Sick of being weird... kinda wish I was a mute

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Hello, everyone.

I just wanted to express my irritation about being what I am. I hate that I say off the wall things, and end up offending people, especially when trying to be funny. I can usually control it, until I get comfortable and let my guard down - then it's a freaking train wreck. It's worse when I try to make eye contact. I feel like I always have to thoroughly think about, and double process every single stinking little thing before I open my big, fat pie hole. I have lost so many friends to the stupid crap that comes out of my mouth, it's ridiculous.

Now, let's touch on the eye contact issue a little more. Not only do I say messed up crap, but I can't maintain eye contact without exerting my willpower, and concentrating on it to the point that I accidentally end up staring them down, like some kind of crazed lunatic, and usually lose what I am trying to say in the process. I absolutely loathe that society places such importance on eye contact, to the point that it is considered a legitimate way to judge a person's character.

I make people uncomfortable, and I see them avoiding interacting with me. It doesn't feel good, and I hate it. I have the softest heart in the world, but I grow more cynical by the day. I hate that I care what people think. I feel like I always have to apologize for my Asperger's, and I am sick of it. I pretty much hate what I am.

PS: For those of you who take my survey poll, if you check neutral, know that I envy you.