Self esteem issues around appearance

Post Reply New Topic

First of all, a bit of personal history: I've always had multiple self-esteem problems, including body image issues which started up when I started getting some very brutal flak from around 5th grade for being a chubby kid. I lost most of that chubbiness just by growing out of it, but more recently I had issues with acne and eczema which have only begun to clear up in the last year and a half, despite me going to a dermatologist, and which made me look red and swollen for most of high school. Now that's started to go away to, but I have the issue of my parents constantly pressuring me to fuss over my appearance, dress the right way, keep up with all of the constantly changing trends. I try but it can be quite hard for me, and even though I know my parents are just trying to help, they often make me feel like a slob.

Here are some pictures of me over the past year. I would like honest answers - Am I ugly? Do I look like a slob or a pig?

https://scontent-yyz1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/ ... e=58673E0B

https://scontent-yyz1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/ ... e=5869E28B

https://scontent-yyz1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/ ... e=587FD59D

https://scontent-yyz1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/ ... e=587C79A2

https://scontent-yyz1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/ ... e=58778FCF

A part of me feels like these concerns are really petty and unimportant, but I still feel like a pig pen quite a bit of the time, which in turn makes me feel bad about myself and even shier than I normally am. Honest answers, please!

Nothing wrong with your looks, buddy.

Your parents are just too fussy, and want you to look "perfect," without realizing that "perfect" doesn't appeal to most people.

Just wear clean clothes (which you do), and you'll be fine.

Nice meeting you, Seeker883.

You know, smiling really can make a difference. I see you smiling in photos 3, 4, and 5 ... and in my opinion, that's where you look the best, and in fact, you are attractive.

As for your skin conditions, have you heard about organic apple cider vinegar? I use a brand called Bragg, which has many health benefits, including helping keep your skin clear. You can add a tablespoon or two to an 8-ounce glass of drinking water. Caution: Don't just drink the vinegar straight from the spoon or by itself, it needs to be mixed with water. And yes, it tastes like medicine ... because it works like medicine, only it's all natural.

If you have problem areas on your skin, you can apply a combination of either the apple cider vinegar with water, or else Epsom salts with water, to the affected areas. Caution: Do not get apple cider vinegar or Epsom salts in your eyes, because that really stings. Either one helps disinfect your skin. Epsom salts come with the added bonus of relaxing you and uplifting your mood.

If you want more info, you're welcome to either ask me or Google it.

And as for fashion ... I don't keep up with it. If people want to judge me for it, it's their loss. The main thing is that the clothes are clean.

Awww, you do not look "ugly" at all, sweetheart. You look very nice. ((((hugs)))))

(I'm not just saying it to make you feel better. I honestly don't see anything "ugly" about you at all. You have nice balanced features).

I'm glad for you that your acne and skin problems are clearing up. I've been through that as well and I know how devastating it is. It's probably ten times worse for men to have skin problems than women, because it's not usually deemed socially acceptable for males to wear makeup, whereas women can cover acne to a certain extent, using layers of foundation or concealer.

Have you tried talking to your parents and telling them that their lecturing over your appearance is having the opposite to the desired effect, and is giving you a complex?

I think you are a very nice looking young man. As a matter of fact, you look a lot like my son did at that age. Please don't stress over the latest fashion trends.

Aw Man! I'm jealous!

All these pretty chicks doting over you!

You look fine, and have a very pleasant smile.

A constant in your pictures seems to be the v-neck t-shirt.

If your parents want you to dress differently for particular occasions, such as a fancy restaurant or a concert of classical music, or a family ritual like a wedding or funeral, I think you should view their remarks as guidance that you probably need at this stage in your life. For everyday wear, the t-shirt ought to be okay, but again, if you have a job in a business casual environment, the tee is too casual.

I realize tags and seams and such can cause sensory issues for a lot of autistics, but there can be some reasons to overcome this. Maybe wearing a v-neck tee underneath a polo shirt would be a reasonable compromise?

I commiserate on the appearance self esteem freakout.
In my opinion you look perfectly normal. Sharp haircut, modern style specs, neat casual clothing style. A bit conservative perhaps but clean and minimal. Nothing wrong with that. Do you like your style? Are you comfortable with it if your parents aren't in your ear? If so, then stuck with it. If not, nothing wrong with some experimentation.
For the acne and skin issues, again, commiserations. For acne I found Isotretinoin a great thing. Pretty brutal on your body while you're taking it (and outlaws tattoos, which sucked for me) but does seem to resolve it well even after you've stopped taking it. Breaks the cycle or something.
Topical stuff for eczema can often be enough - I have occasional psoriasis issues around my head / ears, and a topical steroid lotion cuts that out.
If it really makes you self conscious I'd recommend a cover cream. Concealers aren't just for women. Some of them are subtle and just rubbing a bit on will take the redness out of your skin.

You look very nice in those pictures. I hate the word ugly. If you don't mind me asking why do you think your parents are pressuring you to look a certain way?

I know from experience how it feels to be pressured. My parents never pressured me but other people I knew pressured me because my hair looked greasy in their opinion when really I washed it all the time. I just have combination hair that's straight at the top and wavy/curly at the bottom. Getting pressured to look a certain does happen but you need to remember that their opinion isn't fact.

I have oily skin and get the occasional zit and got told "they make stuff to help with that" and it did hurt my feelings because I couldn't help it. Some people try to help but if they are being super pushy then they aren't helping.

Don't call your self a pig. You don't have a snout or hooves for feet.