Failed again (just a rant)

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So I asked this girl out I'd been eyeing for months. I could have predicted this based on historical data, but I failed once again. Apparently she's seeing someone but never talks about it. 4 weeks ago she was really happy about having gotten a date, but after her date she said it was boring, so either she found someone in those last 4 weeks or she lying to spare my feelings (which never works, I wish girls could just say "sorry I'm not interested" but it's always some sh***y reasoning and a long speech instead ). Either way, it hurts :'(

This girl was special too, I had every reason to believe this was a girl to marry and not just someone to explore love and sex with. There's only been one other girl I've like this much in my life. I don't know if I'll ever meet another girl like this again, seeing as I find one such on average every decade...

I've been putting efforts for 2 decades now to find a girlfriend, I really did, but it all feels extremely pointless with a 0% success rate over what is certainly a statistically significant data sample by now. Why even try at this point. I got all the evidence I need that I'm completely undesirable to women. Even when a girl does seem to like me they seem to change their minds about it long before I'm comfortable making a move. Seems I only look good to girls who don't know me, and when I start to get closer they just run and don't look back... I think I'm just going to give up, if a girl wants me she can do all the work I can't be bothered anymore. The search for a girlfriend is making me suffer and I can end my suffering anytime I want, all I have to do is stop looking...

Firstly, let me point out the obvious, that I am an Internet stranger who does not know you well.
Which means, any attempt on my part to help you is based on guessing.

You say that at first, girls seem to like you? Maybe you're waiting too long before making a move.
How are you at reading and responding to social cues?

You say you are "putting in efforts" ... my question would be (and you don't have to answer publicly),
what kind of "efforts" are they? What actions are you taking to show a girl that you're interested?

I wasn't looking for a response, really just needed to vent some but you look like you wanna help and I'm in no position to refuse that

I'm 100% certain I'm waiting too long, I always need a long time to get comfortable which of course gives plenty of time for girls that catch my eye to go look elsewhere. NTs don't seem to need more than a few hours to judge if someone is boyfriend/girlfriend material...

A whole plethora of terrible experiences has made me literally scared of pretty girls, which I suspect comes off as creepy... That's on me to fight I guess, but confidence being born of previous success... I'ma have to get a real good pokerface :/ As for reading and responding to social queues, I'm an absolute failure at that (not helping the creep factor ). I'm improving, but very slowly. At this rate I'll figure out how I'm supposed to behave around cute girls sometime in my 70s


I like to think it's not all that different from efforts NTs put in: stay well groomed, keep my place clean, get some nice cloths every now and then, wear perfume and deo, etc... but this stuff doesn't really make me stand out, I guess it just prevents me being ruled out on day 1 :/

In the more "active" category of efforts, I try to engage in casual conversation and drop a nice (but not too nice) compliment every now and then, smile and say hello when I see them, get them nice but inexpensive gifts (tiny cakes ) to mark occasions like professional success or birthdays and whatnot. I honestly think I got the broad lines figured out, I just can't seem to do it right due to my unusual mannerism (presumably).

This may be part of the issue actually. I'm not even sure at what point me ends and my social adaptions begin anymore. If I can't get my own identity straight then I'd probably come off as fake wouldn't I? This is slowly turning into another rant, i'ma stop now before I depress myself further

**edit** thanks for caring

I'm with you there Worse, if you come off ok because you're well prepared the first time, then people find out you're weird, they act like you tricked them or something.
Anyway.
Where did you meet this girl? Curious because I just had a shockingly coherent conversation with a nice young woman, because we have similar perspectives and philosophies. Maybe you need to find a woman who's on your wavelength more? Seek them out in spaces where you're likely to have lots in common? Something you're both interested and engaged in that could help make a connection between you? Working your moves in the wrong context is sure to end badly. Other avenues you could try?
Plus it might not be all you. She after all would need to be a receptive and accepting person who is looking for a relationship. Maybe it's just bad luck, wrong place wrong time?
I wish you luck!

The good news here is that you have some self awareness ... that
yes, you are 100% certain that you wait too long to make a move.
This means you know what you need to work on and improve.

There are YouTube videos nowadays that you can watch dealing with body language, social cues, and even how to know if a girl likes you. There are videos on this from both the male and female points of view.

For projecting overall confidence when going out in public, I also like a book called "The Charisma Myth" by Olivia Fox Cabane.

These are just a couple of ideas that can get you started.
Wishing you the best of success!

Could be I've noticed a lot of women are able to get dates and jump from relationships to relationship quickly. Most my ex dates ended up in relationships week or less later meanwhile I'm still alone.

Best of luck to you in the search though. Others say if you don't try nothing will happen

C2V, this girl was perfect for me, just absolutely perfect. Matching interests, similar personalities, I even suspect she's one of us. But I waited too long and failed to capitalize on those things I knew. At one point she started talking about history (an interest of mine) and said she loved it and I somehow failed to jump on that opening because I was too busy wondering "what's an appropriate answer?". Literally anything to point out we had that interest in common would have helped but too late now Anyhow, I recently quit smoking weed (was self-medicating my depression) and I find myself re-evaluating many of my interests now. In fact, all of them :/ I'ma have to wait for my mind to settle into this new reality to determine what still engages me. I haven't played videogames in weeks :O (And I got multiple games on my steam account with upwards of 1000 hours to give you an idea)

the_phoenix, it never occurred to me that people might have documented answers to my questions, and now that you point it out I'm feeling a bit dumb. I'm always the first one to say research and methodology are the top skills to have in this age of information, and I've failed to research this critical topic (to me anyhow) correctly. Thanks for the pointers, I really appreciate your input and it's giving me a bit of hope. If you'll both excuse me, I gotta go buy a book

**edit** don't get me wrong, I've read my fair share of psychology, but it's often so generic, whereas with the right vocabulary (social cues and body language for instance) I can probably pinpoint what I need better. Thanks again, I bought the book already