I feel like complete crap

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I went from one of the happiest people to now overnight...hormones I guess? I literally hate everything. I don't want to die but I long for it. There's just too mch empty crap in this universe. It's just it. what we see is what we get, and that's EVERY f*****g DAMN THING WE'RE EVER GONNA SEE! THERES NOT A RATS ASS WORTH OFANYTHING OUT THERE AND ITS COMPLETELYEMPTY! JUST GAS AND PARTICLES AND EMPTY LOOPING HELL!

Sorry, I have to spew this out. There is no one in my life I can talk to.

One of the problems: I have constant recurring existential crisis which are very severe. Often they're activated by a recurring nightmare where I'm stuck in a dream where I have impaired everything like site and touch, and I feel like i'm suffocating in a small space (which is all eternity) and I can't get up or move around, i'm just stuck there. I try to wake up and I just wake up into the same thing. Usually this lasts hours or even days (causeyou know how time is in dreams), like a REALLY damn longtime. I just don't understand. I really don't kowwhy I feelso crap! It's constant and it's destroying everything I am! I am overwhelmed by emotion and nastiness and I just want to destroy everything! I am frightened I am destroying relationships with the few friends I have because I am telling them nasty things but I just feel like constant crap!! WHEN will this end!

What an awful sensation! How did this start? What are you doing to try to pull yourself out of it?

You mentioned on another thread that you haven't been eating, and I think that's actually making you feel even worse. Are there foods that you really enjoy?

Hi thanks for the response. I've got a bit more of a handle on things. I have random explosive episodes (that's what I call them at least) that seem to come out of lots of stress. I heard this was a trait of Asperger's. I've begun to see just how delusional this view of things was and I've been attaching more positive thoughts with them, this has helped tremendously.

I REALLY enjoy ALL Indian and Italian food, but my family is heavily against everything India for some reason.

I'm not sure how this started but a couple years ago I started to view things as being empty and spontaneous, and what I do to try to pull myself out of it is sort of animating my emotions. I'm nto sure how to explain this, but for example lets say you see a scene, any scene. Maybe a beach island.
One view I have of it is a beautiful beach with palm trees and waves and people and dancers and coastal cabins and I want to be there. The other view is a bunch of atoms and chemical reactions and scientific crap that just ruins everything, that is the one I struggle with.

The atoms and chemical reactions make the beauty of the beach scene possible.

Praying that you'll feel better soon.

You are reaching a higher state of enlightenment, it can be the best thing that ever happened to you, if you allow it to be. There is nothing to fear, you are blessed. It will all make sense in time.

My solution when I become too introspective:

Take a walk. Take in the air. You need input from outside your Self.