I'm tired... Of everything

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I apologize for not reading through all the other posts. I just don't have the energy. I've been going through a 2-3 year burnout, and I just don't see my life as recoverable at times. I'm in a toxic roommate situation (even though it's relatives) and am about to live in my van in the SF Bay Area in a week or two. This is something I did for a while last year and it is the only way I can be where I think I need to be. Where the environment is closer to what I need. I've done a few major repair jobs on the van just in the previous few months and I'm taking a risk if I do that next week because I have another issue that I need to fix. Due to my toxic situation I must leave asap. So, I'll take the risk of an auto part failing while living in it just to get out of my current situation.

I can't tell you how surreal and hectic my life is at the moment. I'm just too tired. I had to medicate with mediocre cannabis to ease the suicidal thoughts.

Everyone seems to have abandoned me when I need help the most. I'm almost ready to curl in a ball and retire. There is so much more to say, but I can't say anymore at the moment.

You should try to do auto mechanics----if you're not doing it already.

The Bay Area has a perfect climate, actually, for people who want to live in vans. A couple of weeks ago, though, it was 106, and an all-time heat record was broken.

I'm sorry you have to put up with that toxic atmosphere. For some reason, I bet you are quite handy, and can make a van into virtually a home.

I wish I could try living out of my car in the winter in NYC. But you can't do that.

I used to be a clinical laboratory scientist, but now I'm on disability. This van is a POS. The jackass who sold it to me failed to mention the "quart per 15 miles" oil leak. I felt so abused by him. I'm a very peaceful person, but I couldn't shake the thought of driving that POS van right through his lake house. I bought it Jan 2016, and I think about it almost every day since. It's a minivan in very rough shape, but I'm going to go anyway. I have some causes I'd like to discuss with others.
Yup, winters in New York not so hospitable.

That really sucks. Isn't there a way you could fix the cause of the leaking oil?

I took care of that early this year. I've got a host of new problems

I mean.....if you have a job, and the cops don't harass you, you could save substantial money by living in the van.

Especially if you have a little mini-fridge and a hot plate (of course, you've got to be careful with the hot plate!)

The b***h is that the Bay Area is quite expensive as far as rents go. I wonder how much would rent would be in interior Oregon.

Rents in the South (even in places like Dallas) are far lower than they are in the Bay Area.

I never lived in a vehicle but I have slept in a van quite a few times. I think it would be fun living in a van but thats just me. Kraftiekortie is right, rent prices in Oregon might be cheaper. Anything is better than living with toxic people.

I did enjoy living in my van in San Francisco, until I fractured my jaw. Something happened to cause me more anxiety than normal and I developed a tic in my right jaw. I would stretched right jaw so forcefully and completely that it snapped my mandible. UCSF ER missed it three times in a row. I was in severe pain and my jaw was so swollen you could barely see my right earlobe. I went to the ER about once a week for three weeks and asked for an Xray each time.

I drove back to Modesto (where I'm from) 90 miles away to my PCP who looked at my jaw and immediately said, "Your jaw is broken"

I began feeling that SF was going to be contaminated in my mind after all this, and it worsened an already down spiralling burnout.

I have to give it another shot though. And I'm going to seek legal counsel concerning the broken jaw. That ordeal directly caused me to be suicidal on a few occasions.