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gnossienne
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08 Dec 2016, 7:16 am

Seriously starting to consider throwing my life away with some risky activity or another.

Frankly, I just don't see the appeal in "playing the game".

My parents placed me into the world and paid for it with 18 years of work and money. Their debt is paid off.
But what the f**k am I here for? I didn't sign a contract or anything to be here.

I don't even talk to my own family.
Two sisters. One turned out strange like me, the other one is a social butterfly with good grades and a perfect future.
I don't particularly enjoy the personality of the autistic sister, and I'm totally disconnected from the normal one.
My relationship with my father is literally just jokes and disappointment.
My mother tries so hard to think I'm worth helping, but I'm really not.
I'm so hateful of what I am and how I think, how I exist in my own head.

I've been totally unable to get close friends for my entire life.
I don't particularly want to become a massive, lone achiever.
So I'm in the between part where you're a nobody and you also have nobody.

I have a very strong hunch that the net happiness-to-boredom ratio in a single lifetime is heavily negative.
Time to throw this shit-show of a planet in the trash.
Just a matter of how.

Really depends on how they ruin my life.
If I get sued by a hospital for being uninsured, I'll just crash myself into it with a helpful note explaining exactly how much I care about their damages. Sue my corpse.
Perhaps I'll end up homeless just like everybody else in this f*****g town.
Heroin overdose, that's a pretty standard solution to being a depressed misfit in Washington State, but doesn't really tell anyone what the problem is.



cavernio
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12 Dec 2016, 3:05 pm

Boredom is indeed horrible, and risky activities do indeed reduce it. I say go for it. As you said, you've got nothing to lose. You don't like your life the way it is now, and insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result this time. Do something different. Seriously. Being cautious is likely what got you to where you are now, clearly its not all its cracked up to be.


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Not autistic, I think
Prone to depression
Have celiac disease
Poor motivation


Campin_Cat
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12 Dec 2016, 4:09 pm

gnossienne wrote:
Frankly, I just don't see the appeal in "playing the game".

...the other one is a social butterfly with good grades and a perfect future.

My mother tries so hard to think I'm worth helping...

I've been totally unable to get close friends for my entire life.

So I'm in the between part where you're a nobody and you also have nobody.

If I get sued by a hospital for being uninsured, I'll just crash myself into it with a helpful note explaining exactly how much I care about their damages. Sue my corpse.

I know this might sound silly cuz it's about a fictional character, but remember Forrest Gump? Remember his girlfriend Jenny----smart, pretty, popular? Her life went down-the-tubes. Forrest, on the other hand, was NOT smart, NOT "pretty" (handsome), and NOT popular, and he succeeded; so, I don't think we can always tell whose life is gonna turn-out which way (meaning, you could win----and, your "wonderful" sister could crash and burn; one never knows).

I don't think I'd crash myself into a hospital with or without a car----with MY luck, I'd only maim myself and have to drink my meals through a straw, for the rest-of-my-life.





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White female; age 59; diagnosed Aspie.
I use caps for emphasis----I'm NOT angry or shouting. I use caps like others use italics, underline, or bold.
"What we know is a drop; what we don't know, is an ocean." (Sir Isaac Newton)