesn't mean I experience my autism more mildly. It means you experience my autism more mildly."

I think your parents are good parents who were not very tactful, then realized it, and apologized.

It would not be easier to be "low-functioning." You have lots of brains, and will succeed.

Have you decided on a major yet?

I had never heard this before, what you said,

It's been said before (I'm not sure where), but "Being high-functioning doesn't mean I experience my autism more mildly. It means you experience my autism more mildly."

That really struck me, thanks for sharing that.

I grew up with a dad who had ASD only he died in 1980 so he never knew and we never knew why he was "different". His meltdowns were very volitle so his ASD affected me greatly.

People who are "different" and intelligent are frequently able to get around what is conventional, and succeed nevertheless.

There are thousands of ways one can tie one's shoes.

I think you would have a future with Environmental Science.

There's a need for scientists of that ilk--because of the impending need for us to change our environment.

Seeker883, if there's one lesson to be learned from your argument with your parents, it's that some questions may have a painful outcome. I think you probably pushed your folks to an answer that they otherwise would have been too tactful and well-meaning to give.

You want to move forward in a lot of areas at once (relationship, independent living, job, regular college courseload). This can be overwhelming. Try to focus on one area of growth at a time, and then move into another area. I really do think you can achieve your goals in each area, but you run the risk of failing to accomplish any of them if you do everything at once and then melt down or shut down.