Upset about not having common sense
I have trouble figuring things out that are vey simple and obvious to most people and I also have trouble seeing things that are right in front of me. I try to laugh these things off, but I think this causes me to come off as really slow and then people start to have less respect for me and and pity me. I just don't really know what to do about it because I think this could cause a lot problems if I got another job. I also don't know how to respond when I do make a mistake. I just don't know what to say. If I acknowledge it then people sometimes start reassuring me like they think I'm bringing myself down, even though I'm not. When people reassure me about it that makes me feel even worse because I don't like it at all when people feel sorry for me. If I stay quiet then or just laugh then I would come off as insecure and then people would start to pity me or be condescending towards me. It was really bad today because I was taking my roommate somewhere today and she had to tell me what to do with things that I should be able to figure out. I just feel so frustrated with myself about these things. It also makes me look really dumb and it causes people to target me and feel sorry for me not treat me like an equal. when I mean equal I don't mean fitting into a group, I mean treating me the same as any other person. It's just something I feel really bad about, but I don't know how not to feel insecure about it when it causes so many problems. I just feel like I don't really know how to express it and if I it do comes out the wrong way.
I have trouble with seeing things like someone signaling for me to go or knowing when to walk past someone or let them go ahead of me. I feel like when I'm with someone else they are always telling me how to do things and it makes me feel like a burden and it also sometimes causes people to feel sorry for me and target me. I don't know why this bothers me so much, but sometimes I don't know how much more I can take. I don't want to be a burden and I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I feel like it's impossible for someone to understand this and the way I get treated. Things feel hopeless and I don't know what to do about it.
I have certain areas where I too have struggled with this.
Where I feel like a total and complete idiot because I 'should' know how to do something, or some piece of information, that I simply don't get. I can get very easily confused at very simple concepts sometimes. Even if they are explained multiple times I still wont get it, yet many other things I'll absorb naturally very quickly.
Also, when I am in distress, I tend to fall apart a bit. I get very confused, even my motor functions and speech get difficult. I function quite normally in both areas when not overloaded.
Anything to do with technology tends to make me feel this way because I am quite incompetent, and fairly resistant to technology. So computers, and phones, and all of that stuff is something I dont get at all. And most people do. I also am very, very unaware of pop culture and current events. This creates all sorts of stupidity feelings when most things people spend time talking about I am alien to.
And it bothers me. Far more so mow with recent life changes. To me, it really hurts my pride. Makes me feel incompetent. Lesser.
What you can try to do is continue to be patient with yourself. You are young yet. You have time to still grow and acquire new skills, and knowledge, and better perception, build experiences. From all of this you'll grow. It may not be on the same timeline as many other people, but that's ok, because really who do you have to answer to but yourself? It's pointless to get frustrated with yourself. Its hard to avoid of course as it's a natural reaction. But it's counterproductive. Accepting yourself, shortcomings and all, is the only way you can avoid feeling these things because your opinion is the only one that matters.
auntblabby
Veteran

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,730
Location: the island of defective toy santas
am glad to hear i'm not the only techy-challenged person. I still can't use a cell phone to save my life.

I always assumed common sense was more like "Street smarts" but going by the way you describe it, I'd say I have the same problem as well. I get told I'm "articulate", "bright" and "you're smart" but I still get treated like a child or a burden, just the way you described. I get called smart but treated like I'm slow in the same instance. Just another reason for me to dislike people.
DelightDelirium
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 4 Oct 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 44
Location: Tamworth, NSW, Australia
Look its just a part of life to be honest. At 10 couldn't tell left and right from one another but yet I could not name all the Queens and Kings of England. I honestly don't think lacking commonsense is something to be ashamed about it is just how my brain works in other ways I am happy I am for it.
Now cheers to 16 and being unable to tie a shoelace.
If you asked the average person what common sense actually is then I suspect they'd struggle to tell you. You could say it's common sense to not repeatedly poke yourself in the eye. Nobody does that, so do we all have it?
It's common sense not to drive a car into another car, but it seems to happen a lot to people who were supposedly smart enough to pass a driving test. Do they not have it anymore?
If it's a case of having enough common sense or not, how much do you need to qualify and where do you get the certificate? Are you allowed to have lapses of common sense? How many lapses a week? Who's judging?
One time at work I spilled some compost on the floor in the loading dock but I had no way of cleaning it up due to no dust pan. So I just left it there because I didn't know what to do about the mess. I felt stupid about it afterwards because I could have used my hands and scooped up the mess and put it in a bag and toss it in the compost bin. Another time I accidentally got some on the rug on one of the floors so I scooped up the mess this time and put it in a bag and tied it but left the rest of the mess. I picked up what I could. I do these sort of things a lot. I can tell other workers just give up on me because they often say "never mind, it's okay, don't worry about it."
If you look around you, you might see others lacking common sense because they don't figure things out on their own you would have known. Look at the dumb 911 calls people do. Look at crazy lawsuits. I have better common sense than that. Plus the stories my mom has told me about her patients. One time she had a 16 year old patient come in with half his balls ripped off because he thought he could do something "cool" on a jet ski so instead of sitting on it and riding it at a reasonable speed, he did something I forget what and the water tore his balls and he had to go into ER, they had to stitch them back on.
I think common sense just means expecting everyone to know the same things you know and come to the right solution for problem solving without needing to be told. You miss an exit on the freeway, common sense would tell you to just get off at the next exit because that is a safe way of going back to the exit you missed. Who would want to pull over on the shoulder and back up to the exit or try and turn their car around on the freeway and drive back on the shoulder and then do a U-turn on the exit?
_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
If at all possible, steer conversations towards topics and areas in which you are abnormally knowledgeable, that way people will just assume that you're an absent-minded genius type. It's worked wonders for me!
But seriously, this is super frustrating, especially with things that you are expected to just know without any experience, I don't see how others seem to navigate it so easily. At least one can glean knowledge from their mistakes.
"Common sense" doesn't exist.
It's just a general knowledge most people are supposed to get by having similar experiences. If you don't have the same experiences as most people do your "sense" will obviously be different. Surely there are some stuff that are easy for you but "common sense" people would find them very hard. That's how it works.
Don't worry about not knowing the "easy" stuff. It's OK for you to not understand them if you rarely experience them. Noone is born with such ability - people gain it with experience. Most people gain "common sense" experiences during childhood but it's never too late.
Just let yourself learn. Ask, observe, participate, be brave. Don't give up. You will get it as soon as you get enough experiences/knowledge. People learn during their whole life. You still have a lot of time to get the "common sense".
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