Autism/AS and coping with grief during the holidays

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As you're well aware, Halloween has come and gone and the specter of Christmas and New Year's seems to loom larger than ever. (Here in the US, Thanksgiving informally ushers in the holiday season, FYI.)

The last two months of the year have been my favorite part of same, filled with both parents' birthdays, my own birthday, Christmas/holiday parties, events, and the like. However, with my Mom's passing earlier this year, this is going to be the most difficult season I'll have ever witnessed. Triggers will abound, no question about it, and I'll try and open myself to holiday joy despite the pain of loss. My Mom did a good deal in the run-up to Christmas, cooking Christmas dinner and hosting the day's festivities with our family. As someone who was very close to her, I'll be feeling this the worst of anybody (save my Dad).

I have been part of a bereavement support group at a nearby Catholic church, so that has helped in some way, and they'll have a session where coping with grief during this time of year will be discussed. I also have events within my friend circle to look forward to, BTW. On the contrary, my autism support group is planning a potluck in place of their usual meeting next month, and that means I'd likely have to call upon my sister to whip up something, and I don't want to put her through the ringer in that regard (my nephew is in kindergarten, and he provides enough stress and agita alone as it is). As such, I'd prefer not to attend such events.

Any tips on how to cope with loss amidst the hustle and bustle of the holiday season? Thanks, I'll hang up and listen...

I always enjoyed the tradition of having everyone together and happy for Christmas, the jovial feelings I associated with the holidays stemmed from that experience.

The first Christmas after dad died felt empty and meaningless. I tried to keep it all together and make the most of it, but I was the only one with the energy to do that.
I've often thought that my family's sadness that year would have been a more healthy way for me to be also. I guess everyone needs the space to react differently, I don't regret the effort I put in that year, but my health suffered for it.

For now I would say it's just another milestone to get through... a few years passed before it became a joyful experience again, though I anticipate it will always feel bittersweet.

I'm so sorry about you losing your mom this year. I lost my cousin a couple of weeks ago and am just dealing with the grief myself, worrying about how I'll handle the holidays; I was really looking forward to seeing her for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I'll pass on the advice that my therapist has been telling me to do to handle this: It's perfectly okay to feel sad, but keep yourself busy so you don't dwell on the sadness. It makes the triggers so much easier to deal with when you're preoccupied, especially when it's doing an activity that you enjoy. It's awesome that you have a friend circle and a few support groups in your life! I suspect it would be really good for you to focus on the excitement of spending time with your friends in your upcoming events.

Good luck! I hope that the support group session on grief with the nearby church helps you, too.

I'm sure your mother would want you to have fun with the other members of your family.

If you have a Costco nearby (and can afford it), you could get great stuff for a "potluck." You can make it so that they don't know it came from Costco.

Especially if you get along with your dad, you could have fun with him during the holiday season, while sharing the fine memories of your mother.

It's better for people to be with each other during times of grief, rather than withdrawing from each other. This is especially true if you get along.

It's best that you don't deny your grief....but that you continue living. I'm sure your mom would want you to continue living.

I bet you're a Giants fan. That's the logo of the New York Giants football team.

My mother passed in May, so I can emphasize with the way you're feeling right now. All the best to you during this difficult time.