Does anyone resent the very fact that they were created?

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The older I get, the more resentful I am of the very fact that I was ever created at all.

I resent it because I am not a normal person, and I've never had a normal life.

From the time I was very young, the way I acted was very strange, and despite the fact that my parents, sisters, family members, teachers, and special ed teachers all tried to tell me that what I needed to change, my brain would never grasp this. I'd always just think everyone was picking on me, and I felt that I should be able to just be the way I was, and people should like me no matter what. It didn't register in my head until long after I was out of high school that the stuff I was doing was driving everyone away.

Most kids live a life of making friends, going out and doing things with these friends, like sleepovers, birthday parties, or just hanging out, and dating and going out on the town. I never had any of this because no one liked me. I was picked on from 7th grade on.

Now that I'm an adult, I still find it very hard to make friends, and the ones I do make always eventually end up backing off. I'm 38 years old and have never been involved in any kind of relationship. Most people my age are married and have kids, and here I sit watching all of my younger cousins and former class mates, and even people's kids who were in their single digit ages when I met them many years ago, all one by one get engaged, then married, then start their families, while I watching as I was placed up on a shelf and left. I never even had sex for crying out loud until this past summer, and that was only because some friends took me to a gentlemen's club and made it happen.


To this day, my own sisters won't see me for my qualities, despite the fact that I moved to their area to be near them, and tried for 13 years to be a part of their bond.


Every day, I wonder why God even put me here at all, if I was only meant to be unaccepted, picked on, not able to make true friends, and to be left so far out of the dating market that even a psycho wouldn't even consider dating me.


Don't get me wrong....I'd never consider doing anything like taking my own life or anything like that, but I would love to know just WHAT my purpose is here.

I tried very hard to live a "normal" life before I was diagnosed as an aspie.I had always figured I was just weird. I did the best with what I had. After finding out I was an aspie and getting offiically diagnosed, everything started to make sense and I felt completely crippled. I don't even try to live a "normal" life anymore. I know what my strengths are though and I embrace them. I am probably acting even more aspie by doing so now but I don't even care most of the time. I know there are many things I may never be able to do again without knowing in the back of my mind that I am an aspie. I don't even know how I would begin to tell a neurotypical female that I am an aspie because from my experience it is very difficult to make someone understand without them thinking you must be mentally challenged, my IQ is 157, I will out think almost everyone I come in to contact with on a daily basis. I could just not bring it up, but my integrity will not let me, and I need the one I am with to understand me completely. It is very important for your partner to understand ASD so they can know what to expect from you. Sometimes I will be present and someone will start talking about autism, completely unrelated to me, they talk about it in a way that could be seen as offensive, and it is like "hey I am here". Sometimes I wonder what is worse, living with ASD, or the fact that most people have no clue about it and never will no matter how much awareness is made on the subject. We can live very depressing unfulfilling lives and people may never know because we may not externally show it. I don't even feel like I am taken seriously most of the time when expressing my sadness to others. The myth that we don't have empathy is disgusting. I am probably the most empathic person you will ever meet. Sorry, not sorry, being blunt when I speak does not mean I lack empathy, it means I am not going to sugarcoat everything cause there are things that need to be said.

Why can you not accept the fact that you're an individual and not the same as everyone else?
So what if you have aspergers? It doesn't mean you have no arms and legs, you can still enjoy your life by going somewhere else and finding people more to your liking.

Clinging on to your family won't help cause they just seem like closed minded a***holes who can't accept the fact that you're YOU and everything they do revolves around society and societies standards when society is super boring and full of ridiculous rules to make peoples lives miserable. If they can't even make an effort to have you in their lives then why should you make an effort? Find nicer accepting people.

The whole family thing always confused me, since my mother is autistic too we're basically best friends cause we always understood each other and were very accepting of each others differences and we just GET each other with a lot of the autism related stuff so there was never a problem with our relationship, but my step mother and her family I completely abandoned because they were not accepting at all and very judgemental, all of them NTs. I live a much happier life these days by getting rid of the turds. I even got rid of a few aunts/uncles in my actual family who were too closed minded for my liking. They're not family if they can't accept you for who you are.

Find more people like you out there in the world and your life will change for the better and you won't resent it all the time. You're not that weird that you can't enjoy your life, even people with crippling social anxiety still manage to enjoy life socially with others like them as an example.

There are 8+ billion people on this planet, that is a ridiculous amount, there are plenty of people out there who will accept you for who you are, you just need to use that wonderful smart brain of yours and find the ones that suit you.

Also in my experience most 'normal' people are completely miserable and want something else, this is why they get jealous of people who recognise they are an individual who do their own interesting stuff.

Not meant to offend, I'm just saying how I see it.

To quote from your Tumblr "When you are young, you believe there’ll be many people you’ll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times."

Because when you're young you think you're gonna have millions of friends and be super popular, but all you need are the few meaningful connections to make your life much better rather than a ton of fake people.

It's no use in quoting people's favorite quotes because people see quotes in a variety of different ways.
Also points to you for being a tumblr stalker. :p

No, I just resent the fact that certain other people were created.

Sorry lol, you seemed cool from your forum pic so I went to check it out and just so happened to see that quote and thought it fit well. As I grow older I realize more and more just how hard it is to continue to find those meaningful connections. What I found meaningful in the past is no longer my idea of what is meaningful as I have grown immensely as a "person". Nowadays the only meaningful connections I find are with people that have been dead for over a century, in their writings. I could be called pessimistic for thinking so, but I would have to be an optimist to have such high expectations from people in the first place, only to be left disappointed continuously. I love myself very much, I just can't stand the flaws of human nature at this point and the torture I feel from having to live amongst their absurdities. I never chose to be born in to this environment that I am realizing is very unfit for my well being, yet people seem to accept as the norm and as good. I need access to an environment where I can begin to heal myself and be at peace. That can only come in time, hopefully.

Philosophically I have sometimes wondered as to what the 'point' of me is. I don't have a job, very little outside contact and no friends. Only one, serious relationship that went up in flames years ago. I've found you go through a bad time, and then feel a need to do a quick life-assessment of everything to magnify that negativity. Suddenly life becomes an unbearable, unmanageable, friendless burden. I learned to drop these 'assessments' of one's life and circumstances. Personally, living in the present has helped me deal a massive blow to the previous control my depression had over me, and as a result I enjoy the little things more. I think life is largely messy and unpleasant, but being alive means you get to gripe about life and remain open for the possibility of seeing your situation improve.