Stressed out

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This has been a rough year. At first things were great, I was doing well at work. My co-workers know about my Aspergers which allowed me to lessen anxiety since they now clearly communicate with me without so much ambiguity. I was told I was even up for a possible promotion. The next thing I knew my mom was diagnosis with Lung Cancer, my sister was having breathing issues related to lung damage caused by anti-rejection meds, and my oldest child moved out and got married. I held my breath and just took it day by day since that much stress and change usually trigger me to have bouts of anxiety. I held on to the job moving forward and built my plans and patterns around it. The next thing to happen was my manager announced she was leaving for another position. She had only been there a year or so but she had been the best manger for me. She appreciated what I did for her, she let others in management team know how much I contributed, and she provide honest direction. I was afraid that would mean me moving under my old manager who triggered a lot of anxiety the last time I worked for him. I had a small melt down, I cried but my manager was understanding. I held on to the promise of a possible promotion and that I might not have to report to my old manager. The next thing my beloved dog of 14 yrs became ill, she had internal bleeding and I had to put her to sleep. She was my best friend. I was still clinging to the plan, the patterns I developed that was to lead me to the promotion. Well I found out a couple of weeks ago I was going to be under the old manager and sat down to be informed that suddenly I was not skilled enough for the promotion. I sat in the room, digging my nails into my hands, staring at my manager just trying to not melt down in front of him and his boss. I think I raised my voice a time or 2 but it is hard for me to remember for sure. I kept it together until I left and then had a royal meltdown in the car, at home etc. I've fought suicidal thoughts, feelings of worthlessness, and hopelessness. It was like they took away my whole world. I don't have any friends, and my family isn't the supportive kind so I've been trying to get myself back in control. I can go through the motions for periods of time but the depression won't leave and I find myself forgetting things a lot. I then get anxious, thinking is he mad at me, does he think I'm not capable of doing my job, will they fire me etc. I just wish I didn't have to deal with people on a regular basis. I only get lonely every once and a while and even then find people exhausting if I spend more than 30 minutes with them. I mostly just want to talk at people regarding what I am interested in. /end of rant. I just needed to say something without feeling like I'll be judged a freak.

What are you interested in?

Wow, all those negative changes all at once! That must be so awful! Anything happen lately that might move things in a more positive direction?

Have you considered seeing a therapist? If nothing else, a therapist would be someone who could support you emotionally when no one else will. All the best to you and your family.

Very sad to hear you are having such hard times.
How is your mom handling her diagnosis?
Has your sister improved?
That's dreadful to lose a good boss. They make such a difference. Is there any way you can send her an email and mention that you would love to work for her in her new position...if that might be a possibility.
I'm so sorry to hear about your dog.
It seems like life just crashes all around us at times. Hope to hear things have started to turn around or at least you can progress toward organization and a modicum of control.
Totally agree with the part about people being exhausting.
Hope you are able to take good care of yourself and get some rest.