So I asked that girl is she'd want to hang out sometime

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Alliekit
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08 Dec 2016, 3:15 pm

sly279 wrote:
LyraLuthTinu wrote:
That self-defeatist attitude will get you nowhere. If you talk yourself out of trying all the time like that you really are doomed to be forever alone; but it's because you won't take a chance, not because you're a horrible person. Probably there is someone out there who will love you, but if you're afraid to ask them because you think being with you would be a fate worse than death you will never find out.

So ask her. :| We're waiting to see how it turns out.


That thread about how bad aspie men are really got to me. I've never been in a relationship so will I suddenly change like they say and not want love and to be touched?

We don't always work same days or shifts. I saw her today as she left but she was on phone and kinda upset. In order to ask again if I should(see above post) I'd need to get her alone again. I'm super anxious and shy around women even more so around ones I have a crush on. I can't ask when she's around other coworkers and people I just can't I freeze up :(

There's another woman who confuse the heck out of me. Why do she stop and talk to me 0.o most just ignore me or give me mean stares.


The woman from that thread was talking absolute s**t and clearly had a massive stick up her bum! You are a great person sly dont doubt yourself! You are worthy of a relationship. In that blog the woman had clearly picked the worst examples and then exaggerated them beyond ridiculousness



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08 Dec 2016, 3:20 pm

Either she's not interested or she's considering her options (probably has several other beta males in her orbit).



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08 Dec 2016, 4:06 pm

One thing you could do when asking out a girl is to have a plan.

Rather than saying "want to hang out sometime" which sounds too vague, ask her "Do you want to see a movie with me on Friday?" (or whatever... you fill in that blank)

It gives us the impression that you've put some thought into it rather than something wishy-washy, like you're expecting her to say no.


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sly279
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08 Dec 2016, 7:10 pm

Luhluhluh wrote:
One thing you could do when asking out a girl is to have a plan.

Rather than saying "want to hang out sometime" which sounds too vague, ask her "Do you want to see a movie with me on Friday?" (or whatever... you fill in that blank)

It gives us the impression that you've put some thought into it rather than something wishy-washy, like you're expecting her to say no.

Well I didn't think she'd say anything but no and figure we'll have to compare schedules
Most my days off are when she works and vice versa



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08 Dec 2016, 7:25 pm

sly279 wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
One thing you could do when asking out a girl is to have a plan.

Rather than saying "want to hang out sometime" which sounds too vague, ask her "Do you want to see a movie with me on Friday?" (or whatever... you fill in that blank)

It gives us the impression that you've put some thought into it rather than something wishy-washy, like you're expecting her to say no.

Well I didn't think she'd say anything but no and figure we'll have to compare schedules
Most my days off are when she works and vice versa


Well, yeah, that's what people do if they work different schedules. If you say "want to see a movie on Friday," and she says, "Can't I gotta work" you say "okay, when's a good time for you? Can I call you?" or email you or whatever.


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sly279
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08 Dec 2016, 10:51 pm

Well she seems to gone back to avoiding me now:(



NorthWind
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09 Dec 2016, 12:18 pm

sly279 wrote:
I dont know if I should anymore, what right to I have to potential doom her to a horrible relationship?


sly279 wrote:
That thread about how bad aspie men are really got to me. I've never been in a relationship so will I suddenly change like they say and not want love and to be touched?

If you want love and like touch now you will continue to do so if you are in a relationship. The people who change that much once they are married probably had sensory issues or didn't like most of the things that are part of a relationship from the beginning on. They probably just thought they had to find a girl because everyone does/tries or primarily for sex (if that's the only interaction typical for a relationship they'd still engage in) or they wanted someone to do the housework and take care of them. Their initial affection probably was mostly pretence. If neither of this is an attitude you have chances are you won't suddenly change that drastically as these men these women complain about are not how every male aspie is and what they wanted from the relationship probably was something else than to love and be loved from the beginning on. (and these women generalize it to every aspie-man without having any evidence that it is a common pattern and in many cases they might exaggerate how bad their boyfriend was due to their own issues)
If you love a future girlfriend and care about her happiness and about what both of you want from the relationship chances are you won't be a horrible boyfriend. You seem like someone who would do his best to make his girlfriend happy.

You have a right to try and you don't need to feel bad for trying because, aspie or not, you are doing absolutely no harm by asking someone out.



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09 Dec 2016, 10:37 pm

sly279 wrote:
That thread about how bad aspie men are really got to me.
Which thread?


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09 Dec 2016, 10:44 pm

Luhluhluh wrote:
Well, yeah, that's what people do if they work different schedules. If you say "want to see a movie on Friday," and she says, "Can't I gotta work" you say "okay, when's a good time for you? Can I call you?" or email you or whatever.
Yep, that's the worst. My ex cleaned offices after 5PM. I worked normal hours, before 5PM. We basically couldn't see each other on weekdays (except on Thursdays).

I really wouldn't want to be a cleaner. She had contracts for 4AM and she had contracts for the evening. Even though she worked about 7 hours per day, her shifts covered a span of about 18 hours. Also her contracts were spread out over a wide distance. She got paid minimum wage for 7 hours per day but not for the hours per day she spent driving from site to site. Not for the wear and maintenance this put on her car. Also some clients tried to cheat her, getting her to clean extra rooms, off the clock etc.


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LyraLuthTinu
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10 Dec 2016, 4:29 pm

Definitely wait for a good time, Sly Fox, but don't give up altogether. You can do this. If it doesn't work with this girl at least trying once, maybe you will have the courage to try again next time a nice girl comes along.

Quote:
sly279 wrote:
Quote:
That thread about how bad aspie men are really got to me.

Which thread?


I think Sly Fox meant this thread.


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10 Dec 2016, 4:43 pm

LyraLuthTinu wrote:
I think Sly Fox meant this thread.
I see.


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12 Dec 2016, 1:54 pm

sly279 wrote:
So coworker who talks to me sometimes asked her sister(who also works here) if she had a BF and was told she(the girl) isn't wanting bf right now.

What's that mean?


It means you're going to -truly- have a chance to spend time with her without worrying that you're dooming her life.
It also means she's NOT desperate and doing this out of fear of being alone.

There are good things in every bad thing.


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cavernio
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12 Dec 2016, 2:01 pm

Oh, also, going to her with a plan of something to do isn't a 'symbol' (well, it is, but that's not the important thing).

It's important for purely practical reasons. Someone, either you or her, NEED to decide on what to do, or else nothing will happen. This is, like, a truth of the universe, not a truth of 'how to date'. You failed to make a plan of something to do with her, so you didn't get to do something with her so far. Since you approached her, the ball's in your court.

The only way not planning allows things to get done is if you are spontaneous and plans get in the way of spontaneity.


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