does aspergers and impatience go hand in hand?
Hi, do any of you have extreme impatience while dealing with NT's? I have a lot of tolerance trouble. I am not an insensitive person, however i find myself saying shocking insensitive things when people just don't 'see' what a certain decision or action of theirs would lead them. Normally i seem to see think faster and further than most people, (i don't say this in a hubristic way and often times what i see could be wrong too). But in that moment, the logic of what I'm thinking is so clear and streamlined that I'm amazed that others don't see it the way i do or are just being slow to comprehend). Then its like a switch, i get from 0 to 100 in the frustration scale and say the worst most insensitive thing possible. Not to be hurtful but more like, well, an observation. But it seems like a judgement to people. I hate myself for this. my dad who also has aspergers has extreme impatience and does not even seem to realise that what he says might possible be hurtful. I know its tough living with me. But I'm not a bad person and i really don't want to to cause hurt anymore. I know my brain works faster than most people (in terms of logic) but not necessarily better, (in terms of ground realities).
please help me, i don't want to destroy my relationships. I hope my brain is not wired to be an unfeeling creature.
Practical tips would be much appreciated.
Maybe it's the underdeveloped theory of mind?
When I was a little girl I would RAGE over my impatience with NT's. I would say, "MOM! Why is everyone so STUPID?! Why don't they GET IT?! This is easy!" I didn't know I had the problem. My mom would respond with, "the average IQ is 100 - they're doing the best they can." It forced me to think about their perspective and reconsider patience.
I say lots of insensitive things as well. I've been told I lack tact. I understand what you mean - I'm not trying to be aggressive, I'm trying to be helpful with the most honest answer. NT's say all the time that they value honesty, but they don't. You have to learn that they're saying crap they don't actually mean all day long. The NT's in my life rarely value true, unfiltered honesty. Truth bombs.
I know I haven't been real helpful. Just think of Thumper in Bambi - If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I'm 31, so I've been working hard at this for a looooong time. Good luck. Maybe if your dad's seeming lack of sensitivity can help you to empathize with people you may hurt? I repeat to myself all the time, "It's okay for people to be different. It's okay for people to be different."
Thanks, that makes sense.
What never makes sense is why NT's do this thing of making a big pretence about appreciating honesty when they actually don't mean it and don't want you to be honest. Almost never. They want you to repeat the same damn stuff that everyone is 'supposed' to say. It like a play, on stage. Im actually way more comfortable on stage than in real social situations.. I never really know what answer they want, the scripted one or the real one.. Its baffling. Can someone please explain this to me...